Law School Causes Brain Damage

[**DONOTDELETE**]

These are questions actually asked by lawyers at trial, lifted from court transcripts.

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Now, doctor, isn\'t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn\'t know anything about it until the next morning?

What happened then?
He told me, he says, \"I have to kill you because you can identify me.\"
Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Were you alone or by yourself?

What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.

Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?

How long have you been a French Canadian?

How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn\'t you?
I went to Europe, sir.
And did you take your new wife?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
That\'s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
I\'ll be three months on November 8.
Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
Yes.
What were you doing at that time?

Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
I used to be.

How many times have you committed suicide?

So you were gone until you returned?

She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?

You don\'t know what it was, and you didn\'t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content?
I have a dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 5710A with flame ionization detectors.
Judge: Can you get that on mag wheels?
Only on the floor models.

Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.

All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Oral.

Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?
No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

[CJ01]

Thanks FTR, that really cheered me up ! I needed a good laugh. So this is what you put up with all the time? You must have a permanent grin on your face. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] CJ

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I liked that one FTR - no wonder my love-interest is a wreck - she works in a law firm!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

That\'ll do it if anything will!

[belgareth]

I printed it off and gave it to the attorney in the next office over. He says thank you

[krtel]

lol. I\'m going to learn some weird stuff going to law school. I think they ask that because things can\'t be assumed and actually must be specific, I would imagine.

- Krish

[**DONOTDELETE**]

An attorney can take the SIMPLEST matter and make it complicated. It\'s a habit of mind they\'re somehow trained to, split hairs, compare down to the most minute detail ... it can drive you slam crazy if you\'re a down to earth person with good common sense to work with one.

Fortunately, most patent attorneys are not like that. One reason I like patent law. Patent attorneys are the best.

[upsidedown]

I\'ve got a similar list of comments taken from court records. There is some duplication with the list FTR posted, so I\'m sure the original source of my list is the same.

Hang in there until the last one. It\'s the best one, IMO.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you\'ve forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or 35, I can\'t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, \"Where am I, Cathy?\"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now, doctor, isn\'t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn\'t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present at the time your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[CJ01]

Patent lawyers are also in the ` Bloody-expensive-and -thus-not-affordable-for-me´ category.CJ

[CJ01]

upsidedown I reckon that last answer might just as well have been. `Yes he could still be alive and gone into politics.´ CJ