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  1. #1
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    Default The Mighty French

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    From EHOWA.COM (Adult Jokes and all round not nice stuff)
    The History of Majestic French Military Victories

    So the French still aren\'t on board with us spanking Iraq. Oh boo hoo.
    Let\'s take a look at the mighty French military prowess, shall we?


    Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
    years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

    Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic
    who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: \"France\'s
    armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.\"

    Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
    lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes
    0-5-4 against the Huguenots

    Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages
    to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the
    other participants started ignoring her.

    War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
    chapeaux.

    The Dutch War - Tied

    War of the Augsburg League/King William\'s War/French and Indian War
    Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
    Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military
    power.

    War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
    their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

    American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
    future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw
    far more action. This is later known as \"de Gaulle Syndrome\", and leads
    to the Second Rule of French Warfare: \"France only wins when America
    does most of the fighting.\"

    French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
    also French.

    The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
    Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
    British footwear designer.

    The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk
    Frat boy to France\'s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

    World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
    United States. Thousands of French women find out what it\'s like to not
    only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn\'t call her \"Fraulein.\" Sadly,
    widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement
    in the French bloodline.

    World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
    and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

    War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
    the Dien Bien Flu.

    Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
    army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
    First Rule of Muslim Warfare: \"We can always beat the French.\" This rule
    is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
    English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

    War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
    surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to
    Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald\'s.


    The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should
    not be \"Can we count on the French?\", but rather \"How long until France
    surrenders?\"

  2. #2
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    That\'s not quite fair to the French. They have indeed had at least one conquest.

    They were the original conquerers of Canada - when it was pretty much empty space and a four person canoe was a ship of the line. But then they lost it to the British.

    But that brings us around to the \"Cajuns\" and I don\'t want to go there again.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    I\'m French Canadian, I have lots of relatives up there, I even accidentally stepped into the 151st Anniversary of the first of my lineage to settle in Canada.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Might makes right I guess hey? Interesting viewpoint - right out of Dubya\'s playbook. I\'d like all the Chickenhawks out there to be the first to volunteer to fight on the frontlines in Iraq (yes, in spite of efforts by the French, Germans etc., this war is inevitable - Dubya has made that quite clear), and if they are too old, to volunteer their kids to go in their place. Maybe then I\'ll start taking them seriously.

    http://www.nhgazette.com/chickenhawks.html

  5. #5
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Speaking of Canada...I\'ve been wondering about all the freedoms tounge et al say we have because of the wars we\'ve fought and won. When I look at Canada whose easternmost ports were settled before the American Revolution (they didn\'t rebel, thus avoided the American Civil War too) and have certainly not been instrumental in staging any war. I don\'t see any difference in the freedoms the USA and Canada enjoy. I need to know what I am missing here.

    Plus, I\'m having trouble factoring in the costs of war in dollars, lives and time...how can we create value in all of this madness?

    Does Canada spend their war money on their health care?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Lucky, I like the way your mind works.

  7. #7
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    WILL SOME OF THE POLITICAL MINDS ANSWER MY QUESTION, please?

    I don\'t know a thing about politics and am really struggling,

  8. #8
    **DONOTDELETE**
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    What kind of idiot would make a judgment about a country\'s ability to win wars ?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Why such a hostile first post, Yannos?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    besides, thats closer to fact than a judgement anyways.

  11. #11
    Bodhi Satva CptKipling's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Would we be saying that France is doomed to forever be on the losing side? Because that would be stupid.

    That\'s what he was saying.

    People are sensitive to comments about their country, some people here should know that.

  12. #12
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default The Nice Canadians

    I spent some time working in Toronto. While it is definitely a \"free\" country, I was cognizant that I no longer had the Bill of Rights on my side. My only official contact was at the border getting a work permit - that was straightforward enough - and getting a speeding ticket. Polite, yes, but a ticket is a ticket although some Canadian friends had just told me the night before that NOBODY got speeding tickets in Canada.

    Still, the people seems more passive than in the States although the general politics are quite active. I got the sense that not having to prove themselves with a revolution, they still felt dependent for guidence from the Old Country. They certainly had this royalty worship thing going. Americans took our freedom, Canadians were granted it - BIG difference and it still shows.

    The Canadians I met were lovely people - until one mentions Quebec. I was at a bar having a beer and started talking to a couple of guys. Everything was going great until the Francophones came up. Suddenly, I could have been in Bosnia - these guys were talking genocide! Good thing Ontario doesn\'t have the Bomb!

    Canadians do seem a bit in awe of Americans and maybe a bit intimidated by our energy, freedoms, and assertiveness. I later put it into perspective by realizing that Canadians look at Americans as Americans look at New Yorkers - loud, pushy, and arrogant. I did notice that black people held their head higher in Canada and they lacked the strutiness that shows overcompensation in some black men.

