Kusro, the
best things I'm hearing around here are about Chikara. It's not a major turn on (for me), but it's relaxing and
pleasant to be around. I think you'd probably have to check the guy's hit reports to see what they find really
works for them.
There was a recent thread
[
http://pherolibrary.com/forum/show
thread.php?t=10527] where another guy was asking pretty much the same question, and I thought the best advice
he got was to rely less on the -mones and think more about changing her expectations. Some of it was about practical
matters, and some of it was just horsing around and remembering to have fun (those were pretty much my ideas). Where
men tend to be more visual, we're more...environmental. And we still have to be courted, even after years and
years. If you set the stage well (including leaving home and going to a really nice hotel, if you can), make some
minor changes (such as wearing a new scent), and show up with some small token of your affections (diamonds are fab,
Godiva is excellent, but daisies will usually get it done), you stand a much better chance of taking her out of the
rut she's in. It's possible she's tired, or bored, or suffers from low libido (which is treatable). We go through
lots of changes caused by pregnancies, aging, lifestyle - all kinds of stuff, and we don't always take all those
changes lightly. It's a girl thing. You don't have to fix it. You just have to know it's there and remember not
to take it personally.
It's possible she harbors some unresolved resentment or other. I will certainly
guarantee that after all this time, you have managed to piss her off in at least a thousand different ways. You only
have to worry about the gripes you don't respond to, and the ones she doesn't voice. But I would also just about
guarantee that there was a time when she thought you hung the moon, that you were the studliest dude on the planet,
and that she misses that time very much, whether she says so or not. So talk to her about it. Take a little stroll
down memory lane. The early stuff. Remind her how crazy you were about her, etc. Play whatever music you both liked
at the time. Take her back to a place you went back then. Ask her point blank what it was that made her love you.
She'll remember.
You can probably make it all happen, but you have to make a space for it to happen in
(that's the provider thing at work). So there's your project. If it's really that important to you, you'll make
it job one, and you won't stop if any one thing doesn't work. You'll tinker with it like a high performance
engine and give it the same rapt attention. Forget your gonads for a bit and think about making her feel like a
princess. A princess is a happy girl, and a happy girl is a sexy girl, and the guy who makes a girl feel like a
princess is the guy who gets the goodies fit for a prince.
Happy Tinkering!
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