I don\'t know if you\'ll be able to use this advice, but maybe in the name of science [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] you could try it a time or two ... generally, the way to get into the group is to be a little submissive. Find something to compliment the other women about -- the more feminine the thing, the better, e.g., \"that\'s a great lipstick on you,\" \"I love those shoes, where did you get them?\" \"who does your hair?\". If at a party, ask the hostess if you can help with anything. If another woman in a group speaks, even if you disagree with her, don\'t criticize her in public, especially don\'t one up her in front of guys, and if someone asks you point blank what your opinion is, acknowledge hers before you disagree and be gentle in your disagreement. In other words, show that you want in, and that you want to be accepted. Usually there will be an alpha in the pack who will vote that you be given a chance, at least.


In the case of the woman who was guarding the guy you liked, my strategy would have been to say to her that if that\'s the case, I really hoped for her approval because he seems like such a great guy. Do you see what a bitch it would make her feel like or look like to be cold to you after you showed vulnerability? It\'s easy to reject someone if they have the attitude of \"I don\'t care what you think, screw you anyway, who do you think you are.\" Not so easy if they say \"I wish you liked me.\"


I think the Queen Bees around you sense your envy as disapproval, is all. If you express it honestly as envy, they\'re more likely to help you than shun you. What if you openly said to one of these women, \"I don\'t understand how you do it. I wish I could. Give me some tips.\" You put her in a power position - asking a favor puts someone in a power position - and you stroke her ego. I think most women are likely to try to help when approached like that. I had a woman friend for about 10 years who maybe is a little like you. She didn\'t get much attention from her mother and said she envied little girls whose mothers dressed them pretty and spent time on their hair and taught them how to paint their nails, etc., and said she could never get along with other women, all her life. She actively rejected anything feminine, she\'s say it was \"frou-frou.\" This is a female attorney I used to work for. Somehow I got her to a perfume store with me and that started breaking the ice (she swore she couldn\'t stand perfume, it was \"frou-frou\" and it all gave her a headache and she couldn\'t be bothered, and I bet her I could find one she\'d like, so she went with me on a bet, and I won (we both won))-- we went from developing an interest in perfume, to jewelry, to clothes, to lingerie ... along the way as she started to trust me, her story came out about her feelings of inadequacy as a woman. We ALL feel that way -- our thighs are too this, our hair is too that, our whatever is not whatever enough -- even the Queen Bee divas feel that way. Part of female bonding is sharing secrets about your inner self, revealing your worries, and then reinforcing each other against them by helping, even if it\'s just make up tips or doing lunch and making time to talk -- and sharing. The main characteristic of the woman I was talking about was that she didn\'t share. She was so bent on showing everyone that she was better than because she felt so NOT better than, that she misered everything.


I wouldn\'t listen to the guys on this, all respect to the guys and I\'m sure they\'ll give the best advice they know -- but women in a group tend to respect cooperation and facilitation of each other\'s efforts, whereas guys tend to compete for dominance. The more you try to emphasize that you\'re different/stronger/better and that you don\'t care for the women\'s approval, the more likely you are to be ostrasized. You can generally get pretty far if you make an extra effort to be nice, show a little vulnerability, and to openly seek approval. If it kills you. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]