    I came away looking at our freedoms here in the US in a new, more favorable light. Canada is great, but the USA is better.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: The Nice Canadians

    I party with some canadians. I would describe them as more care free , go with the flow. They love hockey and getting [bad word] up. They are reliable friends. They can be real smartasses, but thats just them. Ususally they run their mouth, but are to drunk to fight , so i protect them! lol To be honest they all seem alittle crazy to me.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    these weren\'t facts ,it was the interpratations of facts ,by a simple minded average american (sorry dude,but this is just a temporary opinion ,it\'s up to you to make it change)
    Truth is : US gov. wants this war to happen at any cost ,it\'s a world wide political issue (keeping the hegemony).
    And the propaganda (excuse the strong word) in the mass medias ruled by the american power (so ,money) had already began... So let\'s just hate those [bad word] french who are not on our side. \"Who \'s not on our side is our ennemy !\"
    COME ON ! How can you be so easily influenced ?
    It\'s as if a european would say :

    a brief history of the United States :

    First ,colonization : Let\'s just take this land ,and kill those [bad word] indians who are frightenning us and OUR land.
    (higlilight : giving away alcohol and infected sheets to them)

    Then , independence : let\'s just fight those [bad word] british who are trying to rule us.

    then , war again : those mother fuckers from the south are just to be binded ,let\'s make war !
    (higlight : gettisburgh (don\'t know the correct spell in english) ,as many deads as in the vietnam war)

    and so on ,and so on...
    Oh yes by the way ,let\'s also mention the first use of atomic bomb against a country that was already surrendering ,first use of napalm against people who hardly had clothes to wear etc etc etc
    .
    But you know what ?
    Usually ,european people don\'t say that.
    Don\'t fall in that easyness (?)

    Try to think \"individuals\" and not \"governments\"
    And to conclude , the one who\'s offending the other is always the one feeling weaker ,he tries to make people think ,he\'s strong and right by claiming it.
    But never mind I think your statement is too pathetic to continue arguing.

    To the others : sorry for the tone [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

  15. #15
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    I don\'t doubt one bit that the impending war is all about money and oil. In fact, every war you mentioned - French and Indian, Revolution, and Civil, was motivated by greed and civilized by \'freedom\'.

    However, I disagree with you about the Japanese \"already surrendering\". They were probably whipped and didn\'t want to know it, but they NEVER would have surrendered. Ever.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    I agree Lucky the Japanese never would had surrendered otherwise, do you think the Kamikazee mentality was only for a few spirited jet fighters? NO. I will respond to the radicalist in a moment, he obviously did not realize that I did not assemble those facts myself but rather cut & paste from a web site, there are a few glaringly wrong statements made that I will address as time permits, I\'m a bit swamped at work at the moment.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    YANNOS -

    What nationality are you, where did you grow up, where do you live now & how old are you?

    My response to your pathetic diatribe:
    <<these weren\'t facts ,it was the interpratations of facts ,by a simple minded average american (sorry dude,but this is just a temporary opinion ,it\'s up to you to make it change) >>

    Go ahead & dissect the facts from fiction, I\'m giving you the floor to tell us your interpretation.

    <<Truth is : US gov. wants this war to happen at any cost ,it\'s a world wide political issue (keeping the hegemony).
    And the propaganda (excuse the strong word) in the mass medias ruled by the american power (so ,money) had already began... So let\'s just hate those [bad word] french who are not on our side. \"Who \'s not on our side is our ennemy !\"
    COME ON ! How can you be so easily influenced ? >>

    two responses to this:
    1. This is not a war about money, it is about protecting America from future terrorist attacks. I live & work in the New York city area & this directly affects me - if I hadn\'t been lucky enough to take an alternate route to work on September 11th, 2001 I would be dead & for what purpose? If this was a war about money that the US has to gain then why aren\'t the stock markets skyrocketing?
    2. The French are not standing idly by & taking a neutral stance they are directly hampering the United States efforts to iradicate this vicious dictator & for what purpose, I dare you to answer me that - but I know you won\'t because if you honestly answered that question it would deflate any steam that your argument contains.

    <<It\'s as if a european would say :
    :
    :
    But never mind I think your statement is too pathetic to continue arguing.

    To the others : sorry for the tone >>

    Thanks, I needed a good laugh.

  18. #18
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    It is true that the US government is committed - deeply committed - to disposing Saddam. That will probably require military action - an armed invasion - but if Saddam steps down, that might work too. Bush has too much at stake here to retreat - there is no other way out for him and his administration except victory.

    The US will lead a coalition of the willing no matter what France or the UN or NATO decides. France is using our determination to extract the highest costs possible - politically and economically - from the US. The German political leaders are using opposition to the US-lead effort as a way to win votes in former East Germany from the far left - they need all the support they can get since the government is tottering and will soon be replaced with a right-center party.

    The French and Germans are betting on the wrong side of history. This episode will mark the beginning of a major erosion of EU/French/German influence in the world. The US will increasingly turn towards Eastern and Central Europe and Britain will join us.

    The UN and NATO are both in trouble too. The UN is looking more and more like the League of Nations - dead. NATO only works if the members live up to their responsibilities and commitments - what Germany, France, and Belgium are doing to Turkey is a disgrace.

