How do you approach and what do you say?

[WildViper]

Ok, I figured I would start this post to create a reference point for all the possible approaches and lines people have used for the ladies and which ones works the best?

Having the recent threads \"Fear\" and \"One Thing\", I figured this could help a lot of people.

I understand that every situation calls for a different tactic, however, I know that I use a basic approach all the time and add variations to it depending on the situtation.

To make things simpler and avoid people saying....well..it depends...how about we consider three unique situations:

1. Club Scene: In a club, where the 10 girl has noticed you and smiled. - Full of people sweating

2. Mall Scene: Where the girl has given you an indifferent look and she is walking towards you. - Medium Traffic in the mall

3. Party Scene: Where the girl has just stepped in and everyone is blown away by her looks. - Smoking Environment

While we are at it, might as well put the pheros used and what mix in each settings. That is why I have put the environments.

If there has been something like this, mods, please delete this and guide me to it...I have searched to no avail so far.

This should be a fun read..... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[WildViper]

I will be the first one, though I have never used Pheros yet(its in the mail):

Club Scene(CS): I usually establish eye contact once and smile....then go over and say \"Hi, what\'s your name?\" HA(Her Answer, for short), I would say my name and then..\"I have to tell you that I saw you and just couldn\'t help but come and talk to you..you have a very captivating look..Wow!\" and then on to finding out more details about them and what they do. Success rate: about 5-10%..they are 10 you know [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

MS: Usually the same start, except that, I say..\"Just wanted to tell you that you are very pretty\" and then I walk away..like Columbo...and then come back and say..\"Excuse me, but don\'t get me wrong, but I was wondering if we can meet for coffee or lunch sometime?\" and then on to finding out about her. Success Rate: 30-40%

PS: Similar approach again, except that, I usually am not very aggressive at first...just kinda chill..no compliments right away....instead I wait until we are all in a group and talking and something related to her comes up..I then compliment her in the middle of the group...something like \"Wow...you have a great job\" or \"That\'s really cool..I like that\" if she mentions she likes to do something or has just achieved something. Success Rate: 15-20%...I am not pushy here usually.

I am hoping that with Pheros, I can take my percentages up. I may need to change my tack as well...lets see what everyone else says.

[Andy]

Whoo .. gotta get back to the states, you\'d be shot down in seconds if you ever tryed to approach a girl that way over here. The only thing that might work is no.3, I am not able to get into detail now but I\'ll write sumthin\' tomorrow. I am off to get some experience now [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[WildViper]

just bumping...come on everyone...no one wants to share their \"tactics\"??? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[belgareth]

Ok, you asked. I think most of what has been said about meeting women is way off. Consistantly over the last twenty-eight years, I have met lovely women and had many opportunities by just being myself. I said opportunities because I have been married most of that time and don\'t play around.

That said, the bar scene is probably the worst possible place to meet good women. School, libraries, the parks, the gym or dojo, grocery stores, museums etc are all better places to meet women without all the BS games and the competition. In most cases, I\'ll say something funny, not cocky or flip but an ammussing comment about something around us. If I get a smile or a return comment, I\'ll follow up with further mild humor. Sooner or later she will always say something serious and I always ask for more information. One of the biggest mistakes guys make is talking way too much. Encourage her to talk, ask questions and show a real interest while being low key and non-threatening. Make eye contact but not aggressively so. Stay out of her personal space, if she wants you closer, she\'ll let you know. Stay polite and friendly. When you get overly aggressive, she will back off.

When it seems like a good time to end the conversation do so by telling her you enjoyed talking and would like to talk again sometime. Give her your name and phone number, don\'t ask for hers. Instead, after you give her yours, let the silence linger until she speaks. She\'ll either break off or offer you hers. If she gives it to you follow up the next day with a phone call. If she doesn\'t, you haven\'t much chance, write her off.

The guys who chase come across as needy and get led around. If you don\'t seem aggressive, she\'ll be more comfortable and less guarded. If you seem interested but not overly concerned, you become the target. If she is interested, she will chase you.

Overall, the best image is self confidant, comfortable, interested, amussing and easy to talk to. A woman enjoys that attitude and if you stay that way, you\'ll find lots of opportunities to take wonderful women to bed because they want it, not because they feel like you pressured them into it. They\'ll be more responsive and if you are attentive, they\'ll generally be willing for multiple engagements.

