Originally Posted by
Pancho1188
McWhat?
By Pancho Rivera
I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.
To give a little
background on my story, I eat relatively healthy, although I need to eat more than most people to keep my weight up
for the amount of exercise I do. I have cereal for breakfast, many times Total for the 100% of vitamins and
minerals. I pack my lunch with a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and small but adequate dessert of cookies or wafers.
I balance my dinner with grains, meat and veggies to go with the dairy, fruit, and other things I had throughout the
day. I eat well. I exercise 5 days per week.
This might mean absolutely nothing to people watching a
possible documentary.
I didn't pack my lunch for the week on Sunday, so I usually get lazy and just buy for
most of the week. I was feeling a little guilty about the $$$ I was spending, so I decided to try to think of the
best deal. Subway? ABP? Chipotle? Hmmm...McDonald's? I haven't been there in a couple of months...I can buy
off the dollar menu and save some money. It's a few blocks, so I can take a walk in the balmy 90+ degree weather
we're having. Sounds good.
I walk over. I don't like this McDonald's because there's always a guy
workin' the door like a bouncer...only trying to get money. Do I need this kind of stuff when I'm walking into
McDonald's? Why does this guy think I'm going into McDonald's...because the food's great? Hell, no. It's
cheap. I'm trying to save money...if I were to go to McDonald's and give the difference up, I'd be
defeating the purpose of even going here. I don't mean to sound frustrated with beggars, I'm just frustrated in
general.
I check my order to find the cheapest possible option. The Dollar Menu. What do they have? I
want to feel full, so let's mix it up. Double cheeseburger. McChicken. McValue Fries ("McValue Fries"??? What
the---I mean, why don't you just call it, "You're a cheap bastard, so here's the smallest possible size we
offer"). Side Salad. Good combo. I'll go with that.
$4.40 is my total bill. That's not bad...my usual
bill buying lunch is ~$6-$7...and these are all without buying beverages because I drink water...and seriously, I'm
not paying $2 for ice...but my frugle nature isn't the point of this story...sad as it is... Packing my lunch
probably comes to around $3.00 or so, so if you count the time it takes to make it and buy the stuff and everything,
it's almost even.
(Per meal: lunch meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not
sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or $.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers,
etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)
Yeah, I'm a
little crazy about prices. I'm the guy who goes 60% generic brand and 40% "whatever's on sale".
But I
digress...
I walk out with my meal. I was going to give the guy at the door a dime, but two girls were
walking by and his attention was on them...so I keep walking. Then, a camera crew accosts me about a 30-second
interview regarding nutrition. Awesome! I'm so excited because I'm all about nutrition and health and exercise.
I can actually give intelligent feedback on the subject.
Unfortunately, I realize that they are there to
catch people walking out of McDonald's. They don't give a crap about me, they want to show how dumb people are to
go and eat all of that fattening crap without regard to their health. I am suddenly remembering every street quiz
I've ever seen trying to make people look stupid.
I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.
They ask me if I know anything about the food pyramid. I give an answer like I was reading a textbook. I know
about the "little fats", the 2-3 milk and meat, the 4-6 fruit and veggies, the 9-11 grains (yeah, they might've
changed it since I was in HS, but that's the way it was "back in the day"). They ask me about my nutritional
values. I try to express what I wrote in the first paragraph, but I am very disoriented by the camera and the
on-the-spot feeling I have...and then it happens. As I'm talking, the camera man moves from my face, down to the
McDonald's bag, and back to my face. I'm in a trap. F*ck.
I suddenly have a vision of the end result of
this. I see myself through the camera. I see the documentary now. American's don't know jack or don't care
about what they're eating, by some guy trying to spite fast food chains. Not that I disagree with their
stance, but I am becoming a pawn in the war on unhealthy food. I see them talking about how Americans eat
unhealthy...I see them talking about people who say they eat healthy and know about health but eat bad food anyway.
I see my face reciting the food pyramid and how I eat healthy while the camera "innocently" moves just to show that
I'm preaching health with a McDonald's bag in my hand. Yes, it is a beautiful documentary piece...and I look like
a dumb, ignorant American. I'm in a catch-22. I either look like an unhealthy, ignorant freak or an intelligent
person who doesn't practice what he preaches. They have me. Damn them all to hell. I switch from realistic
vision to the unrealistic one of me taking out the camera man by punching him so hard that he doesn't know what his
name is...
...but I must remain focused. It's time for "Damage Control". I won't only look like an
idiot, but I'll try to paint a better picture of myself and hope they don't edit it out to the only one part where
I say I eat healthy and know the food pyramid off by heart but am holding a McDonald's bag in my hand. I should
just pull out the side salad I ordered and show them what I actually bought. Anyone who sees those bags...yes,
bags, I needed two because side salads always get their own bags...will see a Big Mac and Super-Sized Fries
with enough calories to replace Jared's hundreds of pounds from the Subway diet.
I list what I can about
what I eat. I notice I say, "ummm..." a lot because I can't think of the right words. Damn my introverted self
that I lose my verbal prowess on-the-spot compared to when I write or have time to think...I talk about my
Total and a banana for breakfast...my balanced dinner...the fact that I came here because it's cheap. I
should've made a stand by saying that if they came out with "Healthy Fast Food" where you could get a fruit cup,
veggies and fat-free dip, and a sandwich for $4, I'd eat that every day.
The interview ended by asking me
how important a healthy diet was. I am smarter than they're trying to make me look with my McDonald's bag in my
hand. Who is this guy to try to get people to judge me, anyway? This guy has me by about 60 lbs. of...well, we'll
just say that it wasn't muscle. I can tell he hasn't seen the gym in a while. That's it...
"Well, a
healthy diet isn't the only part you should be focusing on. You need to mix diet and exercise to really be a
healthy person. I work out 5 days a week."
Yeah, stick it to the man, b!tch. If any part that makes me
look intelligent stays in that interview, I can guarantee you that it will be that. I may be proving their point
that people need diet and exercise in their lives while avoiding crap like McDonald's. Well, at least this wasn't
a total hit to my pride.
The interview is over. The lady there thanks me a lot for a great interview. They
all thought it was good, apparently.
"You had to catch me the one day I go to McDonald's," I
said...
"Oh, that's okay..." she said.
Yeah, it's okay so you'll make me look like an idiot. I
walk away, running the slug in the face again through my mind to get my mind off of the potential bad ways they
could edit that to make me look dumb. I noticed that I never even asked them what it was for or anything...
I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.
I just hope I'm wrong...but I still want to break
that camera man's face.
Look for me in the upcoming documentary, The Stupid People who Think They Know
about Health but Eat at McDonald's...
PR
Bookmarks