Beeing to sensitive? "Early erection"-problems!!

[tomcat]

Hello!

To be honest it is really embarrassing to me, but maybe you can help me out with some advice or your own experiences about that matter:

I had not that many sexual experiences yet. I´m 22 years old and I´m a very sensitive guy, rather an emotional person than a logically one.

Hmm... ok: It happens again and again. I fell in love with a really unbelievable endearing girl and we came to the point where we kiss and touch each other. I definitely need tenderness and I enjoy even such little things like lying on the bed embracing each other.

Until now we both wore underwear BUT before meeting my girl I always ask myself if it wouldn´t be better to wear a second pair of shorts, because: I get an erection even if I only touch and kiss my girl intensively or if I massage her feet.

I find things like that such exciting that I even wet my shorts if you know what I mean [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] And I find that very depressing because I cant´t even sleep besides her without that \"syndrome\".
Also I think that mature women like my GF find it really repelling if you get wet on such a low \"threshold\". I wished I could control that.

I tried to masturbate BEFORE meeting my GF and it helps a little bit.

What is this? Am I too sensitive or do I just have get used to such sexual excitement?

Please guys give me some advice, because I really find this beeing a big problem for me!! Do find women find this repelling?

I feel like a little boy [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[CptKipling]

It just means your horny.

One question though, your girlfriend is CRRUUEL letting you sleep next to her with an erection! She should be dealing with it!

I dont think it\'s repelling, i think it will only be an issue if you make it one.

[Andy]

Nuthin\' wron\' wit dat [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

I never met a girl that was repelled by a man that got a hard on because of her. (This excludes exhibitonist that show off) In fact most girls will get excited by a hardon on smbd they like.

Just my 2 (s)cents

[elvido]

Yeah, don\'t be scared to hide the fact that your sexual. In fact it\'s a fcuking compliment to the girl.

[Tim]

By \"wet\" do you mean actual ejaculation or just pre-cum? If he\'s actually ejaculating without sexual activity, I\'d say that\'s a problem...

[nonscents]

I also think that he\'s ejaculating from being next to her.

Before we can help, we need to know if that\'s what\'s happening.

[Andy]

Whatever it is I think his main problem is his own sexuality. Don\'t be afraid of what you are and what you want and last not least don\'t be afraid of the reactions you receive from your body.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Is he a Quaker??

[penguinpoop]

Hey Tom, this happens to me as well, only I don\'t consider it a problem I consider it a blessing. Being able to get an instant erection is bound to solve a lot of sexual problems when you are older and possibly married. I could tell you what those problems are but I\'ll leave you to figure out that one for yourself

[tomcat]

Hi all, thank you very much for your answers so far !!

Ok, I should clarify this a little more:

If just beeing near to my girl and kissing and touching I don´t get a full errection and I don´t have a full ejaculation. But it turns me that very hot that I get a \"60% hard one\" and a kind of pre ejaculation (\"pre cum\" like you call that).

Bye the way: we didn´t have sex yet - I know her for only about 3 weeks now...

Hope this helps to understand it better...

[Gerund]

Your physical response to your girl sounds very, very normal.

But to answer the main question that I think troubles you -- will she be \"repelled\" by your erection and precum?

She shouldn\'t be bothered by it. The women on this forum can correct me if I\'m wrong, but I believe the vast majority of women would simply feel that they must be sexy and desirable to provoke that physical response in you.

If she has real affection for you, she very likely would feel that it\'s simply a compliment to her attractiveness.

[Elana]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
The women on this forum can correct me if I\'m wrong, but I believe the vast majority of women would simply feel that they must be sexy and desirable to provoke that physical response in you.


<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

It\'s a tremendous turn on. I would be hurt/surprised if the guy wasn\'t hard while he was kissing/playing around with me.

[nonscents]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Until now we both wore underwear BUT before meeting my girl I always ask myself if it wouldn´t be better to wear a second pair of shorts, because: I get an erection even if I only touch and kiss my girl intensively or if I massage her feet.

I find things like that such exciting that I even wet my shorts if you know what I mean And I find that very depressing because I cant´t even sleep besides her without that \"syndrome\".
Also I think that mature women like my GF find it really repelling if you get wet on such a low \"threshold\". I wished I could control that.


<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

OK, so here are the issues that bother you:

1. You get an erection from touching her body or kissing her.
That\'s fine. All healthy normal women expect men to get erections when the couple is doing romantic things. Men even get erections just thinking about women. This is good. If you don\'t get erections, then you have a problem.

2. You get some precum when you are close to her.
Again, that\'s fine. She wouldn\'t know that you are producing precum unless you are at least partially disrobed. If you were fully dressed, she might see or feel your erection, but not your precum. If you are leaking precum when you are in your underwear with her that\'s OK. That\'s why women hang out with guys who are only in their underwear (exceptions: medical situations, underwear photo shoots).

