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  1. #1
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    Default Help with a poem.

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    Maybe you guys can help me. I\'m writing a poem for my GF, and I know what I want to say; but I\'ve always had a problem forming it together and making a decent rhythmic pattern with it. Stuff comes to me, but I can\'t form it. Could you guys add/take away from, or form these thoughts so they sound good; or give me some suggestions to do it...

    I remember that night in my bed, when you said those three words for the very first time,
    That moment

    When I look deeply into your eyes, or feel the soft touch of your lips against mine,
    I realize how lucky I am to have you.

    Every second of every day I think of you

    When I’m with you, nothing else matters,
    Knowing you’re there makes everything seem alright

    I am so thankful for that first night, when I was able to meet you
    I feel we are so right, so perfect, for one another
    And I can’t stop thinking how long we will be together.

    With each passing day, I still can’t believe we’ve only been together a couple of months
    Even though we haven’t been together that long, I never want to think about what my life would be like without you

    When I talk to or see you, I feel like we belong

    I keep looking at the picture of us together, and I’m reminded of all the good times we’ve had,
    And all the ones yet to come.

    When I touch you, I feel so warm inside

    I wish there were words that could describe how I feel for you
    I’ve never felt like this for anyone before,

    Know that no matter what happens or what you go through, I am always there for you

    When I sleep, you are all I think of

    With each passing second

    -Jon

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    Hey man, do you need help with everything? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    Are you sure you wanna give that to her ? It\'s like wearing a huge arrow over your head that says: \"I am your toy, please play games with me\". Extreme chumpalert. I\'d write something like

    Hey yo little witch
    Me luv you be my bitch
    I wanna shove my mass
    right up your tiny ...

    J/K
    ... I might help you with your poem ... in case you really want to give something like that to her.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    Over the past week or so, we have grown really close together, and have opened up a lot to each other. Last week she gave me a card expressing all of her feelings, and she broke down crying with emotion when we were together the other night. I feel comfortable, and very well established with her right now to where I feel that I can start to open up to her more; and I think this will be the best way. I\'m planning on leaving a card w/ this on her car when she\'s at work later (maybe today, maybe a week from now...whenever I feel comfortable enough to do it).

    As far as playing games, dating crap...we\'re past that and none of it\'s going to happen. But if it does, I\'ve always for your backup poem Andy :P

    -Jon

    And franki, yes I do. You want to come over tonight w/ Elana and show me some of your infamous \"moves\"?

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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />


    And franki, yes I do. You want to come over tonight w/ Elana and show me some of your infamous \"moves\"?

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img] Have to ask Elana first.. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    Naw, we don\'t. Just stick on some NPA and head over there. When you get there, just whip it out and she\'ll already be ready to go...

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Naw, we don\'t. Just stick on some NPA and head over there. When you get there, just whip it out and she\'ll already be ready to go...

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">
    it\'s true [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    I\'ll try to take a shot at the poem later, though I doubt it will be good [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    Whelp guys, after working on it for a while now...here\'s the rough product. Many thanks CptKipling, I really appreciate the help and the structure really helped. Now the only problem is how to give it to her... Type it up in a nice font on nice paper, write it out on white paper...etc. I have a card I was going to write it on, but there\'s not nearly enough room for it on that. What do u guys think?

    I constantly think of that night in my bed,
    When you told me those three words for the very first time,
    For those couple of seconds I cherish in my head,
    As I realized how happy I was that you were mine,

    Every time I look deeply into your eyes,
    Or feel the soft touch of your lips against mine,
    I realize how lucky I am to have you,

    Every second with you makes me so happy,
    Even though we’ve been together only a couple of months,
    I cannot imagine you not being with me,

    These feelings feel so weird to me,
    And I don’t know what to do about them a lot of the time,
    But you’re always there to comfort me,
    And the thought of ‘us’ makes everything seem fine

    Every second of every day I think of you,
    You probably don’t realize this, but even now I’m missing your touch,
    Nothing else seems to matter when I’m with you,
    I only wish I could describe how I love you so much,

    I am so thankful for that first night,
    And feeling that, for each other, we were so perfect and right,
    From that very first time you walked out of the room,
    I knew right then that I wanted nothing more than to be with you,

    I keep looking at the picture of us together,
    It seems like it was just taken yesterday,
    I see it, and I can’t stop from thinking that I’ll have you forever,

    I see your beautiful face next to mine,
    I’m reminded of all the good times we’ve shared,
    And how you always make everything seem fine,
    Even though I know sometimes you’re scared,

    Know that no matter what happens or what it comes to,
    Even with the bad decisions we’ve made,
    I am and will always be there for you,
    And I guarantee we’ll make it through,

    I wish there were words that could describe how much I’m feeling for you,
    Since we’ve been together everything has seemed so right,
    I’ve never felt like this for anyone before,
    And the thought of that scares me even more,

    When I talk to or see you, I feel like we belong,
    When I touch you, I get a warm feeling inside,
    When I go to sleep, you are all I think of,

    I hope this lasts forever, and forever you will be mine.


  10. #10
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    In my humble opinion (which let\'s face it, counts for very little) this is a bad idea - but as you\'re determined to do it anyway the only gem of information I can impart is this...

