Memoirs of the Incredibly Stupid

[bjf]

Steve:

I don\'t agree with the nothing to lose thing because some people will inevitably end up \"feeling

bad.\" Those who can avoid this have adequete confidence to do so or have learned not to take rejection

personally.

The other thing that one has to lose is their fantasy of them and that person. By not

asking someone out and getting a definitive answer, that fantasy gets to stay alive. Ask them out and you risk

erasing that fantasy. You can\'t dream about something you know can\'t come true. This is one of the big

reasons why people may not take chances or even feel bad after rejection - because the fantasy is gone.

I\'m

not advocating nor judging any of this stuff. Just highlighting on some very real things that happen to people.

Some people have something to lose. In my opinion, the loses don\'t outway the gains.

[Icarus]

dude, what\'s a fantasy worth?

If we\'re talking quality weighting (gains vs. losses) I still can\'t

fathom how the loss of a (i\'ll call it destructive, though I\'m aware that I sound somewhat harsh when I do so)

fantasy surrounding an \'unattainable\' as they become in your head regardless if they actually reject you in

real life, or the loss of your personal \'feel-good\' factor for a day (or even a week) could possibly compare

to living your life. For every 50 times that it\'s as sh&t as it can possibly be (or however you feel after

you put your heart on the line and get it trampled) that 1 time that it works out gives you more than all the

fetishistic fantasies of unrequited love you could collect in your days upon this planet.

But maybe that is

just me? I\'m currently riding the most beautiful wave of my life, merely around the fact that I saw

opportunities present themselves, so I put myself in the firing line. I\'d gladly be shot to tatters and cast out

to sea X10 the pains I\'ve already suffered just for the opportunity to live the way I\'m living now.

My

career (both academic and literal) is taking me away from the woman of my dreams (albeit, not forever) and I almost

made the mistake of \'living for the fantasy\' and I broke up with her - justifying it to myself that it was for

the best. I have since salvaged aforementioned wrong and put myself back on the line. In the name of living an

authentic life.

I\'m feeling trite now, so I\'ll be trite. Listen to WARNING by Incubus (on the album

\'Morning View\')

Not what changed my life, but expresses this view in very nice terms. Good chune,

too.

Steve

[Holmes]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
\"Actually, I\'m probably just going to go

home.\"

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I\'ve used that one a few times. Hope \"she\"

wasn\'t using it for the same reason. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]



Holmes

[bjf]

Steve:

I don\'t disagree with anything your saying. I\'m also not trying to put a value on fantasies either

way just as I am not saying you\'ll only feel bad for a week or you\'ll feel bad for ever.

Just

pointing out why some people ultimately feel they have made a mistake by going after what they wanted, only to get

rejected. Hopefully Pancho will get to the point where this no longer happens to him. Even if he can\'t,

that\'s okay. Risk and reward usually go hand-and-hand.

[CptKipling]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
I\'m feeling trite now, so I\'ll be trite.

Listen to WARNING by Incubus (on the album \'Morning View\')

Not what changed my life, but expresses this

view in very nice terms. Good chune, too.

Steve

<hr /></blockquote><font

class=\"post\">
--------------------------------------------------------------
Warning

Bat your eyes girl
Be

otherworldly
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What\'s so wrong with being happy
Kudos to those who see

through sickness

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a

warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it\'s made

illegal
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to see it all fall down

Those left standing will

make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life

had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic

jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil
No one flinches
We all float face

down

When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a

warning
Don\'t ever let life pass you by

--------------------------------------------------------------



[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[xxxPantero]

Pancho

1.) Your writing is [censored] amazing. Clear and honest, and I can put myself in your shoes. Publish a

diary, write a [censored] book. You\'d be great.

2.) [censored] \'em. Either they\'re interested or not,

big deal. Sometimes it develops over time, sometimes it\'s instant, sometimes it never happens. Just take it as it

goes.

3.) I\'ve been rejected by far more women than I\'ve actually picked up. So what? Edison failed about

some 100 times before he succeeded at inventing the light bulb. Big fuckin\' deal! [censored], at least you\'re

out there, doing something about your situation. Oh well, one of your coworkers doesn\'t dig you a certain way.

There are billions of other women out there, half of which will be more interested in you than you are in

them.

