Good question. I think men who
live at home are generally looked down upon, and that living at home past a certain age would tend to hurt the
self-esteem in this culture. In places like India it's more acceptable.
Good question. I think men who
live at home are generally looked down upon, and that living at home past a certain age would tend to hurt the
self-esteem in this culture. In places like India it's more acceptable.
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
It has to do with society's traditional expectations of men and the degree to which men haveOriginally Posted by culturalblonde
taken those expectations to heart. So, part societal pressure, part machismo.
Living at home suggests
that the man can't fully provide for--or take care of--himself (and, therefore, anyone else), whether or not
that's actually true.
Anyway, I was thinking that men are looked down upon for the above only marginally
moreso than are women...
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
Yea, how the hell can you provide for
a woman if you can't provide for yourself (that's the signal its sending)? Men are supposed to be leaders.
Everybody including women look down on the helpless man who needs to be taken care of. Women aren't expected to be
successful financially.
"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest."
--Benjamin Franklin
The other thing is that living at
home (past a certain age) is generally interpreted by society as laziness, genetic and otherwise. As a lack of
willingness to get out there and brave the shitstorm, as it were.
And men who aren't willing to brave the
shitstorm, whether for their partner or themselves, ain't very attractive. (See Joseph Campbell. Or George
Costanza.)
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
So move out already, dude!Originally Posted by Holmes
"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest."
--Benjamin Franklin
Yeah, the
Midtown Tunnel is gettin' kinda cramped.
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
My friend went on a date
last night and I asked how it went. She went on and on about what a terrific guy he was. Everything she said led
me to believe that she had found the right guy. When I asked if she was going out with him again, she said, "h_ll
no, he lives with his mother." I was shocked because this was the only thing stopping her from seeing him again.
He is 35 and she is 33. Of course, I'm thinking maybe his mother is ill and he is taking care of her, or he is
trying to get back on his feet. But I don't think that either is the case. She said he has never been out on his
own.
P.S.
I did tell
her today that in India it was acceptable.
She gave me a look like this --->
I guess I will drop
the subject now.
I stay with my mom, too. I have been mentally battling with the female's view/opinion on men whoOriginally Posted by culturalblonde
live with their moms, and it bothered me for the longest. Now, I appreciate a woman that doesn't want to be with
me/see me because I live with my mom. I've found, I'm better off, 'cause with the mentality of one who thinks
that way and is bothered by it, belongs alone.
I'm definitely a MOMMY'S boy, and it's not the
MOMMY'S boy that she makes my decision, or I ask for her advice, but the MOMMY's boy that has her as A VERY
SPECIAL part of me ... my mom and my friend. I could care less what women/someone thinks ... now.
I even tell people/women I live with my mom ... now.
P.S. It's also accepted in Europe,
and the mother washes their clothes, irons them, cooks, and cleans their 20-50 year old son's rooms. What's
America!
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
P.S.S. Just because I
posted my thoughts, don't stop on the blasting of a 47 year man that lives with, loves, and thinks the world of his
mom.
Believe you me, I can take it, and I WILL NOT get offended. I love hearing how/what people think in all
kinds of situations!
Blast away, if you get the urge. If it gets too bad, I'll have to invite you into the
KING's MiniPool Room, and spank ya good!
Annnd, as for women getting look down upon for staying with
their parent(s) ... you have to always consider the source. The mentality of some people are really amazing
if you step back and look at the big picture ... some can't see the big picture, so you have people saying what
they say. Who really has the right to look down on anyone?
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
In the past living not only
with a parent, but one's entire extended family was more accepted. It is still accepted more in inner cities and
Hispanic (and other Ethnic) neighborhoods, where financial considerations tend to help such traditions endure.
A productive life in which one makes a unique contribution, feels fulfilled, and utilizes one's gifts for
others does not necessitate living on one's own; or necessarily even benefit from it!
We tend to take
American individualism as the will of God. It is merely a trait of one specific culture, at a specific point in
history.
Truth be told, if everyone lived in small intimate communities -- extended families plus others, for
example -- and shared resources; there would be far more peace and prosperity on the planet.
Mobley has some
courage to come on here and say all that.
Whether a lot of women would recognize this is another issue.
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
Great posts, Doc and Mobley!
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
You can say that again, Doc! Thank God,Originally Posted by DrSmellThis
I know for a fact, there are good looking, intelligent women, that do recognize this.
Regardless of how
anyone views me, I'm doing just fine ... in a l l areas!
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
Originally Posted by MOBLEYC57
Anyone who doesn't think the world of you, doesn't know you
"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest."
--Benjamin Franklin
You've got me blushing, BJF!Originally Posted by bjf
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
I for one would not let
that hold me back from seeing a man. Other cultures' views are interesting to me. My fiance is from the
Netherlands Antilles, so I asked him to get his viewpoint. He said, "Dey nuh wife wit mudda." He really
knows how to make me laugh.
Zoukland!Originally Posted by culturalblonde
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
lol. .....Originally Posted by culturalblonde
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
I haven't lived at home since I
was 15, and I have to say: it made significant changes in my personality. I still love my parents, and try to see
them/speak to them a lot, but I love my independance.
