February, 2000

Hello Again Readers,

Well, I’ve really pushed it this time! It will be the middle of the day on the last day of February by the time the Pheromone News goes out this month (it’s already March 1st here in Japan). Excuses there are aplenty, but I won’t bore you with them. This issue will be a bit unusual, and we will be back to normal by mid March. Good news is we moved into a new home, smaller and cheaper, but very sunny with a nice view and garden. Yesterday morning I watched a spectacular sunrise from the ocean from my office window. Love Scent pheromone Store products have moved as well to a new home in Colorado. Some really fine folks will be taking, packing and shipping the orders from now on.

****SCAM ALERT****IS THERE A LAWYER IN THE HOUSE?***
The Scam of Love
I have received countless complaints and horror stories from readers who have fallen victim recently to a website at the URL: http://scent-of-love.com
Some scam artists have posted a carbon copy of the entire Love Scent pheromone Store web site at that address and appear to be selling the same line up of products. In appearance the site is nearly identical to Love Scent pheromone Store but there is no connection at all between the two. We have traced the URL to a JM Design in Gainesville, Florida, but they refuse to answer e-mail or take phone calls about this matter. Please be careful. I contacted one of the suppliers whose products are listed on the website, and they have never heard of them either. In any case they are no connection with us.
Handy reference:
love-scent.com (us)
scent-of-love.com (not us)
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RE the January survey: The results of this month’s survey, “putting the fire back in marriage” are in my mind the most important to date. I was amazed at the level of involvement and the quality of the material that was developed. More than once, while reading the responses, I was moved to tears by stories with endings both happy and sad. I also found myself feeling very grateful for the stability of my own marriage after reading what a lot of you are going through at the moment. Rather than “putting the fire back in marriage”, I think “saving the institution of marriage” would be a more appropriate title judging from the results. As mentioned, this newsletter will be a bit unusual. I would like to dedicate it to just that, putting the love back in our relationships. I wish all of you who are engaged in this endeavor the greatest success.

Bruce Boyd
editor
Sendai, Japan
news@love-scent.com
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This Issue’s pheromone “News”:

*January’s Survey/Contest Results
*pheromone Q and A
*Feature Article: Marriage pheromones?
-Bruce Boyd
*This month’s “Free pheromones” Survey/Contest
*New Products
*pheromones in the Cinema
*User Corner; Reader pheromone Story
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January’s Survey Results

WINNERS:
Our drawing winners (drawn at random from sent-in surveys) are:
Vivek and Chris
~*Congratulations!*~
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RESULTS:
January survey:
What can I say but “thank you”.

#1. What do you think can be done to fuel and/or rekindle romantic feelings in a long-term relationship?

#2. What are some of the pitfalls that couples fall into that destroy natural romantic feelings, and how can those pitfalls be avoided/repaired?

M 41 S: Keep dating your spouse AFTER the wedding!
**Taking your spouse for granted. Not just coming home every day and plopping on the couch. Take continuing education classes together. Once a month, go do something new TOGETHER, Have a DATE night once a week or every other week and STICK to it.

F 53 M: Boredom in the bedroom…….too much stress from your job.
A new hairdo or hair cut. A change in the style of clothes you wear. Possibly weight loss.

31, Female, Divorcing Be spontaneous. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Continue to be romantic even after the “honeymoon”. And the most important thing is COMMUNICATION! **Not communicating. Getting into a rut. Doing the same things day after day week after week. Same old routine. Don’t try or are not willing to try new things.

M: I messed up a marriage of 37 years by leaving my wife three different times in 12 years to look for greener pastures. In the long run I found that the women I met during those absences from my wife did not like my many bad habits. i turned back to my wife and she accepted me back, but out relationship has suffered ever since.

F 19, S: think it’s the little gestures that add up. Making time for little kisses and warm hugs every day.

**Getting too comfortable, so comfortable that you don’t relish the moment they put their arms around you like you did the first time they held you. To just enjoy every moment and really feel it.

18 M S It would seem that communication is the best thing. I know that’s a cliche, but no one other than psychics can read another’s mind. If you at least let the other person know what you’re thinking, you may be able to jump-start a long-term relationship. Indifference would have to be the main one. If someone shows no interest in a relationship, then the spouse is going to start feeling unwanted. The only way to avoid it is by taking an active interest in your partner’s ideas and activities. If you succeed in doing so, your relationship has a chance.

