What Do You Prefer?? ;)

[Blackwidow_Woman]

1- candy
2- flowers
3- a night out on the town
4- someone whispering sweet nothings in your ear
5- a wild time doing something you have never done befour
6- curly up on a nice fur rug infront of a roaring fireplace
7- get down right dirty crazy and do everything and then say see ya later.....

[Icemone]

Hi BlackWidow_Woman, all,

LOL Curious about your #7
And I\'d appreciate everyones\' advice on something.

Rather than a one night stand, I\'m looking for more of a \"Bed Buddies\" relationship ( s) -----as Romantic as possible without too many strings attached and of course, AMAZING SEX!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

I am a very intense person and tend to overwhelm women; especially the passive types who seem most
drawn to me.

At first they LOVE how I sweep them off their feet and seem to understand their every feeling and thought and fulfill their every desire.

But eventually, they CHANGE!!!!!!
Looking back on how quickly things happened between us,
how passionate and intense we are together
and much fun we are enjoying
and they can\'t seem to reconcile how they are behaving and whether they deserve to feel so great.
One woman said none of her friends or family
would recognize her.
( some have had either abusive or neglectful relationships )

I didn\'t realize that some of these women were
unstable and didn\'t really know
who they were or what they wanted
and seemed to
\"Become\" who they thought I wanted them to be
and then resented \"losing\" themselves? and became very passive aggressive.

I\'m VERY CLEAR about what I want and ask them about their values, hopes, dreams, desires, wants, etc.
to make sure I understand what they want and what will
make them happy. ( one of the latest said \"You make me SO HAPPY!!! and 2 weeks later, after not returning calls,
e-mails, now she\'s playing Greta Garbo and wants to be alone!!!
Whatever warnings there were I did not see, sense, feel, or \"smell\" them.

Thanks in advance

[Sexyredhead]

In my experience, when you start out in a relationship with a guy like you described, it\'s great. He knows everything you want, anticipates every need, etc etc, and things couldn\'t be better.
The problem I have, and I may be misunderstanding what you say, is that after a while I feel not really smothered, but like I have no control over myself anymore. The guy has so swept me away that it seems as if I\'m disappearing, or becoming what he is trying to mold me into, and I get very uncomfortable. Yes, what he\'s doing is great, but after a while, it\'s not great anymore--it\'s domineering and downright creepy. He\'s not listening to what you say, because he\'s already figured out in his mind all the things he thinks you want. I\'m not saying you don\'t listen, but that\'s how it has been in my experience.
I think a woman deserves to be half the relationship, and if you\'ve got an intense personality dominating the relationship, unless the other person is ok with that, they\'ll rebel.
I think a lot of submissive women will do exactly what you say--turn passive aggressive on you and ignore you. On the other hand, if you don\'t ever listen to them, that\'s eventually what they\'ll have to do anyway. I think a woman with a strong personality would tell you from the start what she thinks about things you\'re doing, and unlike a submissive woman, would say her peace long before things start to feel domineering. Personally, I think a woman with a strong personality would be good for you, to temper your intense personality, or at least limit the amount of time you have all the control. Lots of fights, but lots of making up too. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Lucky]

<5- a wild time doing something you have never done befour >

I\'ll chose #5.

[Wolfe]

5 is the only one i wouldnt have chosen, cant think of a thing i havent tryed already [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
well, that i would considering doing at all anyways.

now a question, just what IS this fantasy of you\'res left unfullfilled?? [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Blackwidow_Woman]

Im gona agree with you on that sub... Wolf, as for my ultimate fantasy hey i have more than one.. just gota figure out which one i want the most... YOU!!! hehehhehe.. just kidding...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Icemone, those relationships are, in my experience, extremely, extremely difficult to maintain. At least, the one I\'m in is driving me to an early grave. People always start out thinking they can handle just sex, but generally they can\'t. Many people especially can\'t handle someone who\'s very intense and more than ready for whatever they might have to bring to the table in that regard, as well. When someone reveals too much about himself and then feels exposed and anxious, its typical for the person to withdraw and also to reject the person who now knows these secrets. That\'s human nature.

