A GOOD FRIDAY, INDEED!!

[MOBLEYC57]

YAPPY YEESTER

everyone! Hoping that your weekend is safe and relaxing...I don\'t have to work today!!!!

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


YOU DAIL 9 FOR AN OUTSIDE LINE

A gentleman staying at the

Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box on Piccadilly. Back at the hotel

he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance. The gentleman

says, \"I\'d like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with

a pearl necklace. What do you think?\" The lady says, \"I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to

press 9 first to get an outside line.\"

IT\'S ALL IN THE HANDS

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign

hanging over the bar that reads, \"Cheese sandwich: $1.50; Chicken sandwich: $2.50; Hand-job: $10.\" Checking his

wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.

\"Yes?\" she inquires with a knowing smile. \"Can I help you, Sir?\" \"I was wondering,\" whispers the man.

\"Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?\" \"Yes Sir,\" she purrs. \"Indeed I am, and I’m the better of the

three.\" The man replies, \"Well, wash your fu#king hands! I want a cheese sandwich!\"

SPEAKING WITH A FORKED

TONGUE

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she

discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, \"What happened to the

other five condoms?\" His nervous reply was, \"Er, I masturbated with them.\" Later, she then approached her male

confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, \"Have you ever done that?\" \"Yeah, once or twice,\"

he told her.

\"You mean you\'ve actually masturbated with a condom before?\" she asked. \"Oh,\" he said,

\"I thought you were really asking if I\'d ever lied to my girlfriend.\"

WHATEVER WORKS!

A woman has had

serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors and nothing has worked until

one day she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend \"works

wonders on anything.\" The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, \"remember those headaches I

have been having all of these years? Well, they are gone.\" \"No more headaches?!?\" the husband asks, \"What

happened?\" His wife replies, \"Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare

at myself and repeat \'I do not have a headache, I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache.\" Believe it

or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone.\" The husband replies, \"Well, that is wonderful.\" His wife then

says, \"You know, you haven\'t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last several years. Why don\'t

you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?\" The husband is unsure he wants to do that, but

agrees to try it. Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks

up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He rips off her clothes, puts her on the bed and says, \"Don\'t

move. I\'ll be right back.\" He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps on the bed

and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, \"Boy that was wonderful!\" The husband

says, \"Don\'t move! I will be right back\". He goes back into the bathroom, comes back a few minutes later for

round 2 with his wife--even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. \"Oh my! This is

really great!\" Her husband again says, \"Don\'t move, I\'ll be right back.\" With that he goes back in the

bathroom. This time his wife follows and sees him through the open crack in the door standing at the mirror and

saying, \"She\'s not my wife. She\'s not my wife. She\'s NOT my wife!


BUMPER STICKER MADNESS:

DON’T

STEAL....The Government hates competition

HORN BROKEN....Watch for finger

KEEP HONKING....I’m

reloading

Milk sucks! Got beer?

Can’t feed’em? Don’t breed’em!

I’m hung like Einstein and smart as a

horse!

I’m not an alcoholic! I’m a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings!

Politicians and diapers need to be

changed for the same reason

Gun control means using BOTH hands

Save a cow...eat a vegetarian

Earth

first...we’ll screw up the other planets later

My CHILD was Inmate of the Month at County Jail

CAUTION! I can

go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds

WORK HARDER....Millions on Welfare are depend on you!

DON’T HONK...Driver

trying to sleep

If I wanted to hear from an as$hole...I’D FART

CAT...the other white meat!

SPEAKING OF

CATS....A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering

machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab

company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat

they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don\'t want the cat shut in the house because

\"she\" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.

The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn\'t want the driver to know the house will be empty.

She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.\" He\'s just going upstairs to say goodbye to

my mother.\" A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. \"Sorry I took so long,\" he says, as they drive

away. \"Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I

had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, butut it worked. I hauled her fat as$ downstairs, and

threw her AS$ out into the back yard!\" The cabdriver runs into the back of a parked car.....


Gotta kitty I

can borrow? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[EXIT63]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Can’t feed’em? Don’t breed’em!


