HOW WOMEN SHOWER

[Lucky]

<being married to a Japanese woman generally means living without a lot of overt signs of affection. If you ask for them, you end up with a bruised ego>

Bruce,
How does a relationship with someone from this culture (Japanese) balance out? Do they place special emphasis elsewhere in the relationship?

[Bruce]

Of course there is a lot of variation from one person to the next in any culture and a lot if not most of the Japanese women you meet over here, came here to get away from traditional Japanese culture, and in the case of second generation Japanese or \"ni sei\" all bets are off, but there are still some general principles that play heavily in a marriage with a Japanese woman. Personally (finally?), I can\'t imagine any other kind of marriage at this point, but they are not for everybody. One of my dearest buddies was married to a Japanese woman, mistreated her terribly (IMO) and then dumped her. He\'s not a bad guy in the usual sense, but he just totally misunderstood the nature of the relationship. All of her \"bad points\" sound to me either like good points or something that \"goes with the territory\".

What you get with a Japanese woman (99 times out of 100)
Loyalty: they are in thru thick and thin unless you are a total swine. They don\'t threaten to divorce you, cheat on you etc etc.
Great mother: Keep the kids out of trouble, help them with their homework, take them to after school clubs etc etc
Simplicity: Don\'t rock the boat, freak out in public, humiliate you in front of your friends
Hard worker: Do all the household stuff, pay the bills etc etc without whining about it.
Your own space: You will have your own domain and it will never be intruded upon. Your business is your business, and you will be left alone there (for better or worse)

What\'s exepcted of the guy:
Work hard, preferably make a lot of money. Do your own thing. Don\'t interfere with what your wife is doing. Basically, just don\'t be a jerk.

To be an extra special hubby:
Be a great father without sacrificing your work and other general household security. Encourage your wife to take classes or do other stuff she would like to do. When the kids are in school this will start happening more and more. When you notice she is getting a little fried, pack the kids in the car and take them off somewhere, letting mom chill out with a book or something.

What you *don\'t* get:
Virtually any of the \"normal\" Western signs of affection.
Sex, unless you initiate it yourself. (You never get turned down though, so that has its upside, I guess)
Companionship in the usual Western sense of the word.

Official marriage motto: \"Live and let live\"

Bruce

[Bruce]

--How long did it take you to learn Japanese? --

I studied full time for the first 2 years I was there. That got me most of the way there. The rest just gradually developed.
Bruce