What's the Cure for a Broken Heart?

[Whitehall]

A broken heart can be devastating. Last time it happened to me, it took months to regain equilibrium. There was definitely something neurochemical going on.

So, what can soothe the pain and speed the recovery?

[proteus]

Only thing that ever worked for me in truth was \"time\" and keeping busy which consisted mainly of work, travel, taking up a new hobby etc. What didn\'t work was going out with other gals etc. coz I find that just ends up with you dumping your baggage on them and they get \"hurt\" too...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

There\'s a drug for OCD called Luvox, if you can\'t stop thinking about it, which I couldn\'t. That drug helped a little. I think I went on Prozac or Paxil, one -- a heavy anti-depressant. Those two things kept me from slitting my throat to get away from the agony.

Something for sleep is good, if your doctor will give it to you, too.

I have also tried 1. change of scene - no help. Just miserable in new circumstances, 2. rebound affair/casual sex - made it worse, 3. going out - waste of time

Projects - if you do art, this is the time - or music - something creative or expressive that takes a lot of effort, if I can get myself started in it, those things really help.

I can\'t talk about it because it all seems too trite to me and nothing anybody ever says is the right thing. But some people find talking about it helps. In which case you need a really good, patient friend or a dog.

It\'s the worst pain there is - I for sure can\'t do it again. hope nobody out there\'s going through it, if you are, my sympathies.

[BassMan]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

Projects - if you do art, this is the time - or music - something creative or expressive that takes a lot of effort, if I can get myself started in it, those things really help.

<hr></blockquote>It was my divorce that got me playing out again. I started taking pick-up gigs on bass, playing songs I didn\'t know with people I\'d never worked with. The all-consuming nature of having to stay completely focused on what was happening on stage, bar by bar, change by change, kept my mind off my pain - three minutes at a time. It was a large part of what kept me sane during that first year.

It also gave me quite a reputation as a mind-reader [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

It\'s kind of ...what? Orwellian? maybe, but I do wish there could be more research and better pharmaceuticals for heart break. The physical pain of it is debilitating, and it\'s not like you could take a leave of absence over a matter of the heart - it\'s amazing how people sneer, or, worse, almost, meaning well, tell you cheer up! think happy thoughts! It\'s occasion for serious pain meds, I think - like, synthetic heroin wouldn\'t be going too far, and a week\'s bed rest with a nurse. The medical profession appears to be moving toward less insistence on stoicism for physical ailments, but for heart break, which is something different from depression, there really isn\'t anything. You just have to suffer until it eventually deadens, even if it never entirely leaves.

[Irish]

It\'s almost identical to drug addiction withdrawal. The PEA your brain generates to keep you in love, juicing the brain reward pathway, is similar to what cocaine does in the brain of an addict. The lovers\' breakup and the cokehead\'s withdrawal are very similar chemically and emotionally. PET brainscans of coke addicts when showed their favorite drug look almost exactly like the brains of lovebirds shown a photo of their beloved.

It\'s an addiction to a person, designed to drive us together long enough to reproduce and get a baby through toddler age - lasts about 3-4 years before brain shifts from PEA to more mellow long-term endorphins. If you disrupt the plan by breaking up before the brain is ready, you suffer \'withdrawal\' - lovesickness. Some people are more prone beacause of an overactive hypothalamus.

Since it\'s a brain chemistry problem I think the best solution is an anti-depressant, which several of my friends and family have reported worked well. I\'ve always just toughed it out with whiskey (not recommended). They say withdrawal lasts about half as long as the relationship itself did.

The great womanizers and seductresses of history understood the difference between being in lust and being in love, although the two are usually entertwined, at least in the beginning of an affair. These \'practical psychologists\' actively developed techniques to make people fall in love with them, not merely sexually entice. Having people in love with you gives you great power over them, as anyone who has ever been lovesick can testify. Lust is fleeting and easily satisfied - love binds one desperately to the other.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Seems like methadone would be better than anti-depressants.

Even \"just\" a physical thing can be as addictive and as hard to lose as a love. But I don\'t think I\'ve ever felt lust as you define it. Maybe this is a girl thing.

[Irish]

FT - I know men are more notorious for this, but haven\'t you ever met someone you just wanted to have meaningless sex with, and not care if you saw him again? Someone very sexually attractive, but that\'s all you saw of interest about him? All the women participating in one night stands can\'t all be deceived about what it is...a momentary sexual interlude for it\'s own sake.

Anyway, that\'s what I was referring to about lust. Sexual attraction apart from any deeper emotional attraction. I know men are capable of that mindless lust, as well as the deeper attachment of being \'in love\'. Always thought women were capable of both too, although they seemed less likely to act on casual sex as a rule.

