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  1. #1
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    Default THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    Here it is! The top 8 Dummies of 2002! These people deserve to wear a \"Stupid People\" sign!!!!!


    Dummy # 1

    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset cause she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly told her ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

    She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation, she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

    I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

    Here\'s your sign lady. Wear it with pride!

    Dummy # 2

    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them, surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

    Here\'s your sign guys. Don\'t get it wet, the paint might run.

    Dummy # 3

    A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote \"this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.\" While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller\'s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller, she read it, and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn\'t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, \"OK\" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

    Don\'t bother with this guy\'s sign. He probably couldn\'t read it anyway.

    Dummy # 4

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

    Another sign! (Although this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!

    Dummy # 5

    Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, \"Because I don\'t believe you are over 21.\" The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn\'t believe him. At this point the robber took his driver\'s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

    The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the, robber. He got arrested two hours later.

    (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)

    Dummy # 6

    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, \"Nobody move!\" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

    (This guy doesn\'t need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.)

    Dummy # 7

    Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he\'d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)

    Dummy # 8

    Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M.,flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn\'t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren\'t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]



  2. #2
    Bad Motha Holmes's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    LOL.That\'s great. Were the Dummy Awards funded by a grant from the Redd Foxx Foundation?

    Holmes

  3. #3
    Phero Guru Sagacious1420's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You think that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re likely to breed? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

  4. #4
    King of the coupons!
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You think that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re likely to breed? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You\'ve got to think positive Saga! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] Look at it this way...one 1 watt lightbulb + one 1 watt lightbulb = 2 watts together, yes? That\'s a little better, eh? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    Phero Guru Sagacious1420's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You think that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re likely to breed? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You\'ve got to think positive Saga! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] Look at it this way...one 1 watt lightbulb + one 1 watt lightbulb = 2 watts together, yes? That\'s a little better, eh? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Chuckle.... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

  6. #6
    Man of La Pancha
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are

    allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    You think that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re likely to breed?

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Then you want

    to read the Darwin Awards... Those are when the stupid people actually die because of their stupidity before they

    can reproduce, thus removing them from the gene pool as in Darwin\'s theory of natural selection.

    That being

    said, you missed a good one:

    A robber held up a convenience store one winter. The man takes the owner\'s money

    and runs home. As police arrive on the scene, they noticed the man\'s footprints in the snow leaving the scene.

    They then followed the footprints to the robber\'s house and promptly arrested him.

    They can hang his sign in

    his jail cell. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

  7. #7
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN

    LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note that all of these people are allowed to vote!

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You think

    that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re likely to breed?

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Then you want

    to read the Darwin Awards... Those are when the stupid people actually die because of their stupidity before they

    can reproduce, thus removing them from the gene pool as in Darwin\'s theory of natural selection.

    That being

    said, you missed a good one:

    A robber held up a convenience store one winter. The man takes the owner\'s money

    and runs home. As police arrive on the scene, they noticed the man\'s footprints in the snow leaving the scene.

    They then followed the footprints to the robber\'s house and promptly arrested him.

    They can hang his sign in

    his jail cell. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Here\'s an aborted crime, but not exactly based on stupidity. It happened in Bakersfield, CA

    about 15 years ago.

    Guy stuck a gun in a grocery checker\'s face. The lady, reacting, not thinking, per her

    report, swung a #10 can of green beans up and hit him in the cojones. Guy went down, craking his jaw on the counter.

    The manager called the cops and an ambulance. When the paramedics heard how the guy got hurt, they started laughing

    and dropped the stretcher (no gurney), and broke the guy\'s leg. Meanwhile, the guy had parked his car, out front,

    with the motor running-- to make a getaway-- and somebody stole it.

  8. #8
    Man of La Pancha
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr

    />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY! Please note

    that all of these people are allowed to vote! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

    <hr

    /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    You think that\'s scary...have you considered the fact that they\'re

    likely to breed? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Then you want to read the Darwin Awards... Those are when the stupid people actually die

    because of their stupidity before they can reproduce, thus removing them from the gene pool as in Darwin\'s theory

    of natural selection.

    That being said, you missed a good one:

    A robber held up a convenience store one winter.

    The man takes the owner\'s money and runs home. As police arrive on the scene, they noticed the man\'s

    footprints in the snow leaving the scene. They then followed the footprints to the robber\'s house and promptly

    arrested him.

    They can hang his sign in his jail cell. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

    <hr

    /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Here\'s an aborted crime, but not exactly based on stupidity. It

    happened in Bakersfield, CA about 15 years ago.

    Guy stuck a gun in a grocery checker\'s face. The lady,

    reacting, not thinking, per her report, swung a #10 can of green beans up and hit him in the cojones. Guy went down,

    craking his jaw on the counter. The manager called the cops and an ambulance. When the paramedics heard how the guy

    got hurt, they started laughing and dropped the stretcher (no gurney), and broke the guy\'s leg. Meanwhile, the

    guy had parked his car, out front, with the motor running-- to make a getaway-- and somebody stole it.

    <hr

    /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] Wow, that was better than mine!!!

  9. #9
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    I admit, I

    love it when bad things happen to bad people.

  10. #10
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I admit, I love it when bad things happen to bad

    people.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Well, here\'s another one. True story-- happened at a

    bank on Wilshire, in L.A. Robber left his gun behind. He called the next day, to ask if he could come in and pick it

    up.