An unstated but possible third problem is: if I am precumming when we\'re both in our underwear won\'t I shoot my load before we ever get to intercourse?

I don\'t know you. Have you ever been with a naked girl before? It takes some practice. How experienced is she? You might want to get the book ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm. It could teach you a few tricks.

[Andy]

What\'s wrong with precum ? I don\'t know about you but I produce precum in seconds after having a hard on.

[Elana]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
What\'s wrong with precum ? I don\'t know about you but I produce precum in seconds after having a hard on.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

drool [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[nonscents]

Precum\'s great stuff. But our friend seems to have some concerns and I am trying to tease out exactly what they are.

[Whitehall]

You can dampen your arousal rate by taking 5-HTP before a date. That increases your serotoin levels and makes you less prone to pre-mature ejaculation and should make you a bit slower to arouse.

I\'ve used it when I\'m grumpy and it does slow things down a bit, besides making one less irriatible.

Pre-cum is just nature\'s way of maximizing your chances of conception even when you might not get a full set of strokes in. It\'s more prevalent in younger guys.

If the girl is just teasing, your body will try to counter-move and what you\'re experiencing are those moves.

Get yourself a girlfriend who really wants to do it.

[Mtnjim]

You\'re 22 and with a nearly naked girl. What\'s the problem? Sounds normal to me!!

[tomcat]

Hi all!

Again a big thank you for all your answers.

Good to know that seemingly women aren´t repelled by a little precum.

Well, it is not the case that I can´t enjoy the rest of the evening when this
happens - but when we are playing around for about an hour I sometimes
wish to get out on the toilett to dry my shorts because it feels displeasing
cold and wet.

It makes me thought-provoking and I think that is it what you want to tell me
with yout posts: I shouldn´t care that much...

I also have to work on very related obsessive things.
For example before meeting her I always think that I must have a shower, must be
shaved perfectly, must have this perfect and that good enough otherwise I couldn´t
be good enough her...

So I know this is (the rest of a - even if there are major problems left) inferiority complex
that I have to manage.

I should:

- be more relaxed, relaxed, relaxed - if she wants me she has to accept me like I am naturally
- not care about wet underwear because this is part of the \"game\"
- switch my fu..ing brain off and enjoy [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
- \"your idea here\"...

Thanks Whitehall! But I don´t want to take \"medicine\". I think I should accept it and work on my
mental attitude instead...

Thanks nonscents! Yes I´ve been with a naked girl a few times before but I couldn´t relax and enjoy
because I was too nervous (mental blockade). So I would call me a beginner concerning that
matter.

Another thing is that my GF is very, very experienced compared to me and therefore I´ve
got lots of respect of her. But until now she told me she never met a guy that was that tenderly
(This concerns kissing and touching).

But if it comes to sex she only might know the hardcore kind,
because her recent boyfriends were treating her more like a piece of meat than a lady (they
wanted nothing more than mechanical sex).

So on the one hand I have a little fear that I cannot cope with her expectations.
On the other hand it is (hopefully) not necessarily that she expects me to do like her \"forerunners\".
I see a big chance that she wants me to go on that \"gentle\" way because she really enjoys it.

What kind of tricks do you mean?

Thank you all, I really appreciate your posts!

[DaVinciKittie]

Hey Tomcat.

Here\'s my 2 cents. You\'re obviously nervous about being with this girl, probably a combination of the fact that you really like her and you have much less experience than her (compounded by the fact that you have *no* experience to speak of with actual intercourse). Have you talked to her about this (your experience level)? If not, you really should. Women like communication, and I sure as hell know *I\'d* like to know if the guy I\'m with is a virgin. First, of all this is going to put her mind to rest about the possibility of getting an STD from you, and as unromantic as that sounds, it\'s a big deal to me. Second, if she knows how far you\'ve been, she\'ll know when she should step in and *show* you what she wants- she won\'t automatically expect it of you and then be disappointed when you don\'t know what to do (or are hesitant to try).

It sounds as if this girl is really impressed by the fact that you aren\'t pressing her for sex. That\'s your edge- don\'t lose it by pressuring her. Let her show *you* when she\'s ready to go further (again, she\'ll be more likely to do this if she knows your situation). If she knows how it is, she\'s not going to expect you to be some stallion in bed. Here\'s a tip though. *BE CONFIDANT*. This was on another thread, so I won\'t rehash it here, but the gist was- you can\'t just pretend. You\'re shorting yourself, man. Nobody was born a perfect lover (no comments from Mobley please). Just be confidant in who you are and accept this new experience with as little trepidation as possible. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

To add to what the other ladies (and guys) have said, it *IS* a compliment when a girl knows she turns a guy on. The easier you get a hard on, the better we feel. If she\'s been with a couple guys already, she\'s not gonna be embarrased or disgusted by some precum- that\'s a good sign!

