Online guides to giving compliments and flattery?

[bsxs]

I\'d like to learn more about compliments and flattery. Girls think I\'m attractive and incredibly funny. Now the thing is I need to learn how to give compliments. I\'ve always been uncomfortable about giving them, and when I do, it\'s usually forced. I am a little insecure when I give them.

Are there any online guides or ebooks that can give details about flattery and \'sucking up\' and stuff, lol.

[Elana]

If you are being sincere about the compliment, then it should not be uncomfortable. Are you just saying things to sound nice or are you really being genuine?

[bsxs]

That\'s a pretty good point. Compliment only when based if its genuine. Sometimes I do it to gain brownie points though.

[bsxs]

Some say however that flattery will get you everywhere. I want to learn how to suck up to get where I want. You know what I mean, charm.

[Elana]

You really do love that junk food. Now you want to earn points for brownies? [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

[bsxs]

Lol, oooh I am becoming greedy now. Well I kinda want girls to think like \'aww hes so sweet\' and stuff of me. I want to learn how to gain that type of response.

[Elana]

<<Some say however that flattery will get you everywhere. I want to learn how to suck up to get where I want. You know what I mean, charm. >>

Sucking up is cheesy...not charming. Intelligent women can sense lines and disingenuous men a mile away

[bsxs]

Well that\'s true. Good point. I want to learn how to be \'sweet\' though.

[trejoe]

I agree with them if you mean what you say then you should not fill weird but try this look in a mirror and try giving compliments to yourself. Builds Lots of selfasteam.

[Elana]

<<I want to learn how to be \'sweet\' though.>>

Sweet is nice. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
More junk food talk lol

[bsxs]

Lol all flattery can be related to junk food. It can be really \'cheesy\'. There must be some online guide to getting a response like \'aww youre so sweet\'.

[CJ01]

Yep Elena´s right. And you know what there´s nothing worse than unsincere flattery. You may as well just insult them straight out because that´s what such bs lines come across as. Better off saying nothing at all.

Sucking up sucks!!! Charm is something very particular you either got it or you don´t.
And some people find one person charming others find that that person has none at all. So just be yourself, have good manners and you´ll be okay.
CJ [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[belgareth]

bsxs:

Some of my thoughts here are going to sound old fashioned and probably are. Others in the forum have called me a wimp and a wus for them but I do get regular compliments from females and have never lacked for attractive partners with my behavoir. It used to be called chivalry, I call it being a gentleman. In short, treat a lady like a lady and always make sure your behavoir is above reproach in public.

For example, hold a door or a chair, watch your language and keep your word. Use please and thank you frequently and express appreciation. If you want to compliment somebody, make it sincere and do it with a smile. If you notice that she has changed her hairstyle, ask her about it and if you like it, tell her so. Same with clothes or anything else. Don\'t ever make up a reason to compliment somebody, you can almost always find a real reason to say something nice. One of the highest compliments you can pay somebody is to ask their opinion or how they do something. \"I loved the way you did ... Can you show me how?\" Or \"What did you think about...?\" But be sure you mean it!

None of this means you need to or want to be a push-over. Make your own decisions on what is right and wrong and stick to them unless you are presented with a good reason to do otherwise. Don\'t do anything because somebody else thinks it\'s the thing to do. Be your own person at all times. It takes time to really develop the right attitude, but in the long run, you will not lack for good friends and great relationships.

[cuddlebear]

I\'m curious, who called you a wimp for having that opinion? I can\'t say my public behavior is always beyond reproach, but I do consistently hold doors open for ladies, and if that makes me a wimp, then, whatever, I\'m a wimp. I\'ve been called worse. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Cuddles

[EXIT63]

If you really want to impress a girl. BANG HER BRAINS OUT. She\'ll love you for it and you don\'t have to be a brown noser. Which by the way will get you no where. Except stuck in the LJBF zone.

