Need some relationship advice...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Oh, good man! You rallied! Feet back on the ground, that\'s great.

If you waffle a little over the next few days/weeks, that\'s ok, too, y\'know, just part of the process.

But you\'re moving along smartly, that\'s great to hear.

[jose]

I think you\'re letting her off the hook by maintaining the friendship still. I suggest not hanging out with this girl anymore but be polite, and with a \"I could careless\" attitude when you see her. This might turn things around but I doubt it since your suffering from \"The Nice Guy\" syndrome and you\'re bound to make these mistakes again in the future.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Why the heck is that? Why do nice guys get trampled on? I used to not believe that to be true...but my last girlfriend cheated on me...the girlfriend before that cheated on me. And now, this girl...she wasn\'t a girlfriend and she didn\'t cheat on me...but she did a pretty good job of making me feel like crap.

I don\'t understand. I just don\'t get it. Am I supposed to change myself? Because that\'s just who I am...that\'s just the way I am...to girls, guys, parents, animals, whatever...so if my behavior comes off as \"nice guy\"...? Then what? I\'m just screwed for life, romantically?

Help me out, folks. I\'d rather not get crapped on again.

BTW, when you suggest that I should not hang around with this girl anymore...how do mean? I pretty much plan on not spending time with her outside of class and volunteer work. Is that what you mean? Otherwise...I just think it\'s too much effort on my part to cut all ties by switching classes and figuring out a way to get out of my volunteer work.

[belgareth]

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. I\'ve been one all my life and have rarely regretted it. One problem you will frequently encounter is that many people (Including many on this forum) are under the mistaken impression that to be a nice guy, you are a wuss, wimp or sucker. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The things you need to learn are:
1. Be your own man. Let your pride and principles rule your behavoir at all times. Never sacrifice those for anything. You have to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.
2. Never let somebody walk over you or take advantage. This is the hardest one to learn and the most important. From your story, you allowed this girl to take advantage of you. You should have either moved the relationship forward or persued other relationships, or both. Unless you have a mutual agreement of fidelity, there are no rules other than those of a gentleman.
3. Getting laid is only a small part of a mutual relationship. If the other person is not willing to make a commitment to you and keep it, they are not worth your time. Walk away from it with your head up and your demeanor above reproach.
4. Always treat a lady like a lady. If you are with a woman who does not want to be treated to good manners, ask yourself, what is this person really like underneath. The answer is usually disgusting.

There are many good women out there who will treat a good man well. You may have to walk away from a few, but when you find a good woman, you\'ll know it.

Last suggestion: Go into the women\'s forum and read the thread \'What women really want\' try to ignore us guys bickering and just read the women\'s comments. You\'ll learn a lot.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

They mean don\'t spend your free time with her.


Have you ever talked to your ex about why she cheated?


There are some really good posts by the mature men on the forum about the nice guy thing.


I\'m curious, meanwhile, about why you would consent to an asexual relationship at the ripe young age of 22.

[jose]

That\'s what I mean about not hanging out with her(socially),you can still be nice to her in class or whatever. Anyway do you really want to hang out with someone who has a boyfriend, a guy she chose over you? You acted like a whuss when she said if you were mad at her and you denied it, she knew you were lying. You let her take control of the whole situation. Listen to guys who have been there, it will take some changing(personality wise) on your part. Again read Doc love\'s \"The System\" buy the book if you have to. It will teach you that you can still be nice but not let women walk all over you.

[CptKipling]

Davin, read the nice guys thread in the off topic section, I cant recall the name but you\'ll see it. Thats a very usefull one, that and the womens forum.

Summery:

There is no reason no to be a nice guy (meaning kind, gentlemanly etc.), but dont be nice in the way you accept everything she does, even against your REAL principles. Come out of every situation knowing you are a man.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

That\'s what I mean about not hanging out with her(socially),you can still be nice to her in class or whatever. Anyway do you really want to hang out with someone who has a boyfriend, a guy she chose over you? You acted like a whuss when she said if you were mad at her and you denied it, she knew you were lying. You let her take control of the whole situation. Listen to guys who have been there, it will take some changing(personality wise) on your part. Again read Doc love\'s \"The System\" buy the book if you have to. It will teach you that you can still be nice but not let women walk all over you.

<hr></blockquote>

i don\'t think i was being a wuss. i honestly wasn\'t upset when she asked me if i was mad. i was definately mad the night before and if i saw her then i\'d probably have gone off on some regrettable tirade. but that following morning, i was too physically and emotionally exhausted to care that much. even running into them making out didn\'t affect me very much.

later that afternoon i got slighly upset again, but she wasn\'t around. i\'ve gone sort of up an down and up and down.

as for spending time with her...the reason you stated is exactly why i said i\'ve decided to not spend any time with her outside what cannot be avoided.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I think you did perfectly. For one thing, if nothing else...you gave no reaction. You were too tired to care. I think that\'s way more effective than tirades, no matter what your intention is, whether to drive her crazy because she can\'t push your buttons, or to let her know how you feel, or whatever.