September, 2000

Hello Readers,

Wow! We have been getting one typhoon after another here in Japan. Our old wooden house leaks, and everyone is getting a little soggy. I feel like I’m on a camping trip. Anyway.. onwards and upwards!

Want a free bottle of pheromones? Remember to send in a survey this month! I always pick at least two respondents at random for a free bottle of their choice. With this issue readers Linda, Elizabeth, and Hal won something.

Be sure to read the survey results this month, and don’t forget to smile at someone today!
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Scam alert:
Know your websites! Scams, phony sites and bootleg products are popping up on the internet faster than weeds in my vegetable garden, which is pretty bad, I can tell you. I never thought the words and letters in my domain name could be rearranged in so many creative ways. 😉 I guess I should take it as a compliment, however….
The one and only Love Scent pheromone Store is at:
http://love-scent.com
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Bruce Boyd
editor
Sendai, Japan
news@love-scent.com
http://love-scent.com
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This Issue’s pheromone “News”:

*Last Month’s Survey/Contest Results
*pheromone Q and A
*The Nose vs. the VNO
-Bruce Boyd
*This month’s “Free pheromones” Survey/Contest
*New Products
*User Corner; Reader pheromone Stories
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**LAST MONTH’S** SURVEY

WINNERS:
Our drawing winners are:
Linda, Elizabeth and Hal
~*Congratulations!*~
They will all get a free bottle of a popular pheromone product of their choice.
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THE QUESTIONS (last month)
What books, seminars, and/or other resources can you recommend to readers that might help them enrich their current relationships or modify their approach to dating in such a way as to increase their success in future relationships?

THE RESULTS:
Bingo! I think we really struck it rich this month with the survey. I got over 80 serious replies and a wealth of good references: books, websites, seminars… I have always enjoyed reading the survey results, but this month I found myself repeatedly saying to myself: “Hmmm. I’ll have to take a look at that website later.” or “Wow! That sounds like a good book.” Be sure to look through the highlights section below, and you might even want to take some notes.

Now have a look at the….

Selected highlights!

Several years before my introduction into the world of dating, I subscribed to the Dating Tip of the Day and the Kissing Tip of the Day at http://www.thekiss.com/tips, “just in case.” Reading the countless messages archived in my Eudora e-mail box increased my repertoire of relationship plans and whatnot. Although many of the reader-suggested ideas are a bit kitschy, there are also a few choice morsels of information. In addition to this website, other romance resources such as http://www.rom101.com and http://www.lovingyou.com exist. These seem much more helpful in determining strategies in current and future relationships.

Well, I’ve heard a lot of people say “Dianetics” by L Ron Hubbard has helped them. As far as I’m concerned, The Bible is a good reference source. Just having Faith and Trust in a Supreme Power enables one to have faith and trust in themselves. It has been my belief that it is extremely difficult to love someone else, if you cannot love yourself.

A book that I would recommend is “A Man’s Guide: What Women Want”. This is written by Laurence Roy Stains and Stefan Bechtel. This is a basic no-nonsense guide of what we clearly see what a woman wants but usually are too ignorant as men to notice. It helped me to understand women not only in dating situations but also create stronger friendships with the women I already know….

I HIGHLY recommend a book called “The Five Languages of Love”. If I had read this before I probably would not be divorced today. It talks about how people speak different “languages” and if the partners do not know which language to speak, the other partner will not feel validated and fulfilled. The languages are: “Words of Affirmation”, “Quality Time”, “Acts of Service”, “Physical Touch”, and “Gifts”. My spouse “spoke” the “Acts of Service” language, he was always DOING things (working outside, working on the car, lawn, etc). Unfortunately, my “receiving language” was “Quality Time”. So he thought he was doing everything he could to please me and I thought he spent too much time puttering around which was stealing time that we could have spent doing things together. PROBLEM!!!

Try reading “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. You have to learn how to understand each other before anything will work in a relationship. Honesty helps also and so does reading the Bible!

This may sound a little odd but I think reading the Dalai Lama book The Art of Happiness and using it in conjunction with parts of The Rules book is a good way to form relationships. The Dalai Lama book for relationships in general and the Rules for love relationships.

Make a commitment and start standing for someone or for a cause. Read the New Testament. It will read like your own life story. And you will realize we all start off as babies, self-centred , self-opinionated and selfish. Being part of a Christian family of caring and accepting people can do wonders for your spiritual and emotional growth.