[Bubu]

Recently discovered in Stockholm:

You must to have one of thouse halfprofessional or professional photocameras, with big objective.

When You see a girl, You want to approach, take out Your camera, come to her, and say something like:
\"Hi, I am right now (taking the photocourse), (working on photoproject), (making a Youth reportage), (A photoalbum \"Stockholm Unleashed\"), I just wondered, if I can make some live pictures, but You must to act naturally, no-no, just sit with Your friend, (drink Your cofee), do not notice me... bla-bla\"
She wil agree, or not
If she agrees, fine, if not, say that You making picture of just (hands arround coffecup), (her hear as foreground), etc.
Then, make picture (or not..), and ask her, if she wants a copy of this picture.
Here Your pen and paperblock comes in, and You will write her telephone, or talk to her more, discribe what is Your project about, (and You found her as very good photoobject..)

/Bubu

[Sagacious1420]

Bel-

Nice post! Quite insightful. Mind if I quote you and interject some of my own thoughts w/in yours. It\'s not my intention to down-play your contribution, but, rather, to expand upon it. I may have a couple of differing views, but I believe that there may be some compatibility to our individual perspectives. If nothing else, we can have an interesting dialogue. So whaddayasay?

[proteus]

What Belgareth said is what works for me. If you follow that approach your success with the women will improve.

[belgareth]

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Bel-

Nice post! Quite insightful. Mind if I quote you and interject some of my own thoughts w/in yours. It\'s not my intention to down-play your contribution, but, rather, to expand upon it. I may have a couple of differing views, but I believe that there may be some compatibility to our individual perspectives. If nothing else, we can have an interesting dialogue. So whaddayasay?

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Please do. I look forward to it.

[jose]

I don\'t agree with the give her your phone number and not ask for hers tactic. Women are not going to call you no matter what, unless she has very high interest level in you but that\'s going to be rare in a first meeting situation. The best way is to have a pencil and paper with you at all times. Ask for the email first(double your dating) turnaround like you\'re going to leave, then turn back and say put your number on there to. I\'ve tried it a couple times and it works. I don\'t think the bar scene is the best place to meet women so I will skip that. The mall is a better place in my opinion. \"Excuse me where did you get that(necklace, bracelet, perfume)? I\'m sort of looking for something for my sister(or mother). Women would be more inclined to help you in those situations. That\'s when you introduce yourself and start a conversation. Best way to do that is in the store when she\'s browsing around. If you feel everything is going well and she looks interested, do the email phone number track. I met my current girlfriend in the mall when she was purchasing DVD movies, I commented on one of the movies she had on her. And from there we talked, got her phone number and the rest is history.

[belgareth]

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I don\'t agree with the give her your phone number and not ask for hers tactic. Women are not going to call you no matter what, unless she has very high interest level in you but that\'s going to be rare in a first meeting situation. The best way is to have a pencil and paper with you at all times.

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Jose,

Your absolutely right about them calling you. On the other hand, if you haven\'t sold your bill of goods well enough for her to offer you her phone number in return, you\'ve already blown it. My whole approach has always been centered around the idea that I am not going to chase you, you can meet me half way or I am not going to bother.

Having a notebook ready to take down names and addresses at all times is tacky. Use business cards or something similar. Keep up the non-aggressive, non-threatening approach at all times. It pulls down their defenses faster than anything else.

[jose]

Belgareth- I agree with the whole concept of let them chase you if you sold the bill of goods in the first place. Remember this is a first encounter kind of meeting she doesn\'t know you personally so a good first impression is a must. When you come off with the call me with business cards she will either think you\'re a player or you won\'t put up any effort so why should she call you? And what\'s wrong with pencil and Pad, I\'m not a businessman so I don\'t have cards? It works for me.

[CptKipling]

C\'mon guys! You\'ve got it very wrong, except Bel, Andy, jose etc...

Just go up to them and say hi, then play it by ear. Just be yourself! All these \"methods\" are shortcuts, they remove the need to actually use your intiative, so stop being so lazy!

