1. ÂJesse Jackson, Jim Baker

and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive
Ânew book. It\'s called \"Ministers Do More Than Lay People.\"


Â2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your

boss....The Pope only expects Âyou
to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it

is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if Âyou\'re in the
Âbathroom.
6. ÂI hate

sex in the movies. ÂTried it once. ÂThe seat folded up, the drink
spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled

Âthe mood.
7. ÂIt used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
there\'s shipping and

handling, too.
8. ÂA husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression
that he just

cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - - just vending machines and a large
trash can.


10. A blonde said, \"I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me Âoff.
ÂI was relieved when he told me

all I needed was turn signal fluid.\"
11. I\'m depressed. ÂMy doctor refused to write me a prescription for

Viagra.
ÂHe said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bitten by

a stray rabid dog. ÂI went to see how he was and
found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him

rabies could be
cured, he didn\'t have to worry about a Will. ÂHe said, Â\"Will? ÂWhat Will?
ÂI\'m making a

list of the people I want to bite!\"
13. Definition of a teenager? ÂGod\'s punishment for enjoying sex.
14.

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point Âthe
wrong way.
15. I signed up for an

exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
Âclothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn\'t

have signed up in
the Âfirst place!
16. When I was young we used to go \"skinny dipping,\" now I just

\"chunky
dunk.\"
17. The early bird still has to eat worms.
18. The worst thing about accidents in the

kitchen is eating them.
19. Don\'t argue with an idiot; --people listening may not be able to tell who
is

which.
20. Wouldn\'t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press \'Ctrl Alt

Delete\' and start Âall over?
21. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize you haven\'t Âfallen


asleep yet.
22. My wife says I never listen to her. ----At least I think that\'s what she
said.
23. Just

remember...if the world didn\'t suck, we\'d all fall off.
24. Why is it that our children can\'t read a

Bible in school, but they can in
prison?
25. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have

started with
something called labor!
26. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever



















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