The thing that has helped the most is a change in “my” attitude. Thats right ladies I have found the secret to a GOOD relationship sexually and otherwise. We have been married 17 years and we have a 5yr. old and a 19 mo. old and let me tell you since our first baby was born the fiz turned flat in our relationship and I blamed it all on my husband I accused him of giving me no attention and that he was always grouchy and tired and after fighting about this for a few years and feeling like our relationship would never be good again I remembered something I had been hearing for years in church “Do unto others as you would have others to do unto you” and “you reep what you sow” hmm.. what was I sowing? I was giving him no attention and I was grouchy and tired all the time!!!! I soon realized if I want this relationship to work out and I do I had to put some effort in it and let me tell you it works!!!!!

Sue Johanson, the radio show sex therapist and Registered Nurse, is an excellent resource for all kinds of questions regarding relationships between men and women.
Host: Sue Johanson
Time: Sundays at 11:00pm ET/8:00pm PT (Live)
See the WTN Program Schedule for other days and/or times.
Sue Johanson tackles all aspects of sexuality in an informative,
non-judgmental, humorous way.

– The Secret Language of Relationships : Your Complete Personology Guide to Any Relationship With Anyone — Gary Goldschneider, Joost Elffers; Hardcover $27.96 at Amazon.com

Well one of the best books i can say on the market today…is Women on Top by Nancy Friday….For Each Other bye Lonnie Barbach, PhD……and New joy of Sex by Alex Comfort PhD…these books really have helped me and my relationships…

This is really a very difficult answer. If it were not so hard people would be married forever. After 3 failed marriages and numerous relationships I have finally come to realize that the problem is within myself.

Everyday millions of us are found in the ‘self-help’ — ‘relationship-guide” aisles more than ever before. WHY? When it comes down to the basics of what we know is true, good and right, don’t we really know the basic answers deep down inside? Why do so many feel so compelled for the need for reinforcement and guidance?
Honestly, if we stop and think about what we are searching for, most of us can find the answers deep inside ourselves. The answers are already there, most of us were taught the basic truths many, many years ago. Our best reference is the basic guide we were taught early in life — be true, honest and good to yourself and those you love. With that as a guide, there is no stronger magnet for people.

I am a ardent viewer of OPRAH whenever Dr. Phil is on. His no-nonense approach to honesty in the relationship is awe-inspiring.He really helps you get past your own preconceived notions of yourself and down to the reality of what reaction your actions produce.

I personally like all of the John Gray books. He seems to really have a handle on how both men and women think and act. I think many people (myself included) tend to rush into a relationship without really getting to know the person first. That’s OK as long as our expectations are reasonable for the stage that we’re in at the time. And…..sometimes we go in and out of the different stages a number of times with the same person.

Attend singles seminars around your city. Go to various sources to get varied viewpoints such as a local community college, a church and possibly a local counseling center

If you want more success, personally, in your relationships you have to talk to people who have seen you with the people you date, seen how you interact and treat the other person. Family, friends, people that can view from the outside can help out a lot and point some things out to you that will help you improve the way you treat and let yourself be treated by your girl/boyfriend or date. Don’t be afraid to want to improve and when somebody compliments you on something you do well, grab on to that and run with it!!

A favorite book of mine that helped me through the last few years of a 28 year marriage (which ended in divorce) was: “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by ‘Clarice Pinkola Estes’ This book is EXCELLENT for both men and women, and can be found at almost any book store.

While his aim is more towards the business aspect, Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People highlights many attributes for improving relationships. I know this comes in book form, as well as seminars and whatnot. He has a whole line of stuff out there to improve your life in an organized way. Basically his theory is that if you acknowledge that you are your own responsibility and that your choices affect your future, and make a conscious effort to BE PROACTIVE (he really digs that word)… one thing I really took to heart was his theory of “Seek First to Understand, THEN to be Understood” that is the background of many relationships.

When I was having trouble with my boyfriend, I read several books by Barbara DeAngelis that were very interesting. One was called “The Passion Paradox”. I’m not sure if they were ultimately helpful, but they did make me think.

I believe that the way to fully enjoy your personal relationships is to enrich your own life through self discovery. The more you know about yourself, the more you have to offer someone special. I would recommend any self enlightenment book, such as “Seat of Your Soul” by Gary Zukov. It will fill you with a sense of purpose which gives you an undeniable feeling of self worth. When you’re sure of yourself, you become much more attractive.

Personally, I’ve found that if you work on yourself, the rest falls into place. Go to the gym, quit the bad habits, clean up your act. People notice a person who cares about themselves and respect themselves. Become someone that others WANT to be around. That’s what I did, and it worked for me.