[belgareth]

It\'s been quite a while now. I don\'t even remember who it was. We were debating how to treat women and I kept trying to make the point that women should be treated with proper respect. Others were denigrating them.

[belgareth]

If you say so. My way has always worked well for me.

[EXIT63]

Hey, whatever floats your boat!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Irish]

Early on, make your compliments:

In a casual tone of voice, like you\'re commenting on the weather
Observe something unusual or unique about her dress, style, etc - nothing too personal right off. Make it something nobody else has likely ever noticed
ALWAYS follow immediately with a question, to avoid an awkward reaction.
Don\'t think about yourself at all - truly focus 100% on her.

Example: That\'s a beautiful bracelet - very unusual. It matches your outfit so well. Where did you get it?

Now she will answer you instead of freezing up. Have a followup compliment/question in mind after she finishes talking. Keep this up as long as she reacts well.

If she responds well to flattery you can become more and more personal - just keep going deeper with it. If she doesn\'t respond well (rare) just go back to ordinary conversation like it never happened. Try again at a later meeting - eventually she\'ll come around when she knows you better (unless you\'re a complete doofus).

When you get comfortable with flattery, and good at reading a girl beforehand, you can devastate a woman\'s defenses with observant, extravagant flattery. The trick is not to be self-conscious, not gushy emotional or sentimental, and determined to keep pounding the wall of defense until it crumbles. In an ideal situation she will be denying your compliments (out of a hopeless attemt not to appear vain), at which point you will be \'arguing\' with her about how beautiful she is. I\'ve learned to recognize that fleeting smile that lets me know she\'s melting under the \'pressure\'.

Every man should have flattery in his arsenal - it\'s just too effective to overlook.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Women want the two C\'s: compliments, and cunnilingus.

Listen to Irish, he\'s exactly on target.

Your objective should be to make her feel that, TO YOU, she is especially desirable. That you and only you could maybe truly appreciate her unique self. That\'s the objective of the compliment. If you can convince her via compliments and the way you treat her, that you recognize she is the only She in the world and just your cup of tea, you\'re in.

[camusflage]

Damn! You beat me to the punch on this one. Focus on something that sticks out (positive, not negative fellas), and get her talking about it. Learn and use the art of reading responses to figure out whether she\'s liking it/you or not.

At the heart, people like talking about themselves. I know I\'m going to butcher it, but I saw a quote once that the most brilliant conversationalist is one who lets their partner talk about themself. Even people who are ordinarily quiet and reserved will open up dramatically if you get them talking about things they enjoy or are important to them. Use that unique thing about them as the crack in the wall to get in.

Speaking for myself, I always have something that can be a conversation point. Typically, it\'s a tie. Today, for example, I\'m wearing a green shirt with a matching Gumby tie. My watch is a very distinctive piece, one that has garnered many compliments over the years.

[CJ01]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

WHO called you a WIMP???
I´m such a sucker for a real gentleman. Unfortunately chivalry is not even in most mens vocab anymore. Irrespective of the age group I´ve found [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]
But that´s exactly what most women, no matter what age want.

You´re right not to care about what whoever says because you´re right and they just don´t get it! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] CJ

[bjf]

alot of compliments women know are BS. Especially when you tell them you like an article of clothing. As if you really do. let\'s face it, you just like what\'s under the clothing. A woman who knows whats up knows this an won\'t be impressed with u. Don\'t make compliments unless something actually occurs to you that is not phony bologny. That won\'t happen very often. If u think she looks hot, go ahead and tell her. But cut the crap. It shifts all power to her, makes u look full of it.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yes, that kind of insincerity just means you want to get laid, but not specifically and in particular by her. The \"specifically and in particular\" is the key. That\'s why your compliment should be genuine and specific. For example, it\'s a turn off to hear from a guy that he loves redheads. He\'s just lumped me into a category and let me know that I\'m as good to him as any other redhead, we\'re fungible. Complete turn off. If, however, he smiles at me when we\'re out together walking and tells me the color of my hair is so beautiful when the sun hits it, I\'m starting to think about which lingerie set I\'m gonna wear with him.

