Damsel in Distress!! Help me men!!!
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Wow, that is one of the weirdest things I\'ve heard in a while. Unfortunately, I don\'t believe we
have information to help you as well as we could. There are so many issues involved in such actions and it could be
many factors. First of all, you have to look at how you interact. If they are very shy men and you don\'t give
them the \"go ahead\" to make a move, then they\'ll retreat back because they\'ll think you don\'t like
them. If sex is involved, maybe they get close and move away afterwards only to come back again later. Maybe they
have fear of commitment or self-esteem issues where they want to get close to people but get afraid and push you
away when you get too close to them emotionally. Maybe you demand a lot emotionally and these guys get overwhelmed
and need to back off but still like you enough to want to try again. Maybe you\'re misinterpreting their signals
and when you try to get close, they move away because it\'s not what they want. Maybe you unconsciously do things
to push them away because you freak out from the closeness. One of those could be right, many of those could be
right, or none of those could be right. I don\'t think anyone could give you a perfect answer based on the
current post alone, but the best advice I could give you would be this:
1. Evaluate what your wants and needs
are.
2. Assess what you believe they want.
3. If you are really that close to them, be honest. Ask what they are
thinking, tell them you are interested in them, and see if they open up. If they treat you coldly, then they
don\'t want to open up and therefore you won\'t have a very good chance of getting to the level the average
person would want. Communication is the key to everything in interpersonal associations.
4. Assess the situation
as a whole. I\'m assuming these men are honest (shy guys usually are), but make sure you understand how/what
they\'re thinking and whether this could be a good situation for both of you.
5. Take decisive action based on
your mutual understanding. If they give you positive feedback, make your move. Girls can be go-getters, too,
especially with shy guys. If it is negative, it may be dangerous for you to attempt to try something because you
may end up getting hurt. (Note: I learned the hard way because a girl I really liked gave me mixed signals for 6
months before we went out, then went back to her uncertainty 6 months later and broke up with me.)
6. If this
pattern (interest->distance->interest) continues and they come back, ask them what happened during the time
that they pushed away. Maybe you can work it out, but maybe it\'s a problem that they need to work out
themselves. You\'ll know the difference if you think about whether it\'s a temporary problem due to
circumstances or if it\'s a problem that they\'ve had for a long time and will have a hard time letting go of or
getting over any time soon.
I think that\'s a good basis for analysis of the situation, but if there is more to
the story than written on the forum post, I could also be way off. I hope other forum members attempt to help out
with the situation or I hope you elaborate more on the situation so others like myself can be more accurate with our
help. Hope this helps!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
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