Axis of Evil Wannabees- by John Cleese

[seadove]

For those who don\'t know, John Cleese is an outstanding British comedian.


Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the \"Axis of Evil\", Libya, China and Syria announced that they had formed the \"Axis of Just as Evil\", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. \"Right. They are just as evil .... in their dreams!\" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. \"Everybody knows we\'re the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we\'re the best.\"

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. \"They told us it was full,\" said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. \"An axis can\'t have more than three countries\", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. \"This is not my rule, it\'s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.\"

International reaction to Bush\'s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the \"Axis of Somewhat Evil\", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the \"Axis of Occasionally Evil\", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the \"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable\". With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the \"Axis of Countries That Aren\'t the Worst But Certainly Won\'t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.\"

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the \"Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America\", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the \"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick\". \"That\'s not a threat, really, just something we like to do\", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren\'t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the \"Axis of Countries Whose Names End in \'Guay\", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn\'t want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that\'s only because no one asked them.

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[frenchie]

John Cleese ! I love the Monty Python Flying Circus... :-)

[seadove]

by John Cleese

JOHN CLEESE is not just the most spiritually advanced, intellectually gifted and professionally distinguished of the Monty Python group. He is also the one who got landed with writing these f*cking biographies. Twenty five minutes to midnight, and he\'s still sitting there, poor sod, staring into space, trying to think what he can write about himself, dog tired and he hasn\'t even had time for dinner. So give me a break.

I\'ve got a script conference at nine in the morning. I\'ve got to write an intro to a book by five in the afternoon, a press conference at five-thirty and dinner with four of the dullest people in Europe after that, and then up at six-thirty the next morning for seven days\' filming on the trot. So let me off just this once, will you? I really would appreciate it. I\'ll make myself a cup of Horlicks and go straight to bed. Promise. I\'m not the sort to give you an excuse like this and then nip out after a bit of tail. Honest. OK? Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Mr. Cleese is happily unmarried and is the President of the Holland Park Schadenfreude Society.

PS

Did they stop manufacturing Horlicks?

[Aethershot]

lol, I love John Cleese. Monty Python and the Holy Grail was just pure genius...