Another unlicensed movie cash-in. You\'ll be hearing from my lawyers.
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Coming soon to a theatre near you: Pancho in Heat III
\"Lock up
your daughters! Lock up your Wives! Hell, lock up anything that isn\'t nailed down! The adorable Chihuahua
Pancho (star of other childrens classics, including Ernest Suffers Depression and Ah! My Eye!) returns
to warm the forgotten reaches of your heart and remind you what\'s good about life: namely, humpin\'! Join
Pancho as he travels the country in a convertable with his two best friends, a box terrier named Marty (Tom Sellik)
and a doberman, Dozer (Nic Cage) and watch as thier exploits lead them to question not only the nature of thier
friendships, but also the very purpose of life itself! Thankfully, that only lasts about five minutes, until Pancho
makes it glaringly obvious by getting it on with one of the wheel-mounts. You\'ll laugh, you\'ll cry, you\'ll
scream: \"Ah! My Eye!\"
\"...heartwarming stuff, intensely watchable\" -Empire Magazine
\"I
didn\'t know where to look, but my daughter told me to look at the huge moving pictures. She\'s a smart one and
no mistake! Five stars!\" -In The Cut Magazine
\"I for one didn\'t like it, as they never spent
enough time in the Matrix, and the bullet-time was used inappropriately\"
-MovieMadness.com
\"...spare some change?\" -A Homeless Man, yesterday.
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Get the
DVD! In stores now!!! The Pancho in Heat III DVD is a two-disc set: the movie on one, and special bonus
features on the other! Watch as hilarious outtakes of Pancho humping lamp posts, dolls (here\'s a clip:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/humpingbaby.html), and
various other inanimate and even living objects. You even get behind-the-scenes footage with exclusive interviews
with the actors!!!
(Cut to sample)
Nicholas Cage: \"The enthusiasm Pancho brings to the film is unbridled. In my
major movies such as Family Man, Con Air, Gone in 60 Seconds, and 8mm, I\'ve never gotten to work with someone who
spontaneously humps wheel-mounts. It\'s incredible. Pancho\'s acting is so raw, it feels as if he becomes the
character he portrays or has always been that horny chihuahua that humps indiscriminantly. It\'s been a pleasure
working with him, and I hope to do future films with this gifted actor.\"
It even contains some screenshots from
the movie:
(Caution: Not for the faint of
heart!!!)
http://www.geocities.com/Pancho1188/Mein
RoomSmall.JPG
http://www.geocities.com/Pan
cho1188/PanchoinHeatPic.JPG
(Serious note: Cannot get links to work, but copying and pasting url seems to
work)
These pictures contain spoilers as Pancho actually transforms from chihuahua to starving human male model
who eventually gets killed by one of the male photographers he had to sleep with in order to be considered for a
shoot.
Again, that\'s Pancho in Heat III, available on DVD in stores now!!!
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Since someone was so appreciative as to bump it (I\'m assuming because
of the coolness that is Pancho in Heat III)...
It\'s finally here, folks: Pancho in Heat III: The
Game! That\'s right, you and up to 27 other players can play simultaneously in the endless melee that is
Pancho in Heat III! Select from 237 breeds of dog, including everyone\'s favorite Chihuahua, Pancho, and
cause utter chaos and destruction by humping and urinating on everything within a 20-mile radius of your location.
Unlock special characters by beating levels, and you can become famous pets such as Benji, Scooby-Doo, Lassie,
B-I-N-G-O, and the fun-loving, ever-loyal Cujo!!!! Travel to such grand destinations as Hollywood, Hong Kong,
Paris, Buenos Aires, and even Mars (Mars, Pennsylvania)!!! The gameplay is so spectacular, you\'ll think
you\'re actually a dog! With over 50 action packed levels such as Mark Your Territory, Sniffing
Butts, and Don\'t Get Neutered!!!, Pancho in Heat III: The Game provides hours of game-playing
excitement! This game even includes special voice appearances by Nicholas Cage! Buy it now before Pancho goes from
\"in heat\" to \"packin\' heat\"!
What the critics say about Pancho in Heat III: The Game:
\"I
don\'t play video games.\" - My grandfather
\"Two paws up...\" - Someone who had to be funny
\"This game
is better than the movie---which isn\'t saying much...\" - Hard-to-Please Magazine
\"Nothing beats hearing
Nicholas Cage say, \'They just stole the family jewels!!!\' I wish I had family jewels...\" - Someone who
didn\'t get the figure of speech
\"This game sucks. I can\'t believe anyone would shell out $50 for
thi------hey, what are you doing with that knife?!?!? AHHHHH!!!!!!!\" - Someone who wasn\'t able to finish his
quote and can no longer be reached for comment
\"If you don\'t like this game, we will find you and make sure
you don\'t tell anyone...ever...\" - The makers of Pancho in Heat III: The Game
Pancho in Heat III:
The Game In Stores Now!!!
Another unlicensed movie cash-in. You\'ll be hearing from my lawyers.
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