4.) I could give you a 2-page reading list, a big load of advice, quote David DeAngelo, Ross Jerries and

others, but [censored] it - from what I\'ve seen, I like who you already ARE. Don\'t change because some woman

isn\'t into you. She has her own reasons. If you want some basic understanding of this crap, the simplest and

cheapest and least extreme thing I could think of you to get is:

THIS. Every other \"Seduction Guide\" or crap like that is

like a Bible, with their \"this way is the only way\" mentality - even the ones I like. But this one\'s nice,

short, and to-the-point. Looks like a scam, but is nice and returnable if you don\'t like it.

By the way,

that\'s the only good thing I\'ve seen on that site, everything else was, in my not-so-humble-opinion, crap. The

pheromones had a nice musk smell, but don\'t compare to Bruce\'s products or service. So don\'t waste your

money on anything else.

[Icarus]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Man is the hunter; woman the game

<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

you gotta be kidding me.

[xxxPantero]

No, I\'m not.

[Icarus]

I

mean, you can\'t seriously believe that reflects reality?

[xxxPantero]

It\'s part of a poem, Icarus.
It\'s also congruent with my personality.

You can tell me all about females

being the ones that \"choose\" their mate, while the male is just looking to copulate. I don\'t care. I like the

quote, and it is how I feel sometimes.

What\'s your version of reality?

[Icarus]

I

believe the quote is \'Women is his Game\', but regardless:

I am not questioning your views, merely wondering

why you would choose it as your signature.

Taken out of the context of the poem it seems to devalue women.

[xxxPantero]

Is it now? I must have copied it down wrong.

I chose it as my signature because I like it. I don\'t see it as

devaluing women, or even that strong a quote, Why does it bother you that much?

[Icarus]

Long

answer short?

meh.

Steve

[xxxPantero]

lol, [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] whatever

[Bottle]

I

think...

&gt;Ding! Dong! the Witch is Dead

[Pancho1188]

The Daily Grind

By Pancho Rivera

\"I don\'t see nothin\' wrong...with a little bump and

grind...\" --- R. Kelly

Pheromones: A few drops of TE and a couple of inches of SOE.


It\'s another normal

morning of a normal day in a normal month of a normal year. I\'m just off to the daily grind...or am

I?

It\'s crowded on the bus, and I have to stand. I don\'t really mind, seeing as I sit all day at work.

I\'m checking out the people, as always, seeing the new and old faces...apparently, I\'m in a different

timeframe than usual because all the faces seem relatively new. I must be a few minutes late. People get up and

off, and I have to do my little dance to let people through with my gym bag that takes up more space than I

do...

A seat opens up. Nobody looks at it, and nobody who seems to need a seat more than I do is in my direct

vicinity. I wait a few more seconds and take the seat since nobody claimed it. I want to read this book I\'ve

been captivated by for days now. The bus lets a few more people on, and \"standing room only\" takes into effect,

leaving a bunch of people standing crunched together. I wonder how much they love having their personal space

indruded upon like that.

Speaking of personal space...

This lady stops in front of me and turns to the side

facing me. I almost don\'t even notice as this is happening because I\'m sucked into my book, but then things

start to get weird. Someone is trying to get off the bus, so the lady leans to my side and brushes up against

me.

\"No big deal,\" I think. \"It\'s nice to give someone space to get off.\"

Speaking about giving

someone space to get off...

The woman doesn\'t move back when the person exits. She\'s about a half an inch

from me, and she has plenty of room on the other side to move back. The bus starts forward, and the little shake

pushes her up against me and back again.

The bus is a bumpy ride down this rough road covered with steel plates

at areas...

Bump, bump, bump...

More and more...

At first it\'s a brush, but it becomes more of a

press...

I stop reading my book. I look slightly to the left, not trying to show any unpleasant reaction or stir

any unpleasant reaction. Her leg is bumping into my arm, and then her crotch starts bumping into my

shoulder...

What the hell?!?!?

I freeze to think this over. There is a girl rubbing up against me on a

bus...what are my options.

1. Look up and smile to show that I don\'t mind one bit.
2. Pretend I\'m still

paying attention to my book but show no signs whatsoever of pulling away.

I think about what would happen if I

look up. This is a dangerous situation. If I look up and give even the slightest hint that I\'m wondering what

the hell she\'s doing, she\'ll back off and this interesting moment will be over...or I could give the right

signal and something good will happen. I think about how many times the latter has ever happened in my entire

life.

