Walmart Job Application

[Briela]

This is an actual job application that a 17-Year old boy submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person

DESIRED POSITION: Company\'s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever\'s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn\'t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz severance package. If that\'s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I\'m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they\'re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, wouldn\'t I be there?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be \"Do you have a car that runs?\"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITIONS?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I\'m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I\'d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

[seadove]

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SIGN HERE: Aries.


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This guy sounds like me. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

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SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person


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OR

SEX: Not worth mentioning !(As would Al Bundy\'s wife say, from the TV play \"Married With Children\".

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[nonscents]

Hey Briela, is that a full member you\'ve got or are you excited to see me! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Briela]

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Hey Briela, is that a full member you\'ve got or are you excited to see me! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I hadn\'t even noticed!

But whatever the impetus, I\'m always happy to see you nonscents. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[nonscents]

That\'s the difference between women and guys. Our member gets full and we want to do something about it. A woman\'s member gets full and she doesn\'t notice. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Well, see, that\'s why we need you men, to point it out to us.

[nonscents]

Oh boy! Does that mean I\'m apppointed inspector of women\'s full members! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Now, there\'s an idea!

[nonscents]

OK. Line \'em up and spread \'em! Be sure to say cheese when the flash goes off. No need to remove the smegma before posing.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

smegma?

[nonscents]

So glad you asked! Being circumcised, I don\'t have any on me now to show you. But it\'s the toejam that accumulates inside the foreskin. Nice source of \'mones. Kind of like dick cheese, I would think, for an oral cock worshipper like yourself. Anyway, I recently learned that women too have smegma under their clitoral hood. Never saw it on a woman, but I guess I wasn\'t looking hard enough. I guess I\'ll add that to my job description as inspector of females\' full members.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I\'ve never seen that on me or anyone else.

Thank god for small favors.

[nonscents]

FTR, admit it, you\'re in denial! You don\'t realize all humans are bi and now you are denying an obvious truism: all clitorises exude smegma! Just because no one\'s ever seen it, tasted it, or touched it, you are going to deny it exists! I am going to start ignoring your posts!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Oh, good.

Wow. Lots of little favors to be thankful for today. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Briela]

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I\'ve never seen that on me or anyone else.

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I agree with FTR on this one! Smegma is definitely a testosterone related item. It\'s probably like bellybutton lint... another phenomenon that only men seem to exhibit.


Nonscents, when did you become such an learned expert on clitorises? Did you complete an advanced degree program? I want to see proof. Pull out your certificate! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

\"Smegma\" -- it sounds like an orc name out of Tolkein.

[Briela]

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\"Smegma\" -- it sounds like an orc name out of Tolkein.

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\"> [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] True!

Reminds me of \"smeg-ups\". It\'s a term from an obscure English scifi/comedy television show that my brother watched. It means f***-ups.

[xxxPantero]

1) I love Tolkien
2) I have smegma
3) I have bellybutton lint

Yes, this damn smegma is the bane of my penis. It smells a little funky after a while. Smegma is what contributes to the fish smell of the female genitals and the fishy/eggy smell of the males. Mine doesn\'t smell like eggs, just fish/caesar salad dressing. Seriously, you\'d think this is funny, but it does kill the moment of a nice blowjob when i have to say, \"Hold on, lemme go wash my dick head\".

Anyway, I\'ve been looking for a way to cut back on smegma production, but I don\'t want to get circumcised, because I like the sensitivity of my dick head.

Any tips anyone?

[nonscents]

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\"Smegma\" -- it sounds like an orc name out of Tolkein.

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FTR, you\'re pretty close. I learned the word when I was in high school and would read the sophisticated journal National Lampoon. The cartoonist Gahan Wilson would do these drawings of a mad scientist with a twisted lab assistant who should have been named Igor, but was instead called Smegma. \"What an interesting name,\" thought I, and I looked it up. The rest is history.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Ok, this conversation is about on the level of farts and boogers....

[nonscents]

No, this is the science of attaction. Smegma is a source of pheromones. And I bet there are women out there who have smegma. Let\'s not scare them away. They could tell us about their smegma, the uncut guys could tell us about their smegma and then we can all compare notes! I can\'t think of anything more fun!!

[upsidedown]

Why don\'t you start a seperate thread for \"smegma talk?\" That way you\'ll get your target audience on that thread, and those of us who are coming here to read about \"Wal-Mart humor\" won\'t have to hear about it! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

People who bathe regularly do not have smegma, I would wager.

[EXIT63]

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People who bathe regularly do not have smegma, I would wager.



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I concur. And they don\'t work at wal-mart either!