[proteus]

Actually a pretty successful guy with women suggested that this whole \"getting the phone number\" is all wrong, period and I have come to feel that this is true. If you\'re getting along well with a woman you\'ve just met, have good rapport, you know she likes you etc. he suggested right there, while she is with you, make plans for another meeting, for the same day, next day, a couple of days whatever. Could be for coffee, a movie whatever but forget about the number until she has agreed to going out with you. At that point if you feel you need to get a number it should be only because perhaps you need to have a way of contacting her if plans change.

[belgareth]

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Belgareth- I agree with the whole concept of let them chase you if you sold the bill of goods in the first place. Remember this is a first encounter kind of meeting she doesn\'t know you personally so a good first impression is a must. When you come off with the call me with business cards she will either think you\'re a player or you won\'t put up any effort so why should she call you? And what\'s wrong with pencil and Pad, I\'m not a businessman so I don\'t have cards? It works for me.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I don\'t expect her to call me. It\'s a salesman trick that works if you have done the job correctly. If you haven\'t, she will not give you her phone number. When I get a woman\'s phone number, it\'s because she wants me to have it and is looking forward to my calling her.

Business cards are a big part of life for most people, it only shows that you are a professional of some sort. Since I own my business and my cards show me as the president, it is another tool to use. I\'m a good catch.

Paper and pencil can only mean a couple things to a woman, your a player is the one she\'ll most likely choose. I think many women use the philosophy of hope for the best and expect the worst out of most men they meet. Assuming the worst, you carry paper and pencil to collect phone numbers. I am a businessman who always carries business cards. It\'s only natural to give them out, that\'s what they are for.

[jose]

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</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Belgareth- I agree with the whole concept of let them chase you if you sold the bill of goods in the first place. Remember this is a first encounter kind of meeting she doesn\'t know you personally so a good first impression is a must. When you come off with the call me with business cards she will either think you\'re a player or you won\'t put up any effort so why should she call you? And what\'s wrong with pencil and Pad, I\'m not a businessman so I don\'t have cards? It works for me.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I don\'t expect her to call me. It\'s a salesman trick that works if you have done the job correctly. If you haven\'t, she will not give you her phone number. When I get a woman\'s phone number, it\'s because she wants me to have it and is looking forward to my calling her.

Business cards are a big part of life for most people, it only shows that you are a professional of some sort. Since I own my business and my cards show me as the president, it is another tool to use. I\'m a good catch.

Paper and pencil can only mean a couple things to a woman, your a player is the one she\'ll most likely choose. I think many women use the philosophy of hope for the best and expect the worst out of most men they meet. Assuming the worst, you carry paper and pencil to collect phone numbers. I am a businessman who always carries business cards. It\'s only natural to give them out, that\'s what they are for.

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Now I understand it\'s a trick to get her to give you the phone number. Ok you probably taking a big chance on that one women like confident, assertive men. But to each his own. It will be pretty stupid to ask for her number and you have nothing to write on. It\'s just handy to have a pencil and Pad at that moment. Like I said I\'m not a businessman so why pretend that I am one.

[tallmacky]

You know some Vodka may help you in your approach. Did for me.

[belgareth]

Jose,

Not taking any chances at all. Either I did the job right and she wants to hear from me or I screwed up and should write it off. Why waste time chasing somebody who is uninterested?

[belgareth]

It sounds like there may be a philisophical difference here. I believe any dang fool can get laid almost anytime they wish to. For myself, I want the romance, not just sex. Laying in bed laughing or holding hands while walking in the moonlight. Or sitting by the river drinking wine or sipping hot buttered rum by the fire on a cold night. Sex is great but romance is better.

Because of what I am after from a woman, I eliminate far more than most men will. There are not that many women I am willing to spend that kind of time with. Being a ten is not even on my list of priorities.

[WildViper]

bel,

I like your style and I think I will experiment on that. However, I have to admit that, our objectives maybe slightly different....I am not really looking for a relationship.

From here, it seems the consensus is that \"to be yourself\" and do not use tacky lines.

Also, I think carrying a pen and paper may be a bit too drastic as well. These days everyone has cellphones so you can just program it in there. And if she doesn\'t have a cellphone, that would be a good opportunity to see if they are really interested or not....cuz most women carry atleast a pen with them in their purse..see if they will initiate and say..\"oh..heres a pen\".

I have tried the setting up the next \"meeting\" there and then a few times. It has only worked once for me and that too actually a couple of weeks back.

[LatentOne]

Just some quick rambling thoughts....