As I\'m processing this, the bus continues its bumpiness. She\'s rubbing up against me, and my whole

body is going nuts. I suddenly remember how long it\'s been since I\'ve actually had physical contact other

than the handshake, pat on the back, and the like in a loooooooooooooong time...let alone intimate contact of this

nature. I also remember how long it\'s been since I\'ve felt any sort of sexual gratification...in any

manner...let\'s just say it\'s been too long...

It\'s nice to have physical contact with people. Society

today prevents such things and leaves many people starved of that important kind of communication. A lot of the

healing power of massages are simply in the basis of the power of human-to-human, skin-to-skin contact...

Anyway,

I try to go back to reading. I notice that I\'ve read the same three lines about six times now. Seven. Oh,

hell, I\'m not going to be able to process any information like this.

Bump, bump, bump...even between bumps I

can feel the presence of closeness, like when you play the game of \"Not touching (Pancho)\" and run your fingers

over someone without actually touching them but they can still feel it...

The bus makes a turn...this contact

lasts a good five seconds.

I\'m dying over here, but in a good way. I jokingly think about how funny it would

be if I tried to play the game and leaned to her side to get more contact when she shifted.

I think how this

could all be a coincidence. I mean, just because I\'m a raging lump of hormones that can literally feel his skin

releasing pheromones from this event...well, it certainly doesn\'t mean that she knows what\'s going on. This

could all be in my head.

The next stop leaves the bus a little emptier in the back and a little fuller in the

front...this obviously means that the people have to shift back. I figured that this was it. Oh, well, it was nice

while it lasted. I look up to see it happening.

\"Go ahead around me.\"

What?!?!?! She just told the

people in front of her to move around her...she won\'t leave this spot.



[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Okay, this can\'t all be a coincidence. Maybe I\'m John

Nash and my \"Beautiful Mind\" can find ways to connect everything, but this is just too much for even me to

believe.

Bump, bump, bump...

I\'m really enjoying this. I don\'t know if the pheromones are making her

unconsciously do this or what, but I obviously don\'t care at this point in time.

My earlier joking thought

turns to seriousness as I process this information. I start to lean my head over. I\'m only human, you

know...

I slowly make my way to seem like I\'m unconsciously starting to lean to the left...I think you can

guess what \"accidental\" contact I was looking for with that motion...

She looks around. Her stop is next.

She moves to the back of the bus and gets off. Nuts.

For all I know, she was getting off the whole time she was

on the bus...hey, you don\'t see me complaining...

PR

[Gossamer_2701]

P... A... N... C... H...

O..........................


Hey P... A...N... C... H... O....................



We're

waiting..........

[Pancho1188]

The

Instant Messenger Phase

By Pancho Rivera

I used to be an Instant Messenger guru.

Oh, I was a

suave one, alright. I was the man in my day. I've got an 'Instant Messenger personality', you could say. I

used to wish the world consisted of people walking around typing on little IM windows...and that's how we'd

communicate. I'd rule that world.

I've seduced a few women through Instant Messenger. The beautiful thing

about Instant Messenger is that...well, there are so many great things for a guy like me. I can think of exactly

how to word what I want to say. I can 'speak' perfectly. I am "in the zone". I can entertain for hours. I know

that the person on the other end of that IM screen is bored. That, of course, is what Instant Messenger was

designed for. Oh, yeah, like the phone, mail, and e-mail, it helps you to communicate and transact information

quickly...but let's get real.

Instant Messenger was made for spoiled (I use the term as if I were an elderly

man looking back on today's "automated" society) teenagers (+or- 6 years) who are bored. Nobody who had something

better to do would be sitting on Instant Messenger. Honestly...the minute something good would come up, you'd see

"gtg bye" pop up on the screen, and that'd be it.

Anyway, this was my specialty. People on Instant Messenger

want to chat with you. People on Instant Messenger judge you by personality, not looks. This has got

to be the greatest thing ever. The only thing that used to worry me back in the day when talking to people was that

I was bothering them. When you try to talk to someone at a party, on the street, at a restaurant, etc., they're

always doing those important things that keep them away from Instant Messenger. They're busy. They don't

want to be bothered, and if they do, I couldn't tell the difference.

Instant Messenger makes this obvious. "I

want to talk. I am bored. Please, some hot person talk to me."