Sounds to me like you\'re on the right path here. You\'re getting some good advice in this thread, so just consider everything you\'ve read and be yourself. You can\'t go wrong with that. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Ok, I so wish I could write some brilliant piece of advice here, but the fact is, the thought of a tender lover and all that precum sent butterflies straight up my stomach and made me SO wet I got completely distracted and it\'s hard to type when your eyes are rolling back in your head... whew.

A guy who\'s hard and wet is exactly what I want to see. THAT excited and still tender and romantic. Oh, baby. It\'s gonna be a long night. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I can\'t think of anything that makes me happier.

You\'re too hard on yourself with the thing about wanting to have a shower, have your shave just right, etc. That\'s just nerves and that\'s natural, I wouldn\'t say you had any kind of a complex much less an inferity complex. You\'re stepping out into the great unknown and about to embark on one of life\'s best adventures. Why shouldn\'t you be a little nervous.

And definitely yeah, what DVK said.
And this - what would happen if, while you were kissing and touching, if you were hard and wet, you just took her hand and put it there so she could feel it?

I think she needs to know what you\'re going through. If she\'s that unaware, she might not be as experienced as you think she is.

But at any rate, I think she would be sympathetic to the problem. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Be proud of your erection and proud of your precum. Those are good things.

[tomcat]

Wow!! I really didn´t expect such extensive and reassuring replies, thank you!!

Ok, here are some final thoughts about it:

No, I didn´t tell her about my low experience level. I think she expects me to be more experienced than I
actually am, but she can see and feel that my kind is not dominant and active but more passively and hesitant.

I think she already senses that I´m relatively inexperienced, so should I really talk to her about that?
(but the reasons make sense...)

Normally I like communication between us but in this case I fear the consequence (that hopefully won´t
show up) that she won´t feel comfortable about beeing together with a \"fresh water guy\" like me.

(Many women want men that already have \"sown one\'s wild oats\" so that they won´t run away after
having sex a couple of times arguing \"I need to try someone else - I don´t want to stick with my first
experience...\") By the way: I don´t think so... She is the same age than me (22) but more mature than
her age...

What is an \"STD\"? A broken down erection? (I´m not familiar with american abbreviations...)

How can it be my edge that I´m not pressing her for sex?

FTR wrote: \"And this - what would happen if, while you were kissing and touching, if you were hard and wet, you just took her hand and put it there so she could feel it?\"

What would happen??? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[Elana]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />

What is an \"STD\"?

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Sexually transmitted disease

[Andy]

Damn ... it\'s really not \"Super Titted Dolly\" ?

[Elana]

Nor is it Sexy tall dicks

[Andy]

How about \"Sexual Target Destination\" ?

[**DONOTDELETE**]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Wow!! I really didn´t expect such extensive and reassuring replies, thank you!!

Ok, here are some final thoughts about it:

No, I didn´t tell her about my low experience level. I think she expects me to be more experienced than I
actually am, but she can see and feel that my kind is not dominant and active but more passively and hesitant.

I think she already senses that I´m relatively inexperienced, so should I really talk to her about that?
(but the reasons make sense...)

Normally I like communication between us but in this case I fear the consequence (that hopefully won´t
show up) that she won´t feel comfortable about beeing together with a \"fresh water guy\" like me.

(Many women want men that already have \"sown one\'s wild oats\" so that they won´t run away after
having sex a couple of times arguing \"I need to try someone else - I don´t want to stick with my first
experience...\") By the way: I don´t think so... She is the same age than me (22) but more mature than
her age...

What is an \"STD\"? A broken down erection? (I´m not familiar with american abbreviations...)

How can it be my edge that I´m not pressing her for sex?

FTR wrote: \"And this - what would happen if, while you were kissing and touching, if you were hard and wet, you just took her hand and put it there so she could feel it?\"

What would happen??? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]




<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

Tell her. Talk to her some about your experience level. I say this because otherwise you\'re at this Mexican standoff, where she is waiting for you and you are waiting for her, and nothing is moving forward. Ask her for a little assistance. Trust me, you will get the hang of this in no time flat. A little practice and you\'ll be running things. She just needs to give it a push start for you.

The thing about \"I\'ve had this one, now I want a different one\" is what some men do anyway. That has nothing at all to do with experience level. So that should not be a concern.

What would happen? What would happen is I think she would be very excited if you took her hand and put it on your erection. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] And maybe be motivated to do something about it.

If you\'re not comfortable talking, you can certainly use body language like that to help things along. (although of course that also takes some screwing up your courage when you\'re new to it all).

[Sexyredhead]

*sigh* I love it when my Soup boy puts my hand on his erection. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[Elana]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
*sigh* I love it when my Soup boy puts my hand on his erection. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

That\'s when I prefer a cream based soup

[**DONOTDELETE**]

That\'s when I like Chinese soup:

Cream of Sum Yung Gi