[Irish]

You\'re absolutely right that compliments can\'t be phony (unless the girl is stupid or desperate for praise). That\'s why you have to be truly perceptive and truly focused on the girl - your compliments have to be honest. I disagree though that it\'s hard to actually find something praiseworthy about women. Almost every female goes to great effort to make herself look good when out in public - just appreciate what she\'s done, especially if it reflects her own personal style. That\'s your starting point. Masters of flattery quickly move toward psychological perceptions, the kind of thing FTRH pointed out that show you truly appreciate her unique feminine presence.

Guys that are uncomfortable giving praise are usually focused more on themselves and how they come across - a sure unconscious signal that you are self-absorbed and therefore lack confidence with others. Put yourself out of your own mind, and truly look into her soul - she\'ll never forget those things you say to her (so I\'ve been told by women I complimented years ago).

Every situation, every person, has positives and negatives. Why not focus on her positives, and let her know about it. Leave it to others to be the critical ones (heaven knows there\'s plenty of those types to tell us what\'s wrong with ourselves). It\'s fun and easy - make it your job to make her honestly feel good about herself. You will be amply rewarded, believe me. And you will be known as a positive person to be around - women will seek you out. No one really enjoys the company of a self-absorbed critical loner, do they? So become the opposite - or at least choose th keep the dark side to yourself when chasing girls.

[bjf]

yea, i guess the key is how to look sincere while being insincere. Cause lets face it, most women are in a big group to men. Having a penis is a blessing and a curse. You crave so many women, and therefore and likely to very often now get what you want. And, of course, you have to try and BS your way into a woman\'s pants. It is not a joyful thing, at least the ideals behind it. But your body sends you other messages.

Just as few men are unique to women, few women are unique to men. The only different is that we don\'t need emotion to be attracted to someone, while women more so do.

[bjf]

being able to give truely unique compliments involves some time of discovering what is truly unique about her, and i think the post may have been about compliments on the pickup scene as well. I think it is hard to be give honest compliments in that setting. Yes women spend a lot of time making themselves up, so just say \"you look beautiful\", because that is honest. Why the fancy shmancy stuff? That just comes off like you are trying to hide what you really think -- that she looks hot -- so just say that.

[Irish]

Every hot girl hears that she\'s hot all the time, and she knows it if she owns a mirror. I\'m saying it\'s possible to get pretty deep inside a girl\'s head, and perceive more than what\'s on the surface, pretty damn quick if you\'re a good conversationalist and with a little practice. It will seem like \'magic\' to her, and you will seem unique in her eyes, because mostly people are too preoccupied with themselves to notice much about athers.

It does take a little work - I\'m just saying for those that can do it there are lots of rewards.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

bjf, men are unique to women. I wish to hell they weren\'t sometimes. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

\"Why the fancy shmancy stuff? That just comes off like you are trying to hide what you really think -- that she looks hot -- so just say that. \"

Because \"You look hot. (I like hot girls).\" does not make her feel unique. It lets her know you\'d like to do her. Guess what? So would every other guy who looks at her. \"You look hot\" means you\'re thrown back into the pool as just another d!ckhead.

The only time a compliment like that works is if the girl is obviously not sure she\'s hot.

For the girl who IS hot, you usually have to do a little better than that.

[bjf]

bjf, men are unique to women. I wish to hell they weren\'t sometimes.>>> Of course they are. I was only implying that not every attractive person you meet is someone who has the qualities that you feel you can\'t get out of another attractive person.

Irish -- if you can give such romantic compliments that don\'t seem you are coming on to fast, then boy, you got game. I am sure though that you can appreciate that , when you say something romantic too soon off the bat, it sounds like a line, even if you are sincere and reading someone\'s min right. I\'d love to hear some examples of what you got.