Oh, I was the man in my day. I'd start up

conversations with girls relatively close to me just trying to meet someone nice I could talk to. Yeah, it was a

lonely time. I needed someone. The wonders of technology gave me exactly what I needed. I'd keep girls

enthralled with my witty banter and quick humor...I've conducted entire conversations by IMing movie sound clips

from my computer.

"Hello, hello," says Austin Powers...
"Hasta la vista, baby!" says the Terminator.
"I would

like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body," says George Costanza...

Oh, I had skills...

I've done some wild stuff over the Internet. Apparently, I'm a helluva romance writer... Now, I'm not

about to go into details with that, but let's just say that I don't argue, "Women like fantasy" without personal

experience to back it up...

I've even gotten girlfriends thanks to Instant Messenger. I've also gained

and lost friends. I recall the time that my friend's friend was screwing around on his computer while he was

primping, and I got to be flirty through Instant Messenger when she told me that he said she should say hi to me.

Now, I couldn't see myself doing that in person at the time...but good ol' Instant Messenger got me in the door,

and a scheduled time to hang out let me transition IM flirting to real-life sexual tension that I capitalized on

with moves that got me rounding the bases in no time.

I've had a letdown or two along the way. For instance,

the above relationship destroyed my friendship with the guy. As most people know, I'm an honest person, but not

everyone is like that, of course. I've been lied to and messed with, but I've also had a few one-night stands and

made a few friends along the way. I've had a lot of women fall for me, and you may make your own judgments as to

whether you believe such a thing is possible.

Let me add that the screenname "Pancho1188" is actually in the

Virginia state court system somewhere for one of my antics...that story is too long to post now and has a tragic

ending to it, actually...that was the turning point to my reign as super-awesome IM guy to the women of the world.

Although it wasn't my fault and I wasn't directly involved, someone was harmed...you wouldn't believe me if I

said the extent...because of me...and so Pancho hung up his screenname and called it quits with the IM world outside

of people he knew...

Yes, it was a good time and a bad time. I was addicted to IM, I flirted with so many girls

you'd think I wasn't the quirky, awkward guy I seem to present myself on here as my interaction with the opposite

sex.

I can't remember the last time I was on Instant Messenger. It seems like forever, and I don't feel a

need to go back. Apparently, I found a new place to vent my antics...

PR


This

post is dedicated to the construction of the new forum.

[Gossamer_2701]

Now that's what I'm

talk'in bout


I laughed .... I cried....

Great post Pancho!!!

[franki]

Yeah, don't take IM too serious..

[Pancho1188]

McWhat?

By Pancho

Rivera

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

To give a little background on my story, I

eat relatively healthy, although I need to eat more than most people to keep my weight up for the amount of exercise

I do. I have cereal for breakfast, many times Total for the 100% of vitamins and minerals. I pack my lunch

with a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and small but adequate dessert of cookies or wafers. I balance my dinner with

grains, meat and veggies to go with the dairy, fruit, and other things I had throughout the day. I eat well. I

exercise 5 days per week.

This might mean absolutely nothing to people watching a possible documentary.

I

didn't pack my lunch for the week on Sunday, so I usually get lazy and just buy for most of the week. I was

feeling a little guilty about the $$$ I was spending, so I decided to try to think of the best deal. Subway? ABP?

Chipotle? Hmmm...McDonald's? I haven't been there in a couple of months...I can buy off the dollar menu and save

some money. It's a few blocks, so I can take a walk in the balmy 90+ degree weather we're having. Sounds good.



I walk over. I don't like this McDonald's because there's always a guy workin' the door like a bouncer...only

trying to get money. Do I need this kind of stuff when I'm walking into McDonald's? Why does this guy think I'm

going into McDonald's...because the food's great? Hell, no. It's cheap. I'm trying to save money...if

I were to go to McDonald's and give the difference up, I'd be defeating the purpose of even going here. I don't

mean to sound frustrated with beggars, I'm just frustrated in general.

I check my order to find the cheapest

possible option. The Dollar Menu. What do they have? I want to feel full, so let's mix it up. Double

cheeseburger. McChicken. McValue Fries ("McValue Fries"??? What the---I mean, why don't you just call it,

"You're a cheap bastard, so here's the smallest possible size we offer"). Side Salad. Good combo. I'll go with

that.

