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  1. #1
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    Default 2002 Darwin Awards

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    The last one here is just too painful...

    To those that have done the most to remove themselves from the gene
    pool:
    2002 Darwin Awards
    They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards-
    It\'s an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the
    biggest
    service by
    killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
    Last year\'s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which

    toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
    of
    it.

    And the 2002 nominees are:

    9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
    milk.

    Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
    fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
    house
    down, killing both him and his sister.

    8. A 34-year old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
    of
    suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6\'2\" tall and
    weighed
    225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
    saddle shoes, and a woman\'s wig. It appeared that he was trying to
    create a
    schoolgirl\'s uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that
    had
    the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.
    The
    other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
    approx. 12\" long and 3\" diameter. The tube\'s other end was inserted
    into
    his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
    Police
    found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
    family
    very awkward.

    7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
    when
    another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
    occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
    crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
    around
    their ankles.

    6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
    before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
    not
    breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
    couch
    naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
    she
    noticed burn marks around his genitals.
    After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead
    on
    arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the
    couch,
    and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon
    flipping
    the couch over they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently,
    the
    man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the
    hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for
    obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the
    discharge
    shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

    5. A 27-year old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
    Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
    killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
    qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
    driver\'s attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which
    had
    started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
    press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi\'s life, the woman lost
    her
    own.

    4. A 22-year old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
    tried
    to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
    Fairfax
    County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
    these
    straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end
    to
    the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
    Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
    alone
    because his car was found nearby. \"The length of the cord that he had
    assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
    ground\"
    Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was \"major
    trauma.\"

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
    friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
    The
    friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
    of
    a
    gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
    potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building
    had
    been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
    Upon
    entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
    dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
    and
    retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
    of
    the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
    pieces
    of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
    the
    lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
    suspected
    of causing the blast had never been thought of as \'bright\' by his peers.

    The last nominee for this year\'s Darwin Award (awarded to people for
    incredible feats of stupidity) goes to...

    1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
    tried to wash his own \"balls\" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
    Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
    managed
    to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much
    to
    his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on
    the
    machine with Sanchez\'s scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in
    the
    mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
    collapsed
    and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
    ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
    testicles
    are in normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez\'s
    scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked
    from
    him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
    was
    compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
    washer,
    and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez
    broke a
    new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
    using
    to balance
    himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the
    remaining
    threesome were asked to leave the course.


  2. #2
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2002 Darwin Awards

    Sometimes I wonder if we are evolving or devolving

  3. #3
    Enlightened One
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    Default Re: 2002 Darwin Awards

    Sometimes we really are devolving.
    Its just common acts of stupidity that remove the idiots from the genepool, fournatley the females of this planet are attracted to the most stupid males in the genepool as this continues to allow some form of possible mutation within the genepool for future generations to be even dumber and even more idiotic.

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