I invite your considered opinion, please.

[belgareth]

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If the husband doesn\'t sexually satisfy his wife, she can always find a guy to impregnate her. That leaves the husband as the loser since he is still on the hook for supporting the other man\'s child barring discovery.

I think Lucky hit on a motivation for some women (one I know personally) - power.

In either case, the withholder of sex is a fool for not trying to satisfy their spouse.

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Whitehall,

For a change, we are on the same page on this one. Replacing wifely duty with FTR\'s terms, You are right on the money.

[MOBLEYC57]

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You\'d be surprised at how many men refuse their wives sex. It happens.

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Can I get some phone numbers!!? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

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You know, I\'m beginning to think it\'s a power *thing*. Control freaks...what jerks.

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Oh, I was definitely being punished ... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[tallmacky]

This thing is at 10 pages, that\'s long for just a question, I don\'t think I have to ask if you are involved with this guy as it seems obvious, if I am wrong shot me down.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

1. None of your business.

2. It\'s irrelevant to the question.

Please don\'t ask me that again, Tallmacky.

[DrSmellThis]

First, a little moral philosophy.

\"Duty\" doesn\'t morally compel us as some rule, that attaches from the outside. in a controlling, enslaving way. The monkey will rip that bell-hop suit right off, and the organ grinder will be grinding his organ solo. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

It becomes a \"should\" for us as a general conclusion from mutual life stories. A pragmatic reason binds us. Otherwise no one could give a good reason why we should do \"our duty\".

So \"duty\" here might mean the following, in part:

Most all guys go into a relationship \"pumping\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] a lot of sexual energy into it. They are most often the \"sparkplugs\" . (Just biological tendency, not a rule). The woman has an opportunity to use that energy to cement and deepen the intimacy. If she wants the relationship to last, grow, and be happy, she shouldn\'t squander that opportunity. That would be self-defeating. Prudishness, to control things or whatever, wouldn\'t make sense, if that\'s her value.

So take an emotional risk, momma, and commit to some hot sexual intimacy! Keep that dipstick well-oiled, pump it full of premium before the tank gets half empty; and you\'ll be hummin\' for a very long time. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Don\'t make a duty in your pants! (Insert your own \"cheezy\" puns here. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img])

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Capricorns and Myers-Briggs ISTJ\'s naturally think in terms of \"shoulds\" and \"duty,\" and that is often their prime consideration in decision making and their prime motivating factor. ... and thank god for people who think in terms of \"shoulds\" and \"duty.\" Sometimes it\'s necessary, even if harsh.

I think that men do not appreciate that going without any intimacy in the relationship, all the girl stuff, talking, holding hands, giving compliments, etc. - without that, to then want sex and wonder why the woman is not primed and ready ... it just doesn\'t work in most cases. We don\'t shift gears that fast, and everything is connected to everything else, whereas men compartmentalize.

I remember saying to a guy I was dating a couple of years back, \"You sure don\'t act like someone who wants a blow job ...\" half teasing - he was being jerk-ish - and he didn\'t understand what I meant. He didn\'t get that how he was acting on the date would determine what would happen afterward. \"I never connected the two\" is what he said.

I think that\'s true in a lot of cases. I\'m not male bashing, just speaking from my own experience, making an observation about the differences between the way males and females view things. The guy doesn\'t realize that because he\'s been busy and preoccupied, hasn\'t made an \"I love you\" phone call in forever, or really looked her in the eyes, or spoken to her about anything not business related (kid car pooling, what to pick up from the store, kind of thing), to then expect her to just be in the mood spontaneously when he feels like it for sex is highly unrealistic.

Of course, I know there are men who do all the things they think their women need to keep them feeling emotionally connected, and that doesn\'t work either.

Relationships are difficult at best.

[Whitehall]

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Of course, I know there are men who do all the things they think their women need to keep them feeling emotionally connected, and that doesn\'t work either.

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I remember bringing home flowers for the misses one evening and being commanded rather curtly that \"Next time you bring home flowers, YOU put them in a vase.\"

Duty is that expectation that if I live my life to my expectations of what is fair and expected of me then other people will also do their duty. The intent is that there are social standards of behavior - some are negotiated but many are what Kant would call \"Moral Imperatives.\" These come from the heart and are universal.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Perhaps there are issues about housekeeping. Some men believe that because they work outside the home and the woman doesn\'t, they should be waited on hand and foot or should not have to pick up after themselves. Her remark just tells me she\'s angry way past the point that flowers would help.

We\'re talking about marital obligations, but ... when things have turned to cold war, and if it\'s just going through the motions ... it really doesn\'t even help much, I mean, would it? if she did it just to please you. I doubt you\'d get much out of it.