$4.40 is my total bill. That's not bad...my usual bill buying lunch is ~$6-$7...and these are all

without buying beverages because I drink water...and seriously, I'm not paying $2 for ice...but my frugle nature

isn't the point of this story...sad as it is... Packing my lunch probably comes to around $3.00 or so, so if you

count the time it takes to make it and buy the stuff and everything, it's almost even.

(Per meal: lunch

meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or

$.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers, etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or

take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)

Yeah, I'm a little crazy about prices. I'm the guy who

goes 60% generic brand and 40% "whatever's on sale".

But I digress...

I walk out with my meal. I was going

to give the guy at the door a dime, but two girls were walking by and his attention was on them...so I keep walking.

Then, a camera crew accosts me about a 30-second interview regarding nutrition. Awesome! I'm so excited because

I'm all about nutrition and health and exercise. I can actually give intelligent feedback on the subject.



Unfortunately, I realize that they are there to catch people walking out of McDonald's. They don't give a crap

about me, they want to show how dumb people are to go and eat all of that fattening crap without regard to their

health. I am suddenly remembering every street quiz I've ever seen trying to make people look stupid.

I hate

when people try to make me look like a tool.

They ask me if I know anything about the food pyramid. I give an

answer like I was reading a textbook. I know about the "little fats", the 2-3 milk and meat, the 4-6 fruit and

veggies, the 9-11 grains (yeah, they might've changed it since I was in HS, but that's the way it was "back in the

day"). They ask me about my nutritional values. I try to express what I wrote in the first paragraph, but I am

very disoriented by the camera and the on-the-spot feeling I have...and then it happens. As I'm talking, the

camera man moves from my face, down to the McDonald's bag, and back to my face. I'm in a trap. F*ck.

I

suddenly have a vision of the end result of this. I see myself through the camera. I see the documentary now.

American's don't know jack or don't care about what they're eating, by some guy trying to spite fast food

chains. Not that I disagree with their stance, but I am becoming a pawn in the war on unhealthy food. I see them

talking about how Americans eat unhealthy...I see them talking about people who say they eat healthy and know about

health but eat bad food anyway. I see my face reciting the food pyramid and how I eat healthy while the camera

"innocently" moves just to show that I'm preaching health with a McDonald's bag in my hand. Yes, it is a

beautiful documentary piece...and I look like a dumb, ignorant American. I'm in a catch-22. I either look like an

unhealthy, ignorant freak or an intelligent person who doesn't practice what he preaches. They have me. Damn them

all to hell. I switch from realistic vision to the unrealistic one of me taking out the camera man by punching him

so hard that he doesn't know what his name is...

...but I must remain focused. It's time for "Damage

Control". I won't only look like an idiot, but I'll try to paint a better picture of myself and hope they don't

edit it out to the only one part where I say I eat healthy and know the food pyramid off by heart but am holding a

McDonald's bag in my hand. I should just pull out the side salad I ordered and show them what I actually bought.

Anyone who sees those bags...yes, bags, I needed two because side salads always get their own bags...will see

a Big Mac and Super-Sized Fries with enough calories to replace Jared's hundreds of pounds from the Subway diet.



I list what I can about what I eat. I notice I say, "ummm..." a lot because I can't think of the right words.

Damn my introverted self that I lose my verbal prowess on-the-spot compared to when I write or have time to

think...I talk about my Total and a banana for breakfast...my balanced dinner...the fact that I came here

because it's cheap. I should've made a stand by saying that if they came out with "Healthy Fast Food" where you

could get a fruit cup, veggies and fat-free dip, and a sandwich for $4, I'd eat that every day.

The interview

ended by asking me how important a healthy diet was. I am smarter than they're trying to make me look with my

McDonald's bag in my hand. Who is this guy to try to get people to judge me, anyway? This guy has me by about 60

lbs. of...well, we'll just say that it wasn't muscle. I can tell he hasn't seen the gym in a while. That's

it...

"Well, a healthy diet isn't the only part you should be focusing on. You need to mix diet and exercise

to really be a healthy person. I work out 5 days a week."

Yeah, stick it to the man, b!tch. If any part that

makes me look intelligent stays in that interview, I can guarantee you that it will be that. I may be proving their

point that people need diet and exercise in their lives while avoiding crap like McDonald's. Well, at least this

wasn't a total hit to my pride.

