So the weather’s moderate, the sun’s shining, it’s the weekend and I’m stuck at home with the flu. It happens to me almost every year — right around this time. Eleven months out of the year I never have any health problems, then just as spring peeks around the corner, I get some kind of killer flu bug from hell.

Last night I wanted to die. Guess I’m a wuss, ‘cause I just can’t handle the body aches, the congestion, the chills, sore throat... I know people that can go to work with this bug. But I can barely lift one foot in front of the other. And everybody seems to irritate me. It’s always been like this for me, so I know I don’t have malaria or something really serious like that.

I know there’s no cure, but does anybody know of something that makes you feel good while the virus has its way with you? (Maybe I’m asking too much.) I think I’ve tried every over the counter remedy and knock out medicine on the market, and haven’t found one that works for me

This time I’ve been sucking on zinc lozenges and all it got me was an INCREDIBLE, ROCK HARD ERECTION. (Fat lot of good it does me in this state.)

I’ve also tried hot toddies in the past, and they just make me want to puke. Miso soup kills the chills for about 15 minutes, but that’s it. Any other ideas?