The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. – Cher
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
I\'ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I\'ve thought again. - Noel Coward
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. -Unknown
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith
There\'s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It\'s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
The man who says his wife can\'t take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde
Marriage is give and take. You\'d better give it to her or she\'ll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
A husband\'s last words should always be \'OK buy it\'. - Unknown
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman
Give a man a free hand and he\'ll run it all over you. - Mae West
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann
I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland
Marriage has no guarantees. If that\'s what you\'re looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow
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