The interview is over. The lady there thanks me a lot for a great interview.

They all thought it was good, apparently.

"You had to catch me the one day I go to McDonald's," I

said...

"Oh, that's okay..." she said.

Yeah, it's okay so you'll make me look like an idiot. I walk

away, running the slug in the face again through my mind to get my mind off of the potential bad ways they could

edit that to make me look dumb. I noticed that I never even asked them what it was for or anything...

I hate

when people try to make me look like a tool.

I just hope I'm wrong...but I still want to break that camera

man's face.

Look for me in the upcoming documentary, The Stupid People who Think They Know about Health but

Eat at McDonald's...

PR

[franki]

See it like this: slim people can

afford to go to McD's.

[nonscents]

The McD's piece was too good!

It's so far out it must be true.

[Elana]

(Per meal: lunch

meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or

$.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers, etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or

take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)

What are you, six years old?
Wafer cookies

and a fruit cup?

[KittyClair]

What are you, six

years old?
Wafer cookies and a fruit cup?

WTF is a fruit cup, ...is that like

for lazy people who cant peel their own fruit? I dont even notice stuff like that when I shop, my mind dosnt

register useless things.

[Elana]

It's a little treat for kids


Fruit salad in a cute little plastic cup

[Sexyredhead]

I happen to like fruit cups!

Especially the little pineapple tidbit ones.


(Pineapple is another thing that doesn't mix well with

latex paint. )

[KittyClair]

McWhat?



By Pancho Rivera

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

To give a little

background on my story, I eat relatively healthy, although I need to eat more than most people to keep my weight up

for the amount of exercise I do. I have cereal for breakfast, many times Total for the 100% of vitamins and

minerals. I pack my lunch with a sandwich, salad, fruit cup, and small but adequate dessert of cookies or wafers.

I balance my dinner with grains, meat and veggies to go with the dairy, fruit, and other things I had throughout the

day. I eat well. I exercise 5 days per week.

This might mean absolutely nothing to people watching a

possible documentary.

I didn't pack my lunch for the week on Sunday, so I usually get lazy and just buy for

most of the week. I was feeling a little guilty about the $$$ I was spending, so I decided to try to think of the

best deal. Subway? ABP? Chipotle? Hmmm...McDonald's? I haven't been there in a couple of months...I can buy

off the dollar menu and save some money. It's a few blocks, so I can take a walk in the balmy 90+ degree weather

we're having. Sounds good.

I walk over. I don't like this McDonald's because there's always a guy

workin' the door like a bouncer...only trying to get money. Do I need this kind of stuff when I'm walking into

McDonald's? Why does this guy think I'm going into McDonald's...because the food's great? Hell, no. It's

cheap. I'm trying to save money...if I were to go to McDonald's and give the difference up, I'd be

defeating the purpose of even going here. I don't mean to sound frustrated with beggars, I'm just frustrated in

general.

I check my order to find the cheapest possible option. The Dollar Menu. What do they have? I

want to feel full, so let's mix it up. Double cheeseburger. McChicken. McValue Fries ("McValue Fries"??? What

the---I mean, why don't you just call it, "You're a cheap bastard, so here's the smallest possible size we

offer"). Side Salad. Good combo. I'll go with that.

$4.40 is my total bill. That's not bad...my usual

bill buying lunch is ~$6-$7...and these are all without buying beverages because I drink water...and seriously, I'm

not paying $2 for ice...but my frugle nature isn't the point of this story...sad as it is... Packing my lunch

probably comes to around $3.00 or so, so if you count the time it takes to make it and buy the stuff and everything,

it's almost even.

(Per meal: lunch meat...~$0.95... bread...~$0.10... salad...$0.75... dressing...$.25 (not

sure)... 6 wafers or 4 cookies...$0.10 or $.30... fruit cup...$.60-$.90 depending on type, size, etc...containers,

etc...$.02...that's about $3.00 give or take...plus prep time, washing the containers, etc.)

Yeah, I'm a

little crazy about prices. I'm the guy who goes 60% generic brand and 40% "whatever's on sale".

But I

digress...

I walk out with my meal. I was going to give the guy at the door a dime, but two girls were

walking by and his attention was on them...so I keep walking. Then, a camera crew accosts me about a 30-second

interview regarding nutrition. Awesome! I'm so excited because I'm all about nutrition and health and exercise.

