Howdy! Just wanted to share something to go with your weekend coffee. Annnnnnnnd, I want you all to have a safe long weekend. Fer those of ya traveling about.... remember...watch out for the other guy! Tis he that doesn\'t know how to drive. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] Back here safely on Tuesday and post yer hit stories! Tater! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]
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DOING THE NASTY IN THE DARK!

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

\"You impotent bastard,\" She screamed at him, \"how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!\"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

\"I\'ll explain the toy... you explain the kids.\"
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THOSE NAUGHTY BLONDES!

These two blondes went out for a night on the town, drank way too much and got just totally hammered. At the end of the evening, unable to find a ride home, they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture.

Once they started walking through this pasture they became lost, so they split up to try and find the road home. One of the blondes doubled back only to stumble upon the other blonde, flat on her back naked, playing, licking, sucking, and rubbing on her face...a cow\'s udder.

Her friend screamed, \"What the hell are you doing?!\"

The other blonde replied, \"Shut the hell up! With all these guys here, I\'m tying to make sure that one of them gives us a ride home!!\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

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SEX, LIES, AND A GRAVY LADLE!

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldnt help noticing how beautiful John\'s roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than meets the eye. Reading his mom\'s thoughts, John volunteered, \"I know what you must be thinking, but I asure you, Julie and I are just roommates.\"

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, \"Every since your mother came to dinner, I cant find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You dont suppose your mom took it, do you?\" John said, \"Well, I doubt it, but I\'ll write her a letter just to be sure.\"

So he sat down and wrote, \"Dear Mother, I\'m not saying you did take the gravy ladle from my house and I\'m not saying you did not take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John.\"

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

\"Dear Son, I\'m not saying that you \"do\" sleep with Julie, and I\'m not saying that you \"do not\" sleep with Julie, but the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]
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SOME GUYS JUST DON\'T PAY ATTENTION!

A middle-aged woman convinced her husband to attend a couples retreat.

At the first session, the facilitator said, \"The fact is, no matter how long we\'ve been married, there are many things we don\'t know about each other. For example, how many of you husbands can name your wife\'s favorite flower?\"

The husband smiled knowingly, put his hand on his wife\'s knee, with a big smile on his face and feeling so very proud that he knew the answer, said, \"It\'s Pillsbury All-Purpose, right?\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]


\"Is you is, or is you ain\'t my baby!!?\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]