The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. – Cher

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

I\'ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I\'ve thought again. - Noel Coward

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. -Unknown

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

There\'s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It\'s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

The man who says his wife can\'t take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is give and take. You\'d better give it to her or she\'ll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

A husband\'s last words should always be \'OK buy it\'. - Unknown

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

Give a man a free hand and he\'ll run it all over you. - Mae West

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

Marriage has no guarantees. If that\'s what you\'re looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow