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  1. #61
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

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    A Woman\'s Facts About Men

    1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

    2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They\'ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

    3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

    4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they\'re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

    5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

    6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

    7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

    8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

    9. All men hate to hear \"We need to talk about our relationship.\" These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

    10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

    11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

    12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

    13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I\'ve never seen a man walk into a party and say, \"Oh, my God, I\'m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There\'s another man wearing a black tuxedo.\"

    14. Most men hate to shop. That\'s why the men\'s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

    15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

    16. If you\'re dating a man who you think might be \"Mr. Right,\" and if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

    17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

    18. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

    19. When four or more women get together, they talk about
    men.

    20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

    21. Most women are introspective: \"Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?\" Most men are out-trospective: \"Did my team win? How\'s my car?\"

    22. If a man says, \"I\'ll call you,\" and he doesn\'t, he didn\'t forget… he didn\'t lose your number… he didn\'t die. He just didn\'t want to call you.

    23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. \"Get out\" and \"I never want to see you again\" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, \"I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.\" Sometimes they leave skid marks.

    24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

    25. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause—you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

    26. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

    27. That\'s why men need instant replays in sports. They\'ve already forgotten what happened.

  2. #62
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    That\'s so good! But ... I\'m confused ... why is it in the joke section?

  3. #63
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Egad, the first time I saw an eyelash curler, I was convinced it had to be part of some secret feminine estrogen ritual, and that I probably didn\'t want to know what it was actually used for. That is one *confusing* piece of engineering!

    Just so that all of the women can never say that I\'m not a good sport, and that I don\'t have at least a residual sense of humor, I will now confess to the world what my fevered 13- year-old brain concluded the apparatus must be for: the INSERTION and REMOVAL of TAMPONS! Yes, obviously! What else could it be used for? And wouldn\'t women have to have *some* means for handling those...things?

    Many years of therapy later, I happened upon a girlfriend not quite ready for a date, who invited me into her bathroom during her last moments of preparation before going out. There on the sink, casually set down for anyone to see, was the apparatus, mocking my male psyche.

    Possessed of a modicum of tact, I of course pretended not to notice. Until she picked it up and aimed it toward an eye -- my gawd, what was she doing!! I stood rooted, paralyzed, unable to move (yes, all three). With a horrible fascination normally reserved for those rare occasions when cars run over toads, I couldn\'t help but watch as she calmly positioned and operated the mechanism. And then curled the lashes of her other eye, smiled prettily, and led the way out of her house.

    Probably 5 minutes passed before I could speak coherently. She had no idea why, of course, and simply accepted my temporarily garbled intelligence as some inexplicable masculine weirdness, which is one of the reasons women make such great company.

    The APA has a whole chapter on me in the DSM-IV, under [i]apparitiphobia.



  4. #64
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    For all the Chemists:

    <font color=red>Hazardous Materials Data Sheet:</font color=red>

    Element: Woman
    Discoverer: Adam
    Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55Kg, but known to vary from 45Kg to 225Kg

    Physical Properties
    1. Body surface usually covered with film of powder and paint
    2. Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes for no aparent reason
    3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore

    Chemical Properties
    1. Reacts well to gold, platinum, and all precious stones
    2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
    3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

    Common Use
    1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
    2. Can greatly aid relaxation
    3. Can be very effective cleaning agent

    Hazards
    1. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen
    2. Possesion of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

    <font color=blue>Have a good holiday folks.</font color=blue>

  5. #65
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    \"WHO GETS TO DO THE DISHES?\"

    Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. \"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don\'t say a word,\" She tells him, \"Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven\'t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.\"

    Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeated performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier than a punk in prison. But still there is complete silence at the table.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing Steve grabbing the Vaseline, her father figured he was next, so he quickly backs away from the table and screams, \"OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY!! I\'LL DO THE F#CKING DISHES!!!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!

  6. #66
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    Mobes, you ain\'t right lol.

    \"a little happier than a punk in prison\" [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] !!