F 39 D: go out on a date…..go back to basics…..be spontaneous…use candles couples get into routines & they take each other for granted…..try to avoid the routines of day to day stuff, try to think of the other persons feelings & surprise each other once in awhile with something different

F 40 M It’s the little things that can make all the difference in a long-term relationship. Slip your mate a love note in their lunch sack, do something extra nice and unexpected for your partner, such as picking up their dry cleaning, prepare their favorite dinner, draw a heart in their serving of mash potatoes, plant a flower and when it blooms, take your partner to it and show them “their” flower, hide a note in the lid of the antiperspirant, or their cologne/perfume bottle, or hat, etc. and when they open to use it, it will fall out with words of love, write “I love you” on the next sheet of toilet paper, call and leave a message of love on your own home answering machine for your mate, write “I love you” in the dust on the TV set!, take the batteries out of the TV/VCR remote and replace with a love note. There are so many things that one can do that are just reminders of the love that we have for our spouse/partner!

I know that one major pitfall is not telling your partner that you love him or her! Many people feel that after having been together for a number of years, the other person automatically “knows” that they are loved and telling them is no longer necessary! How wrong! We all need affirmations and there is none other than I long to hear than my spouse telling me that he loves me.

M 33 M
Being open minded and spontaneous. You have to bring in new things to the relationship every so often. Never forget to let her know how much she means to you, how important she is to you and how much you love here.
**They don’t communicate as well as they should. You should be able to tell your mate what you want without offending them. That means that you both have to be flexible and open minded. Sometimes people get in a rut of thinking that they don’t want to tell the other person how they feel or what they expect from them. Relationships are about give and take. Sometimes we concentrate to much on what we want instead of what others want. Guys don’t try and be romantic just cuz your trying to get laid. That’s not always what women want.

3. 49, male, divorced.
Complaining about minor things constantly destroys romantic feelings.

54 F, Separated
One of the most profound truths is that once words are out of our mouths…they can never be taken back. When one partner hurts another…..a little love is destroyed….if you just keep chipping away at a rock…even the Rock of Gibraltar; at some point it is gone. Think before you speak. Make time for each other. Put your partners pleasure first.

I believe women as a whole….even younger women are so tied up in the tangle of sexual taboos and hangups that they do not and cannot enjoy sex. Sex is made for women…..most women believe it is made for men. I mean we are the ones that got the gift of multiple orgasm; all women have to do is learn to use it.

41 F D
I feel that criticism is the worst thing a man or woman can do to their relationship. don’t do it! find a way to get your point across in a non-invasive way if you really need something to change.

F 27 M
NEVER compare your husband/wife to an ex-except them for who and what they are, NEVER bring up old mistakes that your partner has made-it is in the past-move on and get past it

F 19 S
**Jealousy is one. This can be avoided if each person in the relationship is honest with one another

F 45 D
Some of the pitfalls that my ex and I fell into included things like not telling or showing the other person you care, not having deep meaningful conversations, picking on the faults of the other, blaming the other for things beyond either ones control just to make yourself eel better, saying mean things to the other…the list goes on and on.

M 18 S
When you fall into a routine, sometimes the routine becomes a burden. Therefore, you should try something different now and then so that you don’t fall into a routine.

F 55 D
take a loved one to dinner and make sure there are flowers on the table and a violinist playing your favorite music. Dancing is always a must!!

F 37 M
not forgetting or forgiving past mistakes, forgetting that the other person is supposed to be the person you confide in, the person you turn to for support, and vice versa… if your mate isn’t your best friend who is?

M 31 S
A little game I play with my significant other is we spend a whole day not speaking to each other. That is, communicating in other ways other than by speech and voice. Because we can’t say what we mean, we have to find other ways of ‘saying’ it and being understood. It gives us insight to each other.

M 38 S
Pitfalls in a relationship? ok guys, face it. they are your fault! admit it, and try to be better. ok, really, they tend to be as a result of becoming “too comfortable” and forgetting to pay attention. avoidance is you plan “A”. Try to pick out something she does for you every day, and mention it! it can be as simple as a new hair cut, or a new dress. Plan “B” repair. the word “I’m sorry” should spill from your lips easily by now. and then, do something to let her know that you do need her. a back or foot rub is good, any thing to make her feel special!

16 F “recently and unhappily single
The biggest problem in my opinion, is miscommunication. Talking is just as important as being physical, and if you have a problem and he doesn’t understand what it is, he may think you’re feelings have changed and that will make him act differently toward you, which will upset you as well. You need to talk about everything, and it will bring you closer together.

27 M S
NEW THINGS!!!!! That is the most effective way to rekindle anything. Trying new things.

32 F M
FARTING…I DEFINITELY CANNOT FEEL ROMANTIC AFTER HE DOES IT!

42 F D
Weekend getaways are great…exploring new places. I love getting flowers or cards…I used to find them in unusual places

Try to find something you enjoy to do together emphasis on TRY We’ve asked the question a hundred times and I can’t come up with an answer The kids are in college and we’ve drifted out of site of each other We sleep in separate rooms even 46 yrs, male, married one time 26yrs in April 00

20 F Engaged
Give your significant other an all over oil massage then remove the oil with your tongue.

I am 58 years old and divorced. And I hate being alone.