I’d recommend “Are You the One for Me?” by Barbara DeAngelis. She’s very practical and straightforward and offers lots of useful ways to think about love and the reasons behind attraction.

I personally like the Dale Carnegie series of books such as “How to stop worrying and start living” I find them very helpful in putting a positive twist on life.

The audio tapes by John Gray, “How to find your Soulmate”, was the most intriquing of any tapes or books I’ve encountered in regards to finding that “perfect mate”. They were given to me by a very special man at a time when I felt my self-worth as a woman was nil. The advice given was real and down to earth. Mr. Gray also has a sense of humor ,so there was never a boring moment. Much of what Mr Gray had to say was a bit raw, and “stimulating”, but I made myself sit through every word—-even those things that I didn’t quite agree with—-those were some of the things that hit “home.” The tapes weren’t expensive, but even if they had been, it was worth the priceless advice given.

There is a book that i think all men should read, that would help them and the women they come in contact with. I wish i had read this when i was 18. The name of the book is “Everything Your Father Should Have Told You About Women, Love,Romance and Love-making” by: Ben Sterling; Volcano Books, po box 439, 2 Sydenham road, Cheltenham, UK GL526wj

I think anything by Dr. “Tell it like it is” Phil McGraw would be beneficial, whether one is in a relationship or single.

Absolutely the best book in helping one to have a lasting and fulfilling love is “Keeping the Love You Find…A Personal Guide” by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. In it, Dr. Hendrix points out that all of us – even so-called ‘well-adjusted normal people’ (in my opinion an oxymoron these days!) – have unresolved conflicts that unknowingly make them seek out incompatible partners, sabotage current relationships and/or simply run from commitments without knowing why.

The book that I found most useful in getting to know myself, seeing my reactions to others, and affecting change is: ” When I say no, I feel guilty” , by Manuel J. Smith, PhD.

I’m new to this site but have attended Barbara DeAngelis seminar and have read her books. Ask Barbara-The 100 most-asked questions about Love, Sex, and Relationships is really a great paperback book for everyone. It’s very informative and straight forward.

…another book that may help those who want to be helped, is: “I love you, talk to me” by Donald R. Harvey, I truly believe communication between a man and a woman is the key to a successful relationship and this book is a good start in that direction. The “Marriage Builder” by Lawrence J. Crabb Jr. is also a informative book , sometimes we forget to keep our personal relationship with our spouse, as exciting as the first date or gratifying as the “first time”.

…books I recommend: 1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Gregory Godek, 2002 Romantic Ideas : Special Moments You Can Share With the One You Love by Cyndi Haynes, Dale Edwards

A friend of mine highly recommends a book called “Men and Women Starting Over” by John Gray.

I have learned proper communication skills from a book/workbook (the book has practice sections with example conversations) called “Expressing Your Feelings, The Key To Intimate Relationships” by Roger T. Crenshaw, M.D. I can’t tell you how much this book has helped me in all type of relationships. If you learn the basic skills you will find that there will be less arguing and more deep personal feelings being expressed in any conversation. I highly recommend this book for enhancing all relationships.

I think the best book on relationship is the Chicken Soup for the Couple’s Soul: 101 Inspirational Stories About Love and Relationships. Also, books by one of the author of Chicken soup, DeAngelis Barbara are also very good in enriching current and future relationship. I.E. How to make love all the time by DeAngelis Barbara, Phd. In her book, Barbara did mention John Gray’s books (I think she mentioned that she worked with him on some research). One of the famous book on relationship Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: by John Gray. As far as seminar is concerned try
http://www.onlineconsulting.com/motspeakers.htm
You can find information on both John Gray and Barbara’s seminars.

Well, file this under the “for what it’s worth department”, but my recommendation for an excellent “improving your success in future relationships” teaching is Barbara DeAngelis’ “Making Love Work” seminar series. This series is comprised of two video tapes: one is the seminar video which covers the following topics: 1) The real reason couples fight & how to prevent it; 2) The wrong & right way to communicate your feelings; 3) The secret ingredient for making love last a lifetime; 4) How to resolve negative feelings in minutes; 5) Live demonstrations of Barbara’s love techniques. The second video tape is entitled “Secrets about men every woman should know” (Hmmmmm…….OK guys, the gig is up; you are fully exposed!). Also included are 5 cassette tapes which talk about: 1) Making love first; 2) Discovering the hidden source of your love problems; 3) Breaking through your emotional walls: secrets for love that lasts; 4) The secret ingredients for making relationships work; 5) Keeping the magic of love alive year after year. There is a lot of useful stuff offered in this seminar, of particular interest to me was how to avoid getting into toxic relationships. We all know people who go from one bad relationship to another bad relationship, because their mind is subconsciously programmed to seek out the wrong people and exclude those who would truly make them happy.