    ... with something so personal, why totally piss on the effect by completely depersonalising it via printing it out. It has to be hand written, or not done at all.

    I only have a 5 pence peice, can I have my 3 pence change? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    I\'m not totally determined to give this to her right now. I\'m probably going to wait a little while before I give it to her; maybe a couple of weeks. I\'m thinking on nice whitepaper written out and put in the card.

    Here\'s your 3 pences back.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Here\'s your 3 pences back.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Heh, thankyou kind sir [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Aye, I\'d go with the white paper - get the really thick stuff, really really thick - not computer paper but proper writing paper. And of course, as if you need telling this, give it a lil spray with some aNOL based product [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

    Also, don\'t worry if your handwriting isn\'t very neat - the personal touch will still be 1000x better than the cold hard unfeeling touch of printed font [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    I agree with Sinbard about handwriting it. I don\'t necessarily agree with his opinion that what you\'re doing is a bad idea- only you and she know what what\'s between you, so only the two of you can judge that. I will say, though, that IF she isn\'t feeling what you are, you could *definitely* scare her off with this. If she *IS*, then she\'s gonna be a big puddle of mush and you\'ll likely end up having a pretty intense night with her (in many respects). It\'s a good poem- very personal and very pointed. I think a good way to give it to her, when you\'re ready, is to write it (by hand) on a nice sheet of paper (maybe vellum or one of the resume quality paper stocks- doesn\'t necessarily have to be stark white) and spritz it with whatever cologne of yours you know she prefers. A nice touch to finish it off would be to either roll it (scroll-like) and tie it with a ribbon (you could attach her favorite flower- a red rose wouldn\'t be too clique here), or fold it into a matching envelope and seal it with wax and a stamp of *your* initials. I really like the wax seals (have a few myself). You can get them at novelty stores or online and they\'re simple to use- just melt the wax so it drops onto the paper, and impress it with the stamp before it dries. Anyway, HTH.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    A nice touch to finish it off would be to either roll it (scroll-like) and tie it with a ribbon &lt;snip&gt; or fold it into a matching envelope and seal it with wax and a stamp of *your* initials.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Now there are a couple of cracking ideas! I like [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    DVK,

    Those are awesome ideas. I\'m going to see if I can get some of the really nice paper to use, and I\'ll get her a White Lilly (her fav) to tie it to. A little spray of Curve, and it\'ll be perfect.

    I\'m confident that she feels the same way about me right now, which is the only reason I\'ve let myself go this far and feel comfortable enough to open up to her. She has professed how she feels to me before, and shows it constantly so I don\'t think it\'s going to scare her anywhere.

    What would be an example of where I could get the wax seals? I\'ve never seen one before, and wouldn\'t know where to look. I was planning on going to Staples/Office Depot to look for the really nice paper and envelope; would I be able to find it there?

  16. #16
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    Default Wax and seals

    Hey Jon,

    Office Max/Depot and Stamples should have a pretty good selection of high quality papers. Look for something with a \"parchment\" or antiqued/aged look- that\'d be a nice touch. Here are a couple of sites that have the sealing wax and stamps...

    http://www.citycoseals.co.uk/products1.cfm?CATEGORYID=6718
    http://www.collagecatalog.com/c/shopping/prod_detail/main.asp?productID=2498&amp;MainCatID=103&amp;catI D=105&amp;AID=10273720&amp;PID=1259339
    http://www.sensia.com/waxseals.htm

    Just a warning... Some of the seals in the second link are two-toned in color. Those have either been colored with a marker (the ones with dark accents) or the stamp was lightly dipped into colored dust previous to stamping (the metallic ones). I attempted to do the dust thing once, but either I didn\'t have a good quality dust or I just needed more practice b/c it looked awful. In any case, you\'ll want to practice with these before you try to seal your immaculately hand-written poem. She\'ll love it. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Good luck!

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Help with a poem.

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    A nice touch to finish it off would be to either roll it (scroll-like) and tie it with a ribbon &lt;snip&gt; or fold it into a matching envelope and seal it with wax and a stamp of *your* initials.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    Now there are a couple of cracking ideas! I like [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    &lt;takes a bow&gt; Why thank you, dear sir! Please feel free to make any appreciative monetary contributions as you feel inclined. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

  18. #18
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    Default Tip for making wax seals...

    Hey Jon, here\'s a tip I found on the Sensia.com website...

    </font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
    Although a seal can be made directly in place, we highly recommend, especially when you are making a lot of seals, that you make them first on a cookie sheet, aluminum foil or wax paper. The seals can then be easily slid off, and glued in the desired places with any common glue. This way you will not ruin your envelop (or whatever you are making the seal on) if the seal does not come out to your satisfaction. This also allows you to make the seals in advance, and makes it easy to attach ribbons or other embellishments under the seal at the final location.

    <hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

    That\'s a really good idea. There are also some waxes that come in the form of hot glue gun sticks, and although I haven\'t used those, I imagine they\'re easier to use than the traditional wick-sticks (which have to be lit for every use). Anyway, just some more info in case you decide to go the wax seal route. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

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