I can actually give intelligent feedback on the subject.

Unfortunately, I realize that they are there to

catch people walking out of McDonald's. They don't give a crap about me, they want to show how dumb people are to

go and eat all of that fattening crap without regard to their health. I am suddenly remembering every street quiz

I've ever seen trying to make people look stupid.

I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.



They ask me if I know anything about the food pyramid. I give an answer like I was reading a textbook. I know

about the "little fats", the 2-3 milk and meat, the 4-6 fruit and veggies, the 9-11 grains (yeah, they might've

changed it since I was in HS, but that's the way it was "back in the day"). They ask me about my nutritional

values. I try to express what I wrote in the first paragraph, but I am very disoriented by the camera and the

on-the-spot feeling I have...and then it happens. As I'm talking, the camera man moves from my face, down to the

McDonald's bag, and back to my face. I'm in a trap. F*ck.

I suddenly have a vision of the end result of

this. I see myself through the camera. I see the documentary now. American's don't know jack or don't care

about what they're eating, by some guy trying to spite fast food chains. Not that I disagree with their

stance, but I am becoming a pawn in the war on unhealthy food. I see them talking about how Americans eat

unhealthy...I see them talking about people who say they eat healthy and know about health but eat bad food anyway.

I see my face reciting the food pyramid and how I eat healthy while the camera "innocently" moves just to show that

I'm preaching health with a McDonald's bag in my hand. Yes, it is a beautiful documentary piece...and I look like

a dumb, ignorant American. I'm in a catch-22. I either look like an unhealthy, ignorant freak or an intelligent

person who doesn't practice what he preaches. They have me. Damn them all to hell. I switch from realistic

vision to the unrealistic one of me taking out the camera man by punching him so hard that he doesn't know what his

name is...

...but I must remain focused. It's time for "Damage Control". I won't only look like an

idiot, but I'll try to paint a better picture of myself and hope they don't edit it out to the only one part where

I say I eat healthy and know the food pyramid off by heart but am holding a McDonald's bag in my hand. I should

just pull out the side salad I ordered and show them what I actually bought. Anyone who sees those bags...yes,

bags, I needed two because side salads always get their own bags...will see a Big Mac and Super-Sized Fries

with enough calories to replace Jared's hundreds of pounds from the Subway diet.

I list what I can about

what I eat. I notice I say, "ummm..." a lot because I can't think of the right words. Damn my introverted self

that I lose my verbal prowess on-the-spot compared to when I write or have time to think...I talk about my

Total and a banana for breakfast...my balanced dinner...the fact that I came here because it's cheap. I

should've made a stand by saying that if they came out with "Healthy Fast Food" where you could get a fruit cup,

veggies and fat-free dip, and a sandwich for $4, I'd eat that every day.

The interview ended by asking me

how important a healthy diet was. I am smarter than they're trying to make me look with my McDonald's bag in my

hand. Who is this guy to try to get people to judge me, anyway? This guy has me by about 60 lbs. of...well, we'll

just say that it wasn't muscle. I can tell he hasn't seen the gym in a while. That's it...

"Well, a

healthy diet isn't the only part you should be focusing on. You need to mix diet and exercise to really be a

healthy person. I work out 5 days a week."

Yeah, stick it to the man, b!tch. If any part that makes me

look intelligent stays in that interview, I can guarantee you that it will be that. I may be proving their point

that people need diet and exercise in their lives while avoiding crap like McDonald's. Well, at least this wasn't

a total hit to my pride.

The interview is over. The lady there thanks me a lot for a great interview. They

all thought it was good, apparently.

"You had to catch me the one day I go to McDonald's," I

said...

"Oh, that's okay..." she said.

Yeah, it's okay so you'll make me look like an idiot. I

walk away, running the slug in the face again through my mind to get my mind off of the potential bad ways they

could edit that to make me look dumb. I noticed that I never even asked them what it was for or anything...



I hate when people try to make me look like a tool.

I just hope I'm wrong...but I still want to break

that camera man's face.

Look for me in the upcoming documentary, The Stupid People who Think They Know

about Health but Eat at McDonald's...

