Need a good laugh?

[Cavalier]

Have you ever spoken

and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

testimonials of a few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and

asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?\" I turned around and walked back out and never

went back. My husband didn\'t say a word... he knew better. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf

balls. I was unhappy! with the women\'s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was

approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without

thinking, I looked at him and said, \"I think I like playing with men\'s balls.\"

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

My sister and

I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display

case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied, \"No, I\'m just looking at your

nuts.\"
My sister started to laugh hysterically and the boy grinned.
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this

day, my sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release

some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and

annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving \"right now\" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, \"If you don\'t let me go right

now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy\'s pee-pee last night!\" The silence was deafening after

this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity

and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were

screams of laughter. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Have you

ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very

busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my

seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I

asked him if he needed to go, and he said \"No.\"
I kept thinking, \"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,

and I don\'t have any clothes with me.\" Then I said, \"Danny, are you SURE you didn\'t have an accident?\"

\"No,\" he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooo, I

asked one more time, \"Danny, did you have an accident?\" This time he jumped up, yank! down his pants, bent over

and spread
his cheeks and yelled. \"SEE MOM, IT\'S JUST FARTS!!\" While 30 people near nearly choked to death

on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking

me for the best laugh they\'d ever had. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and

a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when

you predict snow but don\'t get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was

supposed to have snowed and didn\'t, turned to the weatherman and asked: \"So Bob, where\'s that 8 inches you

promised me last night?\" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so

hard!

Now, didn\'t that feel good? I know that many of you have had some imbarrasing moments like this.. so

please tell.. come on.. be honest.. you know you have. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[TopDawg2050]

LMFAO the

last one was the funniest

[Pancho1188]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and

three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?\" I turned around and

walked back out and never went back. My husband didn\'t say a word... he knew better.


<hr

/></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

It\'s a shame she left so fast...I would have liked to hear how much

those places charge for a blow job...

On the other hand, I can see why the husband turned away so fast because if

he has 3 kids (think about it) and a wife with blow jobs on the brain, he\'s gotta be one happy man...

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Bruce]

This is a second

hand story, but I believe it really happened. A friend of mine went to visit his fiance\'s parents for the first

time and there were quite a few folks sitting around the living room when suddently he realized his zipper was down.

Him being the guest of honor, all eyes were on him, he paniced and did something sort of strange, hoping to

distract everyone long enough to give him a chance to zip his pants up. He didn\'t think it out to well, he just

suddenly exclaimed \"Wow! Look at that\" and pointed out the window. I guess the idea was to make some excuse

about it afterwards, but alas it turned out there happened to be something going on out there. By the time he got

his pants zipped up everyone else in the room was gathered around the window laughing their heads off. My buddy

worked his way thru the crowd to find out what all the fuss was about: two dogs screwing.

Bruce

[TopDawg2050]

Lmao

[Rakesh]

My \"accident\"

of this sort was in London. See, I\'m czech, and so I don\'t fear speaking my mind in my native language when

abroad. This was my undoing.

I was trying to get a picture of the column in front of the Greenwich observatory

which contains the official time, an official inch, an official foot etc. When I had the picture all set up, an

older and very spatially challenged (=fat) lady stepped in front of it. In my native language, I went like \"You

fuc*ing old fat hag, will ye get yer fat arse away from the god damn thing?\". She just turned around and answered

(in czech of course) \"oh sorry i didn\'t know you wanted to photograph it\".

[EXIT63]

BUSTED!!!

That\'ll teach ya to keep yer eurotrash mouth shut.

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[CJ01]

Rakesh, London is just

one of those places... you can never be sure [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I´ve listened to

some interesting conversations in all sorts of places, the tube´s great for this - the things you hget to hear, even

if you don´t want to [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Rakesh]

Had kinda the same

situation but reversed happen to me in the Alps. I was snowboarding and umm kinda skipped the queue (people on skies

always leave just enough space for a snowboard on their left side and all of sudden i heard behind myself, in

czech \"oh man kick that snowboarding fu*ker\'s arse\". Just turned around and asked \"umm excuse me guys?\".

\"Oh man sorry didn\'t know you were czech\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Which only makes

me convinced that there actually IS karma