[CptKipling]

I think its a good idea to get yourself doing something, anything. A hobby, working out, but having fun is a must. Distraction. Never hard at the best (or worst, erm school!) of times for me.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I don\'t think one night stands are fulfilling for women. This could be a generational thing or maybe it\'s just me. I think most women hope something will come of it if they have sex with a man, and I think for many women it\'s a source of pain to connect once and then walk off as though the person never existed in your most intimate world.

I can honestly say I\'ve never felt that way - for me, there\'s no such thing as \"meaningless\" sex. I\'ve seen men I had instant, raging lust for and wanted to have sex with right that second, and have fairly often acted on it, but 99.999 percent of the time, I pick right for myself and it\'s intensely good sex. If I have intensely good sex with someone, I want to do it again. And intensely good sex always involves a heart connection for me, even if it\'s only once. So I never go into anything with the intention of it being a one night stand. If I f*ck you, I mean to make you mine and want to keep you for a little while, or as long as you want to stay, and I make it my business to make you want to stay. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Otherwise, I\'d just do it myself.

I don\'t understand, can\'t conceptualize, sex on a purely physical level. It seems to me like if you have sex like that, you\'re restricting it down to such a miniscule fraction of what it can be like that to me it\'s not worth having, and I do choose to do it myself rather than to do that. It\'s just not worth taking your clothes off for.

Wish I could be a guy just once and see what it feels like.

[Whitehall]

So the \"heartbreak\" probably involves a change in neurotransmitter levels. My original post was a leading question, really, since I\'ve given the subject some thought already. In fact, dating a post-doc in neuroscience at Brown as I was recovering from my last (and worst) heartbreak lead me into smart drugs and on to pheromones.

I see two obvious approaches. First, one could restore dopamine levels. That could involve direct PEA supplementation. Since chocolate contains PEA and it has a long reputation for helping, at least, with heartbreak, I think this approach may have merit. Cocaine and amphetamines are direct-acting on dopamine release but would exacerbate the depletion when stopped. To be more subtle, one could load precursor(s) to dopamine such as l-phenylaniline. I\'ve noticed recently that improves one baseline mood - I tend to whistle even more! (Song bird analogue?) L-dopa is also available through various herbs like macana pruiens (sp?) and is an even closer precursor. One available drug that has a great deal of merit is deprenyl which inhibits dopamine re-uptake and/or metabolism.

The notion of going out and having fun might work so long as dopamine is not too low. \"Depression\" can be defined as not being able to fun or percieve pleasure. With depleted dopamine, you CAN\'T have fun. Even sex without the loved one is less engaging.

Another track is the serotoin route. Prozac/Paxil and other SSRIs work to increase serotoin levels and calm the irritatible brain - serotoin is an inhibitory neurotransmitter. These prescription drugs can be replace for non-clinical depression by serotoin precursors like 5-HTP or tryptophan.

So if one avoids prescription drugs, candidate treatments are:

1) chocolate
2) l-phenyl aniline
3) l-dopa
4) 5-HTP

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I go with chocolate and L phenylalanine, but the long-term effects of the latter are not known, I don\'t think.

5-Http just makes you sleepy.

[Whitehall]

Sleeplessness is a symptom of depression and a broken heart too.

As to l-phenylaniline, it\'s an essential (almost) amino acid! You can hardly live without it. Long term use (in your diet) is called \"Life.\" When you\'re not brokenhearted, it\'s supplementation also improves and facilitiates orgasm.

[SwingerMD]

The adiction theory does make a lot of sense. Time is necessary to work it out of your system. In the meantime occupying yourself with new hobbies and workouts are good. When I went through my last major breakup I really hit the weights hard (loved the results) and spent lots of time taking swing classes and going out alone to dances. Dating too soon is not a good idea. It actually took about year before things felt normal again.

[MOBLEYC57]

Months = TIME

[**DONOTDELETE**]

The difference I make between depression and broken heart is that with depression, you don\'t feel anything because you\'ve put yourself past pain, everything turns to gray and just floats by you, you\'re watching from the outside, lost the connection to yourself or anyone else.

Heartbreak is your whole body hurts, like it\'s throbbing, and especially there\'s a weight that sits on your heart like a stone, your throat is sore because you want to cry all the time, and you can\'t eat and you can\'t sleep and you can\'t escape it even in your dreams you see/feel the person you lost. It\'s way more painful than depression.

But yeah, sleeplessness - at least theoretically - goes with both things and so 5-htp is good, right - especially combined with valerian root.

I say theoretically because when I\'m depressed I don\'t see any reason to get out of bed, I can sleep 20 out of 24 hours - but I guess some people do swing the other way. Besides coca leaves (ha) and caffeine, what would you do in the case of the person who\'d rather be lyin\' in bed just like Brian Wilson did?

