The

Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...

Greeting Cards

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone

to love.

And now that you\'ve come into my life...

(Inside card) - I\'ve changed my mind.



I

must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.





As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you\'re not here to ruin it for me.





Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back?

You\'ll probably need it again.



Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.





Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!



When we were

together, you said you\'d die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we\'ve broken up, I think it\'s time to keep your

promise.



We\'ve been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?





I\'m so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It\'s almost like you\'re still here.





Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?





You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(Inside card)

- I\'d miss you terribly and think of you often.



Your friends and I wanted to do something special for

your birthday...

(Inside card) - So we\'re having you put to sleep.



Happy Birthday, Uncle

Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee and Arkansas)

Looking back over the years we\'ve

been together, I can\'t help but wonder...

(Inside card) - What was I thinking?



Congratulations on

your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.