Love is Blind...and so Am I
By Pancho Rivera
It's not hard to figure out where the saying,
"You're so blind that you can't even see what's right in front of you," came from. We often use metaphors like
this one to describe how people do not comprehend the fact that someone may or may not be interested in them,
flirting with them, or trying to get their attention. It's not every day the meaning can be taken figuratively and
literally at the same time. This, of coure, is where I come in.
I'm looking into laser eye surgery. Instead
of wearing glasses or contacts, I've chosen the worst option of walking around and squinting when necessary after
two instances of getting hit in the face: one where I scratched my glasses and the other that almost blinded me from
getting slapped in the face. I am finally financially and chronologically sound enough to undergo this precedure,
so I schedule my eye exam. I get up in the morning and decide that I haven't been wearing enough SOE when I use it
because I've heard that 6" is better than the 4" I normally use. Of course I find the perfect amount of -mones to
use when I can't see a thing.
I go to the doctor's office, get my eyes dilated, have the exam, and get back to
the office. I only took 12 steps into the building before an attractive woman starts talking to me. I'm wearing
sunglasses inside because my pupils are the size of dimes, and my sight is so messed up from the eyedrops that I
can't see well with or without them. Needless to say, I had no idea that this attractive woman was talking to me
as I walk inside the elevator. Seeing as we're the only two people in the elevator and she's looking at me when
she speaks, I finally get the hint.
I can't believe what is happening. In my whole life, I probably have more
fingers than I have memories of attractive women starting a conversation with me. I'm wearing SOE that is
apparently working, my most form-fitting outfit that accentuates my thin, muscular physique in all the right places,
and sunglasses inside an elevator. This woman is talking to me, she's going to the same floor as me, and she's
looking at me with what I perceived with my horrible vision to be one of the most sincere and playful smiles I've
seen in a long time given in my direction. It's only when I'm completely discombobulated and in the most
uncomfortable of circumstances that an attractive woman flirts with me. I have two words for Fate, and they're
not, "How ironic..."
As I walk up to the elevator, she starts talking about how much noise her shoes are making.
She makes a comment or two that I don't remember because I didn't know she was talking to me before we went
inside the elevator. As we got in together, I see her talking directly to me with the tone of voice like she just
made a couple of jokes about them to me in a friendly, almost flirty way. When she looks at me with a big smile on
her face, I suddenly become very aware that I'm still wearing my sunglasses, and although I know I'm still wearing
them because my eyes are dilated, anyone else would just think me a fool trying to be cool. Between the look on my
face from feeling uncomfortable because of my lack of regular eyesight, dilation, and wearing sunglasses in an
elevator, I couldn't help but think she must think I'm crazy. It reminded me of the small part of Scooby-Doo
I watched the other day where the nerdy girl tries to be attractive and the guy asks if she needs to use the
restroom. I'm sure I was pretty close to that.
Somehow, though, she keeps going with a big smile on her face
and being friendly with me. I'm trying to get my act together so I can pay attention to what she's saying despite
the fact that I'm still trying to focus on getting used to my hindered sight. She looks at the bottom of her heel
and notices that the rubber or whatever that was at the bottom wasn't there anymore, so the heels were making
noise. Without saying a word, I manage to keep my eyes on her (even though I couldn't see well) enough to give the
impression I was with her on what she was talking about even though I'm completely out of my element. I snap out
of my daze and get myself together, but all I can come up with is what I would naturally say as almost instinct in
response to what she said: "Well, I guess you'll have to walk on carpeting for the rest of the day."
Okay, so
that's pretty good for the situation I was in, but it's pretty sad that it took me a good 30 seconds for what
should've taken 3. She apparently likes my joke, as she laughs and keeps talking about it as we walk out of the
elevator. I start going in the other direction as she keeps talking. Now, I could have gone the other way and
walked with her to get where I was going, but I went the other way.
That's all I said, by the way. That one
sentence. I don't forget things, either, and I barely remember much of that incident. I'm not sure it's
forgetting as much as it is not being able to capture it in the first place because I couldn't see.
I walk to
my cube and sit down. The rest of the day was similar, as I had abnormally attractive women walking past me all
day. I don't know where they came from, but I don't remember them being there before. You may insert your joke
about me not being able to see so they appeared more attractive here, by the way...
Of course, I make the best
of every encounter by---what else?---keeping a strained look on my face because I'm trying to keep my eyes
protected from their extreme dilation. I haven't seen so many attractive women give me looks looks like this all
in one day, and yet I can't see well enough to appreciate it or keep an attractive look on my face to capitalize on
it.
I don't fully comprehend everything until I get on the elevator to go home with two attractive women I've
never seen on my floor before. Both of them look at me, and one of them looks at me three times...all with a hint
of trying to size me up. When this happens, I walk outside realizing everything I missed that day. I smack my
forehead and think to myself, "Oh, man...I can't believe that."
They say that love is blind...it must be true
because the women are really feeling me when I am. It figures.
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