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pheromone Q&A

Q: I would like to ask you a few more questions about Primal (name of product). When I read information on another pheromone product (Athena), they stated that their product has to be mixed with an alcohol based after shave and has to have contact with your skin in order for the product to combine with your body chemistry in order to work. What I have read about Primal is that is doesn’t even have to be on your skin. I do not know which on to believe. What is your opinion? Also if I apply Primal behind my ears and I go workout and sweat a lot, does it wear out? How long does the effect of Primal stay with me if I place it behind my ears? would it be better to place some on my clothes? How many times a day should I put more Primal on?

A: Don’t worry about mixing with cologne/aftershave. It is not necessary and will always increase the chance of loss through destruction of the active ingredient and/or precipitation. The other question is not so easy to answer. There are pluses and minuses to both skin and clothing application. When you skin-apply a product like Realm and (probably) Athena’s, which contain other steroidal material in addition to pheromones, there is always the chance of some entering the blood-stream and causing some mood elevation, and I have a feeling this medical-type effect is why Athena says you must apply their products directly to the skin. This may also be possible with some of the strong pheromone products like Primal too. I am not an MD and really don’t known. But mostly whether or not to skin apply is a matter of finances, and how “ripe” you want to get for the situation at hand. pheromones both natural and synthetic applied or otherwise adhering to clothing stay there a LONG time. I once was loaned a sweater worn by an old girlfriend of mine and always got a very warm feeling inhaling the fumes off of that thing. The effect lasted for months I think. On the other hand, you’d have to bury your nose in the material to get the full treatment. When you go to the gym and put a couple dabs or Primal behind your ears, it is gone in an hour or two, but where do you think it went! To a large extent, off into the atmosphere. You are giving off a lot of the scent at those times, and don’t need to apply much.

I am a big fan of DateMate and almost always apply it to my shirt collars, but I apply quite a bit. Once the alcohol has evaporated the pheromone scent is coming off into the room very slowly, and thusly lasts for quite a while, even through a couple of clothes washings.

Moral of the story? Experiment, experiment, experiment, and try new ideas!

Bruce Boyd
Pheromone News
love-scent.com
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Legal Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and therefore none of the information contained in this newsletter should be construed as medical advice. It is only my personal opinion based on research papers and books I have read on pheromones, my own personal experiences and those of others who have written to me.
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THE NOSE VS. THE VNO
The battle continues
Bruce Boyd

Probably the most interesting thing about the relatively new science of pheromones, is that its existence represents the possibility of an entirely new or “sixth” sense. For centuries man has been aware that his connection with the world was limited to a mere five avenues of perception: sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. And now suddenly scientists are telling us: “Hey, we have a sixth sense.” That is big news. But, if the perception of pheromones represents a sixth sense, then it must utilize a clearly unique apparatus; something different than those through which we see, hear, taste, touch and smell. And indeed, the idea that we may be on to a new “sense,” is related to the discovery in both man and other mammals of just such a unique sensory organ in the nose known as the Vomeronasal Organ or VNO. Admittedly the VNO is much closer in function and location to our normal sense of smell, than it is to the organs with which we see, hear etc. but it is a separate system none the less, and even connects to a different part of the brain than does our normal smell sensing system. The VNO was discovered in animals as far back as the 1800s, and there has been enough credible research done on animals since then, that there is now little doubt that the perception of pheromones is an important factor in animal behavior and in most cases crucial for courtship and mating to occur. The discovery of the VNO in humans came much later however, and there has been quite a bit of controversy as to whether the organ actually functions in human beings or not. At present, though, I would hazard a guess that few among knowledgable scientists would deny the existence of the VNO in humans and that it at least has the capability to receive and transmit stimuli to the brain. How and to what extent those stimuli affect our behavior is still the subject of much arguing.

In the June, 2000 issue of the Pheromone News an article appeared which examined the results of some interesting research concerning the operation of the human VNO. The original study, Perfumery and the Sixth Sense, was performed by Clive Jennings-White at the University of Utah Department of Psychiatry, and was funded by the enormous pheromone cologne manufacturer, Erox Corp. (maker of the Realm colognes) The study used sophisticated electronic equipment attached directly to the VNO organ in human subjects, and was able to actually detect to what degree the organ was sending out signals toward the brain and thereby theoretically giving us a very handy instrument for measuring to what degree various fragrances and “pheromones” stimulate the VNO and in turn presumably affect our feelings and behavior.