49, wife of 31 years.
Not LISTENING! You must respect a man’s right to be wrong! (just kidding.) But, communication (NOT starting a rip-roaring fight, but calm, rational, well-presented views) is a key factor for any relationship–home, work, friendship–any relationship. Also, being willing to be proved wrong gracefully!

33 F S
REMEMBER that you are FRIENDS and treat each other as SO…

M 55 D
I always hated the idea of “working” at a relationship but finally I acknowledge its true…..it does take effort and commitment from both parties. I’m divorced twice so i know plenty of the pitfalls. Listening is important, simple but how well do we really do it. Even after years one may discover new aspects to a person, and also get a better feeling of closeness by letting them know you do c are enough to listen and not be judgmental of introduce ones own agenda.

42 F Separated
Marriage is not an answer, it is a search. It is a relationship within which change is generated by relating and living together. It can produce growth, identity and a sense of rootedness. But if it is not going to become a trap, and if you are going to defy the 20th century by staying married, you will need to renew and enrich your relationship, again and again and again.
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pheromone Q and A:

Q: Bruce,
What is your opinion on the 1993 Grammer,K. study where the result is that 289 women said Androstenone is Unattractive or neutral. Doesn’t that throw a hitch in these products that contain ONLY androstenone. Seems like a vital important study that is not discussed in relation to the products that contain Androstenone unless I am not understanding the study. Any ideas?

A: The research you mention does on the surface look bad for marketeers of pheromone products, and they don’t tend to publicize it, but it doesn’t bother me. I think there is adequate evidence that both the andro pheromones (androstenone and androstenol) attract females. What this study was looking for was a change in the AMOUNT that they are attracted depending on the stage of the subjects menstrual cycle. Ovulation being the prime moment for conception, we would expect to see the attraction the strongest at that point, and weak or absent during other times. The change they were looking for was found but as you pointed out researchers were unable to find any attraction during ovulation, just the absence of repulsion. Considering that this is the only experiment out of dozens of both controlled and anecdotal studies that fails to show significant attraction to androstenone, I think we can rest assured that there is some confounding factor present in these results. I am happy to see that they found a change over menstrual cycle phase, but don’t believe it proves that androstenone is ineffective as an attractant.

Thanks for the great question! Keep in touch.
Bruce

**Hey Readers** Want to put your 2 cents in on this one? See this month’s survey below!
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Feature Article:
Marriage pheromones???
-Bruce Boyd

It’s 5:30 am on the East coast of Japan as I write this, and the horizon is just starting to turn red and orange. I’m looking forward to another beautiful ocean sunrise. I spent some time in Key West Florida many years ago, and I can still remember clearly how folks would gather on a certain pier down there and watch the sun set into the ocean every evening. If I ever get back from the land of the rising sun, I guess I will literally have come “full circle”.

As I mentioned, I was quite moved by the marriage first-aid survey results I read. They made me think a lot about my own marriage and the things that have helped keep it going. Not the least of these being living in Japan where the divorce rate is extremely low, and having two young children hasn’t hurt either. To be completely honest I would have to say that without these two external pressures, our chances of success would have been far lower. Furthermore, I think I owe a lot of my marriage stability to blind luck, or God’s grace, depending on your religious orientation, in that I have somehow stumbled into one of the embarrassingly few people in the world that I could live with day in and day out, without fighting endlessly. I’m not saying my wife is easy to get along with, because she is not. She is often negative, and depressive. At the worst of times it seems like it is an ongoing task to keep her mood elevated, but she is 100% honest and 100% dedicated to the welfare of our family (which includes me in there too), and that is more than enough for me. If I were to walk away from this marriage, looking for laughs and excitement, I’m quite sure it would rank as one of the most iladvised moves of my life.

On the one hand, reading the survey results made me feel absolutely convinced that the sanctity of marriage must be upheld at all costs, and although my own marriage is going quite strong at the moment, it came into my mind that it might be a good idea to brainstorm about ways to further strengthen the health of our family rather than take the chance of growing lazy with a marriage that is perhaps only “comfortable.” In my situation that is the clear road to take, absolute determination to honor the marriage vows. In other marriages that decision is not so easy to make, I realize. I can still remember the fights my mother and father used to get into late at night. The terrible things that marriage partners will say to each other in anger staggers the imagination. If kids are not involved, it makes you wonder what the point of remaining together is. My younger sister, living in California, is about to get married for the seventh time, and why not? What does she have to lose? In a lot of ways I’m not too keen on living in Japanese society, but the divorce rate here is extremely low and for good reason. Legally it is a piece of cake to get divorced. The outcome is very clear and can be processed very quickly. The man gets all the money, the woman gets all the kids, and they never see each other ever again. The woman is flat broke with kids to support, and returns to her parents house where she will spend the rest of her life. The chance of remarriage is so close to zero it can’t be measured accurately.