<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\"> [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Gossamer_2701]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[DZorro]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
YAPPY YEESTER everyone! Hoping that your weekend

is safe and relaxing...I don\'t have to work today!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


YOU

DAIL 9 FOR AN OUTSIDE LINE

A gentleman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual

services from a telephone box on Piccadilly. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice

answers and asks if she can be of assistance. The gentleman says, \"I\'d like a blow job, some missionary work, a

little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a pearl necklace. What do you think?\" The lady says,

\"I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line.\"

IT\'S ALL

IN THE HANDS

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, \"Cheese sandwich: $1.50;

Chicken sandwich: $2.50; Hand-job: $10.\" Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the

bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses. \"Yes?\" she inquires with a knowing smile. \"Can I help you,

Sir?\" \"I was wondering,\" whispers the man. \"Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?\" \"Yes Sir,\" she

purrs. \"Indeed I am, and I’m the better of the three.\" The man replies, \"Well, wash your fu#king hands! I want

a cheese sandwich!\"

SPEAKING WITH A FORKED TONGUE

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the

wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so

she asked him, \"What happened to the other five condoms?\" His nervous reply was, \"Er, I masturbated with

them.\" Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, \"Have you

ever done that?\" \"Yeah, once or twice,\" he told her.

\"You mean you\'ve actually masturbated with a

condom before?\" she asked. \"Oh,\" he said, \"I thought you were really asking if I\'d ever lied to my

girlfriend.\"

WHATEVER WORKS!

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything;

been to several doctors and nothing has worked until one day she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to

a hypnotist who, according to her friend \"works wonders on anything.\" The woman comes home from the hypnotist

and tells her husband, \"remember those headaches I have been having all of these years? Well, they are gone.\"

\"No more headaches?!?\" the husband asks, \"What happened?\" His wife replies, \"Margie referred me to a

hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat \'I do not have a headache, I DO

NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache.\" Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone.\" The

husband replies, \"Well, that is wonderful.\" His wife then says, \"You know, you haven\'t been exactly a ball

of fire in the bedroom these last several years. Why don\'t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything

for that?\" The husband is unsure he wants to do that, but agrees to try it. Following his appointment with the

hypnotist, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He rips

off her clothes, puts her on the bed and says, \"Don\'t move. I\'ll be right back.\" He goes into the bathroom

and comes back a few minutes later and jumps on the bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His

wife says, \"Boy that was wonderful!\" The husband says, \"Don\'t move! I will be right back\". He goes back

into the bathroom, comes back a few minutes later for round 2 with his wife--even better than the first time. The

wife sits up and her head is spinning. \"Oh my! This is really great!\" Her husband again says, \"Don\'t move,

I\'ll be right back.\" With that he goes back in the bathroom. This time his wife follows and sees him through

the open crack in the door standing at the mirror and saying, \"She\'s not my wife. She\'s not my wife.

She\'s NOT my wife!


BUMPER STICKER MADNESS:

DON’T STEAL....The Government hates competition

HORN

BROKEN....Watch for finger

KEEP HONKING....I’m reloading

Milk sucks! Got beer?

Can’t feed’em? Don’t

breed’em!

I’m hung like Einstein and smart as a horse!

I’m not an alcoholic! I’m a drunk! Alcoholics go to

meetings!

Politicians and diapers need to be changed for the same reason

Gun control means using BOTH

hands

Save a cow...eat a vegetarian

Earth first...we’ll screw up the other planets later

My CHILD was

Inmate of the Month at County Jail

CAUTION! I can go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds

WORK HARDER....Millions on

Welfare are depend on you!

DON’T HONK...Driver trying to sleep

If I wanted to hear from an as$hole...I’D

FART

CAT...the other white meat!

SPEAKING OF CATS....A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.

They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the

cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened

the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They

don\'t want the cat shut in the house because \"she\" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the

taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife

doesn\'t want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be

out soon.\" He\'s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.\" A few minutes later, the husband gets into

the cab. \"Sorry I took so long,\" he says, as they drive away. \"Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed. Had to

poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching

me, butut it worked. I hauled her fat as$ downstairs, and threw her AS$ out into the back yard!\" The cabdriver

runs into the back of a parked car.....


Gotta kitty I can borrow?

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">




[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]


DZorro,