Myself, I have always been of the mind that the very definition of the word “pheromone” decreed that a substance must be able to stimulate the VNO in order to be considered a true pheromone. Certainly the researchers involved with the Jennings/White study mentioned above feel this way, but recently I received a copy of a very interesting study from the great pheromone scholar and author James Kohl, that begs to differ. The title of the study is: Sensitivity and behavioral responses to the pheromone androstenone are *not* mediated by the vomeronasal organ in domestic pigs. (Whew! What a mouthful) It was conducted by Drs. Dorries KM, Adkins-Regan E, and Halpern BP at the Department of Psychology at Cornell University. Notice the emphasis I have applied to the word “not” in the above title. Probably one of the most dramatic (from a perfumers point of view anyway) demonstrations of the power of pheromones is in its effects on the mating behavior of domestic pigs. When an adult female pig gets a good whif of the male pheromone androstenone (also present in human sweat in great amounts by the way), she will adopt a certain “stance” shall we say and… well, let’s just say, it makes good ad text for pheromone marketers. Anyway, until I read this study however, I was under the distinct impression that this pheromone reaction was mediated entirely by the female pigs VNO, but these researchers are saying NOT mediated by the VNO. What gives, and how can they say that?

The experiment consisted of blocking off the VNO entirely using surgical glue and then measuring the behavior of these surgically altered pigs versus the normal, untreated or “control” pigs. In the words of the researchers here is what they found:

“Vomeronasal organ-blocked animals did not differ from untreated controls in either androstenone-mediated receptive standing behavior or attraction to the odor of androstenone. We conclude that in the domestic pig, the vomeronasal organ is not necessary for androstenone detection or androstenone-mediated sexual behavior in estrous females.”

So there you have it. pheromones are obviously having a very powerful effect on animal mating behavior. pheromones do in fact stimulate the VNO organ, but apparently they can take care of business through other chanels, presumably the nose, as well if the VNO is rendered useless. Hmmm….

Just in case, though, don’t forget to smile!
Bruce
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WIN A FREE BOTTLE OF pheromones! FILL OUT A SURVEY!
(below)
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Survey/Contest time!

THE SEPTEMBER SURVEY QUESTION:
What are you looking for in a mate? Please take a few minutes and answer the two questions below. This month’s survey is primarily aimed at “seekers,” but nobody is barred from our surveys. If you are happily attached, think back to what you were looking for when you met your current partner, and maybe in the question two area you can evaluate how well your selection system served you in getting you to where you are now.

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THE QUESTIONS:

1. How important to you are the following qualities in a potential mate?
Rate them 0-10 (0 being of no importance at all and 10 being vital)

Sense of humor
Intelligence
Handsome/pretty face
“Nice body”
Skillful in bed
Good provider skills
Wealth
Education
General Health
Physical Fitness
Hobbies/Interests
Social skills
Other (specify)

2. Write a couple sentences about what is important to you in a mate:

3. If you don’t mind, please include your sex, age and marital status. (optional)

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Cut and paste the area between the rows of stars, answer the questions, and..
Send completed surveys to:
news@love-scent.com
Please don’t mail this entire newsletter back to me. (for many reasons) Thanks!
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As usual, I will pick prize winners *at random* from the survey entries at the rate of at least 1 per 50 entries with a minimum of 2 winners each month. Last month there were only 80 entries (up from 17 the month before) and 3 winners (generous me!), which gave entrants a 1 in 27 chance of winning!

Send completed surveys to:
news@love-scent.com
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MatchMasters Online Dating Systems
Full membership — FREE!
Personal photos ads, search and match, private message service and more.
Look for the Matchmasters link in the left menu at:
http://love-scent.com/
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User Corner

This day i got the pheromone additive it came with a free excite wipe. I used more of the wipe and a few drops of PA mixed with cologne. I had on a white tanktop since it was so hot, so i used the excite wipe on my arms. That day i had a class to go to, I got there and sat in my usual spot, I am a handsome guy, ladies are no problem but i say these sites and decided to see if it takes me farther, anyway I am sitting and this young lady who always flirted with me sat right next to me. then through the whole day she would just look up into my eyes and she couldn’t stop talking, I mean not in a way that she was tongue tied but she wanted to keep speaking just to interact with me in some way, now remember i said she flirted before but never like this! she was like a fan seeing Nsync or something! She kept touching my arms etc…and the whole time I am thinking “this stuff works!”
Bill
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