It\'s also true, I think -- at least it\'s true for me -- that if things get to a certain level of sharing intensity/passion, it\'s not casual for me anymore, no matter what the original agreement was. So you have two things working against you - one, that you are able to bring things out of people who then resent you for it and are afraid of you for it, because when they look at you they have to confront a side of themselves they\'re not ready to look at; and two, that they\'ve let you see that, and it\'s not in an especially emotionally safe context -- \"no strings attached\" usually means you\'re gonna get your heart kicked in if you let go and feel anything.

Losing yourself while keeping your self is an art form that takes years to master and some women never do get it. Some men don\'t either, and bite off more than they can chew with exactly the kind of proposal that you made - as romantic and intense as possible, with no strings attached.

This is called having one\'s cake and eating it too, my love. Generally we are not so fortunate in this world. Maybe in the next. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Elana]

<<that if things get to a certain level of sharing intensity/passion, it\'s not casual for me anymore, no matter what the original agreement was>>

Correct!

[Icemone]

Thanks Sexyredhead, FullTiltRedhead, Elena,

Great advice and observations.
Kind of like 20/20 hind site.
I need to be more Objective and choose more wisely!!!!

I actually WANT a stronger woman [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
Anyone ready for the challenge? LOL and I don\'t think I\'m domineering.
I\'ll be doing a lot of soul searching, though.

I asked her what was important to her, what she wanted, etc. and shared the same with her.
Even though she SAID that sincerity was important to her,
she was NOT sincere with me ( or herself, even? )
and I believed her.

This was something Special and I thought I made that clear to her. ( or it could have been )

She SAID that\'s what she wanted and felt, too. She TOLD me that I made her Happy.

And she showed me how she felt in the beginning. We couldn\'t keep our hands off of eachother and every look and touch and kiss was electric!!!!

Things happened so quickly between us ( similar to FTR story ) and I kept pacing, asking her if she was
OK. That she knew this was more than a one night stand.

At one point, I stopped kissing and touching her and told her we didn\'t have to go any faster or do anything more
than she felt comfortable with. We could slow down, talk or just watch TV.

She grabbed me and kissed me passionately.

Maybe things weren\'t as clear as I thought?
because English is not her first language----that\'s one of the reasons I gave her the benefit of the doubt for some of
her strange behavior.
Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding?

( not showing up and not even calling to tell me why or tht she was OK. Foot that I was, I was worried about her! )

Then the crying on the phone with a lame excuse
then sending me outrageous appologies begging me to
give her another chance.
.
That\'s when I figured this
might work only as \"Bed Buddies\" because we still had AMAZING CHEMISTRY!!! but not the other other
important elements. Probably self protection on my part.

I feel that Mutual Respect, Trust and Honesty are
vital, especially for a Long term Relationship and we spoke in depth about those things and she SAID she agreed
and at first they were there.

I\'d prefer a strong Woman telling me the truth and not telling what she thinks I want to hear and then rebelling
later on ( or suffering? quietly )

Thanks again

[**DONOTDELETE**]

BWW, I like #4.

[Blackwidow_Woman]

Nice choice FTR.. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]
Mine in order..
6- curly up on a nice fur rug infront of a roaring fireplace
4- someone whispering sweet nothings in your ear
5- a wild time doing something you have never done befour
and one that was not there , going for a nice horse back ride thru the woods enjoying each others company to the fullest..

[Wolfe]

i think i better bring my spurs [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Blackwidow_Woman]

you dont need spurs unless you wana use them doing something else ...hehehehe!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Wolfe]

a good boy scout always comes prepared [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img]

[Blackwidow_Woman]

yeeeeehhhhaaaaa,,, ride me cowboy!!!!!hehehehe!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

[Wolfe]

heh

[Blackwidow_Woman]

wait a min take me as your slave woman!!!!!!!!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Wolfe]

you make me smile and for that ...thxs [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Blackwidow_Woman]

aaawww shucks your supose to be a cave man club me in the head and drag me back to your cave by my hair and have your way with me... then i go out hunting for you and bring back the meat.... [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]