    These guys are just not holding enough cards - and Bush is too wily to fall for their bluffs.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    \"The German political leaders are using opposition to the US-lead effort as a way to win votes in former East Germany from the far left - they need all the support they can get since the government is tottering and will soon be replaced with a right-center party.\"

    Your analysis is right. The current Schroder-government is acting like an elephant in a porcelain cabinet. Even their own intelligence agency (BND) says the Iraq threat should be taken very seriously.

    I am afraid though the current government is stable enough to hold on to 2006.

    \"The UN is looking more and more like the League of Nations - dead.\"

    The credibility of the UN is one of the main reasons I think Iraq should be handled firmly. Currently it is France and Germany that are undermining the UN\'s credibiblity and image, but in the past the USA has been guilty of that too, too many times.

    Franki [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

  20. #20
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    I think the UN will need restructuring for it to survive and deal effectively with \"collective security\" as well as other global health and environmental issues. Why do the French have a veto on the Security Council anyway?

    Too bad about Schroder and his leftist/Green coalition hanging on - I don\'t think that speaks well for the future of Germany. Europe and the US need each other and have too much in common to split.

    As the US not being 100% behind the UN - so true. Sometimes I agree with my government in it\'s resistance to UN efforts and sometimes I agree with the UN. However, the US is one of the most democratic governments in the history of the world while most of the UN members are anything but. Libya as chair of the UN Human Rights Committee?!?! The US retains the moral high ground in most cases when dealing with yielding power to the UN.

    Two weeks ago I attended a concert in the building and the hall here in San Francisco where the UN Charter was negotiated and signed, right after WWII. It got me thinking.

  21. #21
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    You are dead on about France and Germany betting on the wrong side. We WILL win this one. Even though Bush is not the sharpest tack on the board, he is not one bit scared. I like that about him.

    It might boost the world economy, too. The reduced oil prices and all the work the aftermath will require could jump start lots of things.

  22. #22
    Banned User Elana's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    <<Even though Bush is not the sharpest tack on the board, he is not one bit scared. I like that about him. >>

    I agree....I really respect that about him.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    I like Bush, but I prefer shaved Bush <oops, wrong thread>.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

  25. #25
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    >(I like Bush, but I prefer shaved Bush <oops, wrong thread>.) Way to go that cute.. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] Im sick of hereing about war crap and i personaly dont care as il be here till the end and i will survive no matter what it takes and protect my home property kids and animals and as far as Bush goes well daddy failed so now juniour has to do what he can..I got my own little war going on with my kid and her cancer and she will come befour anything including hereing or see anything to do with war....


  26. #26
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    about money..man am i tired of hearing that crap. take a look at the USA debt of BILLIONS and you know where that debt comes from?..spending OUR tax dollars defending other countries...THEN rebuilding them and feeding the ppl there cause they have no income of thier own..about money, what a crock of shït, if it was about money we wouldn\'t be billions in debt. Now if you wanna talk money, ask the french why they are worried ,and it boils down to, if we kick saddam out, THE SANTIONS WILL BE LIFTED, and then American companies can again do business there(meaning the rich contracts the french have would be voided and they\'d have to deal with a new goverment) . OH MY!!! does this mean thier oil imports are in danger???..so if ANYONE is motivated by money it\'s the French!!

  27. #27
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Here\'s an example of what the French are considering as ways to help:

    \"Former French Army Chief of Staff Jacques Lanxade said in an interview Feb. 5 with Le Parisien that his nation could send as many as 12,000 troops to Iraq if it comes to war. The erstwhile Army chief said that he believed war was inevitable, because the “Bush team has made its decision, and France can,
    for example, secure the oil fields in the event of war.\"
    \'

    Right, the US can take Baghdad in house-to-house fighting while the French take control of the only thing of value in the whole country.

    Thanks for nothing.

  28. #28
    Phero Dude
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Will you explain the France-Turkey connection?

  29. #29
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Yes, please, I\'d be very interested too.

  30. #30
    Carpal Tunnel Whitehall's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Mighty French

    Turkey has been a solid member of NATO for a long time. It eagerly seeks membership in the European Union, largely for the economic benefits. France has been turning up its nose at that, with the former French president being quite pointed about not admitting a Muslim country like Turkey because, in so many words, \"They\'re not our kind.\"

    The US offered to help Turkey with EU membership a few months ago as an inducement for cooperation with us.

    The recent stink is that Turkey is asking for help from NATO in protecting itself against Saddam. The US is stationing large numbers of troops and aircraft there and one could expect Saddam to use his Scud missiles with chemical and/or biological weapons to target the air fields and troop staging areas in Turkey. They want NATO to start planning for providing enhanced anti-missile defenses to Turkey.

    However, France, Germany and Belgium have vetoed that request saying that would just facilitate a US-lead attack. Ask us AFTER the missiles have landed, then they might agree to allow NATO to help. All the other NATO members voted yes. The US has spent BILLIONS to protect France and Germany against the threat of attack but now, they can\'t even PLAN to help another member on the front line.

    This might be the end of NATO and the EU and the start of a major realignment. Lot\'s of people are really pissed.

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