I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with
living with your folks, as my brother only recently moved out at the age of 26; I simply feel that it helped my
development so much that I wouldn't have had it any other way.
It's great to have place that is your own to
take a girl back to, as well. There's something of the naughty teenager about bringing a girl back to a parental
abode (which can be quite nice for a weekend, but would freak me out in the long run. No screaming, or room
changing etc etc)
Either or, really. I just like it this way.
Peace and Love
Steve
"...and from that egg, hatched a stone monkey!" (Newton)
I was going to send
this to Mobley in a PM, but decided to air my dirty laundry for all to see.
I wish I had Mobley's attitude
about this. I'm 45 and living at home right now. My younger brother is too. My sister is the only one who achieved
escape velocity from this town, partially because she went against the parents advice when she accepted a job in
Phoenix.
For me, there are are a couple of factors why I live at home. Several years ago, my dad had a triple
bypass. A few years later, my mom had brain surgery to remove a tumor. So I stayed around to help them. Add to that
the "discipline" that I received as a child which made me afraid to take risks and the fact that I accrued enormous
credit card debt trying to buy happiness during my parents' bad health periods. So now, I'm stuck where I am,
trying to get out of debt.
Needless to say, living at home is detrimental to a healthy love life. Mainly from
the self-esteem issues that society brings on, mainly through the media. Guys like me are the brunt of a lot of
jokes in sitcoms. I'm reminded of a conversation from the show, "Men Behaving Badly," starring Rob Schnider and
another guy whose name I forget:
(paraphrased)
I picked my handle at love scent partially inOther Guy: I ran into Frank Smith today, remember
him from high school?
Schnider: Oh yeah, how's he doing?
Other Guy: Seems he made it big in computer
programming. He developed some kind of operating system and is now filthy rich. He owns a 20 acre estate on which
he's building a home for his parents.
Schnider: He lives with his parents?
Other Guy:
Yeah.
Schneider: Loser!
Other Guy: Yeah.
irony as I live such a dull life. Stymied by the "loser" vibe I feel from living with the parents and "all work and
no play" syndrome. But like someone mentioned in the thread, how can a woman expect to be supported when I can't
even support myself right now. I am also intimidated by the fact that most women my age have been married and
divorced and have a kid or two. And that intimidation gets worse as I age. The realization that I'm suddenly 45,
depresses me. I keep thinking that I've reached my peak socially and professionally and it's all downhill from
here.
Again, I think a lot of it comes from television. You see beautiful, happy people living in places they
couldn't afford in reality (see "Friends"). All my life I wanted to be a 60s style swinging bachelor, but I'm more
like the comic book guy from "The Simpsons."
Well simply because women are
hardwired to be attracted to someone who can protect and provide. On all levels, emotional, materialistic etc.
Why? Well it makes sense that a woman would choose a man that is going to protect and perpetuate their
genes, meaning their offspring. Thus its attractive if the man can show that he can handle himself, his life and
possibly an offpsring and care and provide for it.
This was the first post I readOriginally Posted by InternationalPlayboy
today and, quite frankly, it blew me away.
If a guy's a cocksucker in his life, when he dies, he don't become a saint. - Morris Levy, Hitmen
Holmes' Theme Song
Yeah I know, deep thread.
IPB, TV can cut out the parts it doesn't like, and that's all thereOriginally Posted by InternationalPlayboy
is to it. If you never do anything else in this life ... stop worrying about what others think ... ESPECIALLY WOMEN,
if that be your major concern. Regardless of what people say/think, there are women out there that'll take you just
as YOU ARE. That will come, and when it does, you'll have no doubt about it being love. Tis a lonely path, but
I've traveled it, I'm still alive, and I have an outstanding and very intelligent woman. It's not about attitude,
it's about how you feel about you. Everything in life that's not physical, can pretty much be fixed with your
brain. That brain is a powerful tool ... use it!
Taking care of other people's kids is no easy task. I for one,
would help if I could, if I can't, so be it! If someone falls for you and they have 10 kids, believe you me, it
won't matter because that thing call LOVE pulls off miracles!
You can only be who you are, and if it's not
hurting people, accept it. If YOU FEEL, not think, it must be fixed, fix it, but for the love of doodoo ... don't
let other people/women mold your thinking! It's like people putting their happiness in other people's hands ...
GURANTEED DISAPPOINTMENT! Believe you me, you will be fine, and there are thousands, if not millions, that are
dealing with the same mental tag, that they have allowed society/some women to stamp on their foreheads. You moving
out before you're ready will only put in the same STRESSFUL situation that millions are in ... living to work, vice
working and living. You can join so many by hooking up with someone you're not in love with, to get out on your
own, but that just doesn't makes any sense to me ... but, millions do it. So many unhappy faces, but they have
their own place and someone to help them make it. Yuck!!
Keep ya head up, you're much better off than you
think! It's just gonna take you some time to see that ... there will be good days and bad days, but in the end ...
you'll find ... you did what was BEST for YOU.
Luv ya! Now, Luv yourself!
P.S. And if the
world doesn't like the way you're living ... f#ck'em! It AIN'T none of their business anywayS!!
Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!
InternationalPlayboy: My
heart goes out to you, especially your parents. You are a gem and will be blessed for your unselfishness. Your
parents must be proud that they raised such a giving son.
As I said previously, I would never let a man
living at home stop me from seeing the guy. I was more surprised at the double standards our society has placed on
men versus women living at home.
Also, I agree with MobleyC57... we need to learn to love ourselves first.
Thanks everyone for
the words of encouragement.
Believe me, I'm a lot better off than I was five or especially ten years ago. IOriginally Posted by culturalblonde
attribute it to a combination of self-hypnosis and "mind programming" CDs and daily meditation. That's one reason
I'm so interested in behavioral modification CDs. Ten years ago, I was reading a lot of self-help books. A question
on a date about my spirituality led to my discovery of Deepak, which led to Wayne Dyer, which led to my learning
meditation from Siva Baba, whom Dyer dedicated a book to under the name Sri
Guruji Pillai. I give most of the credit to Baba's meditations. I no longer read as much self-help as I did,
probably not even a book a year anymore. I still enjoy the "brainwashing" CDs though. I'm doing a lot better than I
was, but there are still down days, like most people have.
I wonder if the self-esteem issues are why I like
products like Chikara and Realm. They both make me feel better about myself and Chikara makes me feel more like a
"babe magnet" because I feel more attractive while wearing it and I seem to get a lot of friendly looks from women
with it.
I consider myself lucky that I can live with my parents while I pay off my debt. I have a shelter
over my head and I'm fed. Mom's cooking helps a lot with my ten hour work days (almost twelve if you count lunch
and the commute). If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be living on der Weinersnitzel and Taco Bell fast food. It's
not a complete free ride as I do pay some rent and all my other expenses.
Sometimes there's tension due to
the close quarters, but I'd rather be living with family than unhappy in a wrong relationship. Something that
almost happened once. About a month after the woman told me she'd ruin my life if I stayed around, like she did to
all her other men, she announced she was pregnant. Though we made out several times, something in the back of my
mind told me that sex would be dangerous. I'm sure glad I listened to my brain in my head instead of the one in my
groin.
In today's economy, there are so many families where both the husband and wife work just to live at
the same standard that people did in the 1960s and '70s. And there are a lot of young married couples with children
moving back to live with one of the sets of parents. My mom's brothers didn't live at home in the small town in
Nebraska where they're from. But they bought houses directly next door to the house they grew up in, where their
parents lived until they died.
International Playboy:
I
think what you are doing is wonderful. You earned my deepest respect for doing something that takes a great person
to even contemplate. In my eyes there is a difference between a man like you who lives with his parents for
altruistic reasons and some of the people who just do not want to deal with responsibility. You sound like a good
person. It will come back to you some time in some way.
Wood Elf
Here is a thought for you...In
1990-91 when the build up of troops was beginning in the Persian Gulf for the impending invasion of Iraq,I watched
video from the tarmac of a U.S. Airforce base of a group of Army Rangers boarding a cargo aircraft bound for the
Gulf.All the wives and mothers and fathers and children were there to see thier soldiers off...maybe for the last
time.The fairwells were polite,friendly,stoic and generaly unemotional.
Same day...on CNN was a video of Italian
paratroopers boarding a cargo aircraft bound also for the Gulf.These are,in all honesty...men of equal metal and
millitary prowess of the U.S. troops seen earlier.They are tough,diciplined and rugged individuals trained to jump
from aircraft into combat without a second thought for thier own safety.These brave men of honor and dicipline had
no problem weeping and crying openly...embracing thier mothers and fathers crying on thier shoulders.The fairwells
continued in this manner and some of the troops even broke ranks to run back to thier mothers and give them one last
hug befor going off to war.The difference was stunning.It became very clear to me that here in the U.S.,people have
a very different view of family and the connection that family should have.Sons here are expected to be independant
and solitary.Hunters,protectors,providers.And somehow,the idea of living at home is seen as contrary to that
goal.However,in my oppinion...that go-it-alone attitude robs us of a very important connection to our family and
ourselves.Our ego steals our sense of connection to the ones that realy are the most important people in our
lives.And it shouldnt be a problem for anyone to understand and respect that connection that we have to our
families...the same connection that they should have.As someone whos parents died when I was still a very young
man,I can tell you that the lack of connection to family realy isnt a sign of strength...
I've heard that Italian
single women are not happy with the situation in Italy wherein many single men (with good jobs and the means to
support themselves) continue to live at home with a "momma" who will still do all his cooking, cleaning, etc..
Now, please don't get me wrong, I know there are many situations where this is necessary. Were it not for
my brother, I might also have been living with my Mom who's 84 and can always use some help. There was also a
point in my life where I was so poor that I had to consider it but I got lucky.
There is a cure for electile dysfuntion!!!!
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