If you\'re in a bar, you don\'t need a pencil and paper. Just get it from the bar. That being said, bars are meat markets and not really a good place to look for a relationship. Not saying it\'s not possible with someone you meet from a bar but most of the time people are just there to hook-up or have a fun time with their friends. Also, I agree that with the advent of cell phones and how most people carry one today, the pen and paper routine is no longer numero uno. Depends on where and when you meet the person I guess but more cases than not, a cell phone is usually more handy.

Btw, last night with friends at a bar, one of my friends sees this girl all by herself and asks us if he should go up to her and ask her to sit with us. Of course, we all laughed but he did it. He came back empty handed (she said she was \"waiting for someone\") but she did say that it was a thoughtful thing of him to do. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Hey, out of all of us, he\'s the only one that tried at least. Gotta give him credit for that. He opened the door and spawned interest. It was up to her to accept. It was an invitation that was genuine and I think she appreciated the effort and thought put into it instead of some lame pickup line.

On a side note, I also experimented with pheros for the first time last night. Yah, it was only with the weak APC but I just thought I\'d try it out for the fragrance. Other phero stuff coming this week (NPA, SoE, RM). Slowly but surely gonna try most of these things out. Reading archives and backposts still for now! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[belgareth]

Somebody sent this to me in e-mail about this thread and I thought it would be a good point to make:

I get a catalog called Victorian Trading Co. (for the
Hopeless Romantic, it says) that has a beautiful,
beautiful selection of calling cards, pastel colored
card stock with garlands of roses, doves, violets,
what not and so on. VERY girly. ... I\'m having some
printed up to give out at the big parties - people
never carry pen and paper.

Calling cards are a custom we should bring back. You
don\'t have to be in business to have a card to give
out with your name and contact information. Any kind
of civilized person used to have cards.

The last guy I knew of that had calling cards just had
them printed up with \"Barry Smith, Single Guy.\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I
thought it was very clever.

Kinko\'s can print cards up for almost nothing.

[jose]

The point of the Pencil and Pad is that you have it with you and there are no obstacles, what if she doesn\'t have a pen? It\'s just a tool like anything else, a computer pad or your cellphone can work also. She probably didn\'t even keyword your name on that telephone number so shes probably thinking whose number is this on my cellphone? The point again I\'m trying to make is get her phone number not the other way around.

[jose]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Somebody sent this to me in e-mail about this thread and I thought it would be a good point to make:

I get a catalog called Victorian Trading Co. (for the
Hopeless Romantic, it says) that has a beautiful,
beautiful selection of calling cards, pastel colored
card stock with garlands of roses, doves, violets,
what not and so on. VERY girly. ... I\'m having some
printed up to give out at the big parties - people
never carry pen and paper.

Calling cards are a custom we should bring back. You
don\'t have to be in business to have a card to give
out with your name and contact information. Any kind
of civilized person used to have cards.

The last guy I knew of that had calling cards just had
them printed up with \"Barry Smith, Single Guy.\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I
thought it was very clever.

Kinko\'s can print cards up for almost nothing.


<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Now that\'s a good idea as long as you get her number first.

[belgareth]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
The point of the Pencil and Pad is that you have it with you and there are no obstacles, what if she doesn\'t have a pen? It\'s just a tool like anything else, a computer pad or your cellphone can work also. She probably didn\'t even keyword your name on that telephone number so shes probably thinking whose number is this on my cellphone? The point again I\'m trying to make is get her phone number not the other way around.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Jose,

We\'ll never agree on approach. All I can say is my way works for me consistantly. If you have a good track record, great! Otherwise, you would be wise to keep an open mind.

[WildViper]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
She probably didn\'t even keyword your name on that telephone number so shes probably thinking whose number is this on my cellphone? The point again I\'m trying to make is get her phone number not the other way around.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Jose, I am not picking on you btw. However, this point you make is a very good one and in fact, I use this especially to do two things:

1. Ask her how to spell her name if it is different from normal. and
2. Since my name is different..they ask me what it is, or I tell them...and that re-inforces my name in their memory a second time..hopefully to remember next time [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[jose]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />


Jose,

We\'ll never agree on approach. All I can say is my way works for me consistantly. If you have a good track record, great! Otherwise, you would be wise to keep an open mind.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I agree some what but not all.