wow guys, thanks for all your input. i feel loved.

few things i\'d like to reply:

1) i\'m always hearing \"do what makes you feel good inside, not to please others\". what if what one of the things that make me feel good inside is looking nice to others? people are always saying \"be yourself\", but they fail to realize that THAT IS \"ME\".

2) about the hairdresser... i\'ve never had my hair styled. only cut, left to me to do whatever. but i\'d like a professional\'s opinion. a lot of these movie stars are average-looking, but after their hair is styled (and made-up for women/some men) they look beautiful.

3) i\'m confident and funny enough to where i can pick up a girl here and there, but as i stated before, it\'s never \"good enough\". the 20-somethings and above at my job enjoy my company, and i\'m still not satisfied. like i said, THAT IS \"ME\"

4) i\'m iffy on the armpit hair thing. i like the \"animalism\" that some hair suggests (on me, not on women [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] ), but i don\'t really mind as long as it\'s not distracting, pubic hair can be sexy, in fact i prefer that look over bald ones, since i\'m reminded too much of pre-pubescent girls, although that might change when i\'m a dirty old man. trimmed is nice... and i\'m rambling)

5) facial hair... losing the goatee for a 5\'0-clock shadow, trying that out, if it works, great, if not, oh well. when i shave completely i look 16. when i don\'t shave at all, i look like a scruffy mexican

6) the eyes... thank you FTR. i didn\'t know that. it wasn\'t intentional. if only i had that more often.
7) thanks people who say i\'m cute. thanks to those who also give me suggestions. if you are both, i love ya!
8) i pluck the center of my brows
9) right now i have my hair short, close to my head, people tell me they prefer it longer. i\'m neutral, so i\'ll go with whatever looks nicer.
10) armpit hair, i\'m thinking i should treat it like my pubes... trimmed, but not bare, but not buckwheat either. rule of thumb, if the hair starts to be visible while my arms are down (peeking out the sides), then i\'ll trim, until then, i\'m leaving a little of the animal in me. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thanks everybody!

right now i look scruffy, since i have decided that this is a \"transitional\" period for me. and when i do care, i\'ll fix myself up. i can be getting to my goal slowly, as long as i know i\'m getting there.

i think of myself as a character in a role-playing game:
you can always increase the levels of health, strength, wealth, etc. and add new skills and build upon the character you were given. that\'s basically what i\'m doing.
although some of my improvements are superficial - looks, social skills(dancing, bartending, etc.), wealth, tone of voice - there are more improvements that are totally worthwhile and not superficial - memory, better thinking, ability to control dreams(lucid dreaming), being friendlier, getting to the point in conversations etc.

i am essentially a good person, who just wants to be better.

thanks for reading