  11. #11
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I admit, I love it when bad things happen to bad

    people.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    And, one other:

    Haircut Lands Drunk Thief in Hot Water


    Tue Jan 6,11:11 AM ET Add Oddly Enough - Reuters to My Yahoo!



    BERLIN (Reuters) - An attempt by a

    German thief to change his appearance after a robbery backfired Monday when a hairdresser tipped off the police.





    German police said in a statement Tuesday they had detained a man and his 23-year-old female accomplice

    on suspicion of robbing a store in the Berlin suburb of Spandau and attacking the 59-year-old shop assistant.




    \"Afterwards they both fled with their loot to a nearby hairdressers. The extremely drunk 24-year-old man cut

    his own hair there, boasted about his crime and then left the hairdressers together with his accomplice,\" the

    statement said.


    An employee at the hairdressers called the police who detained the couple nearby. During a

    search of the pair, who police said were drug addicts, officers found on the woman a bank card that was stolen

    during an earlier break-in.







  12. #12
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    Concord,

    CA.

    A man walks into a convienance store, pulls out a gun and robs the guy. Runs out to his car he left idling to

    discover he had locked the door when he got out. When the police arrived he was tryig to break the window.

  13. #13
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    My all time

    favorite is the guy who cuts a hole in the roof a a liquer store and climbs down to rob the place. He empties the

    till and stuffs a bottle in his back pocket before attempting to leave. That\'s when he discovers he didn\'t

    drop a rope and can\'t reach the ceiling to climb back out. So he climbs up on the counter and jumps, missing his

    catch and landing on his butt where he has the bottle stored. The bottle breaks and cuts him up pretty good so he

    calls 9-11.

  14. #14
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Concord, CA.

    A man walks into a convienance

    store, pulls out a gun and robs the guy. Runs out to his car he left idling to discover he had locked the door when

    he got out. When the police arrived he was tryig to break the window.

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Circuit City security guard (in uniform) decides to rob the place after closing. He put a bag

    over his head, as a mask. But, he forgot to cut holes, for the eyes. Ran into a pole, and knocked himself cold. The

    employees staying behind to close called 911. Guy wsa still out when the cops came. All this caught on surveillance

    cameras.

  15. #15
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    I think this

    was LA but I\'m not sure:

    Three people go to rob a bank, one waits in the car while the other two go in. Once

    they get the money, they run back out to the car and take off, getting about 1/4 mile before running out of gas.

    Guess they needed to rob the bank to buy gas.

  16. #16
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    About 6

    months ago some guy saw an opportunity and snatched to money bags out of an armored car. Unfortunately, they were

    filled with pennies and weighed 60 pounds each. His get away sprint was a little encumbered and he was caught within

    a block.

  17. #17
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    About 6 months ago some guy saw an opportunity and

    snatched to money bags out of an armored car. Unfortunately, they were filled with pennies and weighed 60 pounds

    each. His get away sprint was a little encumbered and he was caught within a block.

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    There was a guy, out here, who siphoned gas from an auto. He put it into a styrofoam beverage

    cooler-- not realizing gas dissolves the foam. He only got a few feet.

  18. #18
    Man of La Pancha
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I admit, I love it when bad things happen to bad

    people.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    There is actually a German word that describes the

    emotion of laughing at/enjoying other people\'s misfortunes... Anyone know what it is?

  19. #19
    Phero Pharaoh
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    I admit, I love it when bad things happen to bad people.

    <hr

    /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    There is actually a German word that describes the emotion of laughing

    at/enjoying other people\'s misfortunes... Anyone know what it is?

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Schadenfreude-- I THINK that\'s spelled right.

  20. #20
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    I\'m a

    little more selective than that - I only take pleasure at the due comupence of bad people. Taking pleasure at the

    travails of decent folk is a more refined sport.

  21. #21
    Doctor of Scentology DrSmellThis's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    The only

    reason others sometimes care about one\'s miseries.

  22. #22
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: THE 2002 DUMMY AWARDS

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font

    class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Concord, CA.

    A man walks into a convienance store, pulls out a gun and

    robs the guy. Runs out to his car he left idling to discover he had locked the door when he got out. When the police

    arrived he was tryig to break the window.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Circuit City security

    guard (in uniform) decides to rob the place after closing. He put a bag over his head, as a mask. But, he forgot to

    cut holes, for the eyes. Ran into a pole, and knocked himself cold. The employees staying behind to close called

    911. Guy wsa still out when the cops came. All this caught on surveillance cameras.

    <hr /></blockquote><font

    class=\"post\">

    Saw this one just today:

    \'Clown Bandit\' Bungles Liquor Shop Heist


    CLAYTON,

    Mo. - Police in the St. Louis area are calling it the case of the \"Clown Bandit.\" A man created a comedy of

    errors as he broke into a liquor store earlier this week.

    The crook was seen on surveillance video stealing

    booze. But just off camera, he slammed face first into a door. Then he lost his balance, slipped and fell.

    He

    also grabbed some cigarettes and a magazine, police said, and bagged his own goods. But he couldn\'t get out the

    window where he came in so he threw all of the stolen items out the window. The liquor bottles then broke.

    The

    man went away empty-handed, police say. The stolen goods were valued at $30.





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