If you read the survey results, you may have noticed that I made no attempt to compile them into any type of chart of average or prevalent moods on the subject. To do so would have resulted in something like the following:
Q #1: Rekindling romance: Trying new and different things (everybody)
Q #2: Pitfalls of marriage: Being mean to each other and lack of communication (everybody)
How to avoid them: Being good to each other and communication (everybody)

So what does this have to do with pheromones? Nothing. pheromones get you into the mess, but they can’t get you out. They help you fall into love with your kids as well, but when those kids hit high school and want to dye their hair purple, there you are again. I often tell people that pheromones and/or an understanding of how they work are like a tool or a weapon, they can be used for good or bad purposes. As human beings we are driven by our passions, and that is for the most part great fun, but if we are to save the institution of marriage, it will take more than pheromones, it will take individual determination. It will take each and every one of us consciously deciding to “stop the buck” of insults and selfishness, and returning in its place understanding and generosity.

Before I go, I’d like to quote one of this month’s surveys. It could stand to be said at least one more time: “One of the most profound truths is that once words are out of our mouths…they can never be taken back. When one partner hurts another…..a little love is destroyed.”

Hopefully, the reverse is also true: “When one partner eases the paid of another…..a little love is created.”

In any case, don’t forget to smile!
Bruce
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Survey/Contest time!

Have you tried using pheromones (natural or bottled) for social purposes???

The Questions:
#1. Have you ever used a pheromone product?
#2. Did it have any effect?
#3. If so, what effect did it have?
#4. Do you think that pheromones have uses other than romantic ones?
#5. What products have you tried?
#6. Which ones do you like best?
#7. Why?
#8. Where did you first find out about pheromones?
#9. Have you noticed anything interesting about natural pheromones (personal hygiene etc.) and their effect on others?
#10. Comments?
Please include your age, sex and marital status.
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As usual, I will pick prize winners from the survey entries at the rate of at least 1 per 50 entries with a minimum of 2 winners each month. Last month there were only 58 entries (up from 48 the month before) and 2 winners (the minimum), which gave entrants about a 1 in 29 chance of winning!

Send completed surveys to:
news@love-scent.com
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New Product Feature

PRIMAL INSTINCT
An Arizona-based company recently funded a study chemically analyzing a number of the top brands for actual content of one of the most popular andro pheromones, androstenone. There own product Primal Instinct pheromone not only came out number one, but was rated at ten times the androstenone content as the number two cologne (Androstenone pheromone Concentrate)! Expensive, but at the recommended application of 2 drops, it should go a long way.

http://love-scent.com/primal-instinct

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Advertisement:

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Personal photos ads, search and match, private message service and more.

http://love-scent.com/
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pheromones in the Cinema

–From the British TV sitcom, The Thin Blue Line

Angered by a conversation regarding the use of cologne by men, Frank, a British police officer from Trinidad slams his fist down on his desk and bellows:
“A woman likes to smell a man as nature intended….sweat, Guinness, and pickled onions! You can’t bottle that!”
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User Corner
I have a very happy story. I was dateless for over 5 YEARS! I never could seem to attract anyone and I began to question myself time and time again. What is wrong with me, I would wonder. I asked everyone that I could for advice (but not any of my friends because I lied to them and told them I was dating). Well I got on the net and did some research. Discovered pheromones and tried Date 22. [now known as DateMate 2000] In the beginning, I thought that I had been ripped off. Well, 2 days later, a woman walked up to me and told me her friend (whom I walked by earlier) was interested in me and was so attracted to me that she couldn’t come herself. After that, I continuously have been hit on by women and I feel great and exhausted. But I have never been happier. Thank you so much.
C.B.
Marietta, GA
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In the mood for some laughs?
Try my weekly humor/joke E-Zine at:
http://hit-central.com/jokes

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Thank you all, and keep those articles and experiences coming!
Technical advice also welcome.

Feel free to distribute this newsletter freely as long as you include the following sign-up information:
Back issues and sign up are located at:
http://love-scent.com/zine

You can also join this list by sending a blank e-mail message to:
pheromone-subscribe@listbot.com

Bruce Boyd
Sendai PRI
news@love-scent.com