PR

ohh Pancho, you are so cute.


a big

strapping lad like you with his lil' fruity Cupy....arrrr weeee weeee cutie pie....let me give you a big huggy

woOoOo

[Pancho1188]

A

Little Bit of Subtlety
A Pheromone Post

By Pancho Rivera

I have been constantly reminded of

my lack of pheromone-related posts, so here we go:

I've been using ~4 drops of TE and ~4" of SOE (more or less

on both, I think I use less than that because I may not be using full drops or full inches due to how I apply) for a

while now, and it seems to get me more "presence". If you're looking to improve your status in society, this is a

decent combo.

Now, I can't account for the fact that I've been trying to wear clothes that accentuate my

figure, but I've gotten the occasional look and receive smiles from people at work. I've noticed that my boss will

stop by just to say hi and mention something and then have an awkward goodbye because there's nothing else to say.

Now, maybe I'm just awkward, I don't know. I don't really use cover scents because the SOE has a nice fragrance

to it, and I spread the TE to a point where it's too subtle to even notice. When I do cover, I usually use one

spray of cologne (don't ask me what kind because I really don't know and don't care...although one is Tommy

Hilfiger, the other is "NFL Cologne" with the 49ers on it I got like 7 years ago or so as a gift...). I personally

don't like too much if any cologne because it's just powerful stuff and eminates around you. I don't want to be a

walking perfume department...maybe I should change my tune. I don't know.

That all being said, I have noticed

people looking my way here and there. I notice that when I don't wear it, I can become almost invisible and left

out of conversations. That can happen, anyway, if I'm tired and have nothing to provide in way of interesting

banter, but what an old friend called the "sidewalk effect", where three people will always lead to two people and a

third doing a dance to keep up with the group, I was always that third guy until I wore -mones. I remember the last

time this gorgeous girl was talking to me and there was a third guy, someone she seemed to know better than me...I

was thinking, "Oh, no...now with this third guy here, I'm screwed..." Somehow, though, we came out of that

elevator, and I was the #1 man next to her carrying on the conversation. I remember a split attention as I was

talking to her and thinking about how I was the man by actually being the guy to keep the conversation going

with her while the #2 guy was falling behind and leaving the conversation.

Yeah, bitch.

In conclusion, TE

and SOE make a good combination.

PR

[Pancho1188]

The Birth

of the Mack
A little bit of everything...

By Pancho Rivera


Dear Tallmacky,

Hey, big

guy! So, I was surfing the forum and heard it through the grapevine (or the long thread dedicated to

you...and a post before that...and the Love-Scent announcement...you get what I mean ) that it was...of all

things...your birthday. I thought,

"Wow...Welcome[img]http://66.45.239.2

27/forum/images/smilies/ls/welcome.gif[/img] to the world of being 19. It's a trip. Cheers. "

I

was thinking, "Good post. " I was all proud of myself...but no! That's not good

enough for Tallmacky!!! What was I thinking?!?!? I had to think of the post beyond posts... One that

could top everything... What could that possibly be?!?!? Think, Pancho, think!!!

[img]http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/frustrated.gif[/img]

What do you get for the man who worships the star female of this

forum? Who's absolutely infatuated...

[img]http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/lovestruck.gif[/img] You'd be totally whipped if they were actually together... ...but

I'm sure that sounds perfectly fine to both of you...

I'm thinking so hard, it's making me sick...

[img]http://66.45.239.227/forum/image

s/smilies/ls/sick.gif[/img] I can't do what everyone else has done... Elana probably gave you a kiss...

Aww, how sweet for the Big Mack...

I thought of something...it's at the tip of my tongue...it's

poking at me... I know! 19 konks on the head! ...and one to grow on!!!

...and then we

throw him off a 19-story building into a pool filled with jello! Then the members of the forum will get dead drunk

and dance around the pool singing, "I'm Henry VIII, I am" over and over again...with the words changed like

this:

I'm Macky the Great, I am
Macky the Great, I am, I am
I got married to Elana last night
She didn't

even try to run or fight
And everyone yells, "Macky!" ("Macky!")
Macky the Great, I am, I am
Macky

the Great, I am...

Second verse...same as the first!!!

Wait a second... I'm not mean enough

to throw Tallmacky off of a 19-story building... He's been nothing but good to me. What kind of friend

would I be???

Wait a second...by debating my thoughts, I just gave Tallmacky one nice present. I dedicated

an entire posting to him using all of the new smilies. Alright! Happy birthday, buddy!

PR