BITS AND PIECES

[MOBLEYC57]

1) What is a KISS? It\'s an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.

2) Latest Statistics: What men do after sex?

2% eat.
3% smoke cigarettes.
4% take showers.
5% go to sleep.
86% get up and go back home to their wives.

3) Why is a penis better than a credit card?

1. Once spent recharges itself.
2. It is accepted worldwide.
3. You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

4) LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor\'s son has a penis like a peanut!

MOTHER: You mean it\'s that small?

LITTLE GIRL: No it\'s that salty!!!

5) A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

6) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?

MAN: No,I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.

7) Women top 5 lies:

5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can\'t do that to my best friend.
2. I won\'t gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!

8) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She says: What is that? He says: We go home, screw, and then you disappear.

9) What is the closest thing to a woman\'s period?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn\'t come, you are F*CKED!!!

10) Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs...because everynight I see my mom\'s legs up high and screaming \"OH GOD! OH GOD! I\'M COMING!!\"

11) Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?

Pupil: Because I heard my sister\'s boyfriend say \"TONIGHT I\'M GONNA EAT YOUR PUSSY FOR YOU.\"

12) What\'s the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??

Answer: When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTIES... IT\'S SHOWTIME.

13) AGES OF VAGINA:

-16 to 19 BRAND NEW.

-20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED

-29 TO 36 SECOND HAND

-37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR

-46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION

-56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK

-61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!

14) MOM: Didn\'t I tell you if stranger touches your breast say \"DON\'T.\" And if he touches your pussy say STOP!

GIRL: But mom, he touched both, so I kept telling him PLEASE DON\'T STOP!!!!\"

15) GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES

9 INCHES - Oh Sh#t, pain!!

7 INCHES - Oh, I\'m in heaven

6 INCHES - OH PERFECT

5 INCHES - UMMMM OK

4 INCHES - PUSH MORE

3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???

2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!

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[seadove]

Here\'s my bit for your thread: [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Sam approached a very beautiful woman in the Walmart and said, \"I lost my wife here in the Super Walmart Super Center. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?\" The woman looked puzzled. \"Why talk to me?\" she asked. \"Because every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere.\"

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