L-phenylalanine has to do with pain receptors, doesn\'t it? I\'ll have to look it up, I haven\'t even thought about that for maybe 20 years. I used to take it every day when I was in college until my best friend who was a grad student in psychology said he didn\'t think it was good to keep taking it over years of time because we didn\'t know what that much extra in your system would do over time, maybe fry some receptors or something, I don\'t know.

But if it gives better orgasms, point me in the direction of the GNC, bay-bee...

[cuddlebear]

To Bass Man, your note about doing gigs and playing songs you don\'t know. That brought back some memories, man! On the actual subject, I would have to say that a broken heart is quite simply the most devastating human experience I know. I think it\'s safe to say that 90% of suicides are for this reason. And as for these people who say \"it\'s nothing, just think happy thoughts\"? These people know nothing about heartbreak and I am happy for them, but they are of no help ... cuddles

[MadMaxx]

I agree with most of what has been said. I think I was depressed for about one year each time my heart was broken in a serious relationship. What I finally did in the last case was take up dancing. This was a VERY good thing to do. I really threw myself into it, taking lessons at least 3 times a week.

[MadMaxx]

Whitehall, are you sure about the chocolate. I was reading studies on the whole PEA thing, and they claimed that even though chocolate contains PEA, ingesting it does not have the same effect as the PEA does that is produced by your body. So, which is true??? There seems to be a discrepancy between what I have read and what you are saying.

[MOBLEYC57]

Excuse me...but why are you suffering from a broken heart? You\'re doing what I\'ve done all of my life...hurting for nothing!!! Surely, everyone knows that no one that LOVES you is going to break your heart. They may disappoint you, or let you down, but break your heart...NEVER!!!! Stop taking your partner cheating on you, or wanting someone else so PERSONAL. If you had a way to look back into the future, I\'m sure you\'d find that they were cheating before you, during you, and after you. Just like no one\'s born a bigot, no one was born with the intentions of breaking YOUR heart. It will get better tomorrow, and heal with time. Why do we hurt over something caused by someone else, when the bottom line is...they couldn\'t care less? Beats me. [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] It\'s going to be alright...I\'m a living witness, and I\'m doing just FINE! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

We\'re just talking about it as a concept. I don\'t think anybody writing is broken hearted right now.

But if I were broken hearted and you said all that stuff to me, I\'d get up and walk out of the room. Far as I\'m concerned, I don\'t care if they meant to or not, they did, and I have a right to grieve and be given the time and space to grieve in my own way without anyone insisting I cheer up and not take it personally...

just food for thought from another perspective.

[Whitehall]

As to l-phenylaniline affecting pain receptors, not so. The compound that\'s implicated in increased endorphin production is the d (dextro or right-handed) version. The L (levo or left handed version) is the one that makes the dopamine - the D version does not.

To cover both bases, buy the racemic mix of phenylaniline called \"dl-phenylaniline\"

For a stay-in-bed depressive, I\'d try a little deprenyl and l-phenylaniline. But if you\'re that bad you should see a doctor.

The combination of l-phenylaniline and deprenyl is also MOST effective in get a bigger bang from your buck. too.

[Whitehall]

Am I sure about chocolate? No. It certainly contains PEA in various amounts but whether it makes it into the blood stream and crosses the blood/brain barrier is an open question.

The strongest evidence in support is its reputation as a love food. It didn\'t get that reputation and have it hold credibility for hundreds of years without some merit.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Yeah, thanks, and that\'s good across the board advice. When I started to get that bad, I did see a doctor and got on meds quick -- it was years ago, btw, not a current issue.

[SonnyBlack]

ive devoted my time to composing intricate pieces on my syntheziser and going out with good friends and meeting other girls....she still calls me alot and I wish she would stop so I could just forget about her once and for all...

[**DONOTDELETE**]

HA! I can help you with that! If, after you\'ve begged, pleaded, said in person, on the phone, in writing, I wish you would not call me anymore, and they persist ... call your phone company and ask them to add a feature called \"Identified Call Block\" to your service. You *60 and then follow the prompts to enter the number that you no longer want to receive calls from. (Don\'t forget to enter the work number and the cell number.) You will never hear from that person at those numbers again. Bliss.

[Naughtymonkey]

Sorry Don\'t log in too often and reply, but folks.......................................try Buspar................

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Wellbutrin?

My current drug of choice, thank you! Pretty good stuff.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I dunno about PEA (or what PEA is) but chocolate has been shown to raise your oxytocin levels, I believe.

[BassMan]

<blockquote><font class=\"small\">In reply to:</font><hr>

Wellbutrin?

My current drug of choice, thank you! Pretty good stuff.

<hr></blockquote>Gawd. No wonder yer horny alla time...