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    \"YOU\'VE GOT TO PRAY\"

    A lady approaches her priest and says, \"Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.\"

    \"What do they say?\" the priest inquires.

    \"They only know how to say, \'Hi, we\'re prostitutes. Want to have some real fun baby?\'\"

    \"That\'s terrible,\" the priest exclaims, \"but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.\"

    \"Thank you!\" the woman responds.

    The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest\'s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, \"Hi, we\'re prostitutes, want to have some real fun baby?\"

    One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, \"Put the beads away my friend, it\'s party time!!
    Our prayers have finally been answered!!!\"

    HAVE A HAPPY TURKEY DAY, AND I HOPE YOUR PIECE OF TURKEY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Tater!!!!

  8. #68
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    HAPPY AFTER TURKEY DAY!!!! MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED WITH YUMMY LEFTOVERS!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

    \"WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?\"

    A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, \"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?\" The husband just looked at his wife and said, \"What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

    A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, \"Honey, the car won\'t start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?\"

    \"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?\" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it\'s raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he\'s walking through the door. \"Honey, there\'s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?\"

    He just looked at her and said \"What do I look like, Bob Vila?\" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

    One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn\'t leaking anymore either.

    His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, \"Honey, how come there aren\'t any more leaks, and the car\'s running?\"

    She replied nonchalantly, \"Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.\" \"Wow, did he charge us anything?\" asked the husband. \"No, he just said that he\'d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had some serious sex with him\" she said.

    \"Cool!! What kind of cake did you make?\" asked the husband. \"Cake!!? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Damn Crocker!!!!?

    HOPE YOUR AFTER TURKEY DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!

    COWBOYS 27 DEAD-SKINS 20 [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] YEEEEEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. #69
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    \"IT´S PURE VOODOO!!!\"

    A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he\'d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

    He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo\'s, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

    \"Well, I don\'t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don\'t know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except...\" and he stopped.

    \"Except what?\" the man asked.

    \"Nothing, nothing.\"

    \"C\'mon, tell me! I need something!\"

    \"Well, sir, I don\'t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo penis.\"

    \"So what\'s up with this Voodoo Penis?\" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

    The businessman laughed, and said \"Woopi damn do! Big damn deal! It looks like every other dildo in this shop!\"

    The old man replied, \"But you haven\'t seen what it\'ll do yet.\"

    He pointed to a door and said \"Voodoo Penis, the door.\" The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said \"Voodoo Penis, return to box!\" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

    \"I\'ll take it!\" said the businessman.

    The old man resisted, saying it wasn\'t for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.

    The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say \"Voodoo Penis, my crotch.\"

    He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he\'d been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

    She undressed, opened the box and said, \"Voodoo Penis, my crotch!\" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping, and pounding, and pumpin and pounding!!

    It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she\'d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she\'d had enough.

    She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting and pounding. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

    Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

    A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she\'d had to drink.

    Gasping and twitching, she explained, \"Ahhhhhh! Oooooh! I haven\'t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I\'ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck inside of me, and it won\'t stop screwing me!\"

    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, \"Yeah, right...Voodoo Penis, my ass!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!

  10. #70
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    Mobley - you\'re a crack.

    (NO! not a crackhead! jeez do we have to go through this every time?)

  11. #71
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    Crack, or crackhead!!!? [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] Yes we do!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] Tater!!!

  12. #72
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    \"THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD...ACCORDING TO CAJUNs\"

    Four Cajuns were sitting around a campfire near the Atchafalaya Basin. They were \"philosophizing\" on what was the fastest thing in the world.

    Boudreaux said, \"I tink de fassest ting in the werld is a \'tought\', because before you ken tink of it it\'s already tought.\"

    Thibodeaux said, \"No, the fassest ting in the werld is a \'blink\' because before you ken tink about it you dun blunk already.\"

    Alfonse said, \"No, the fassest ting in the werld is lectricity because when you turn dat light switch on de lectricity travels fass-fass and the lights come on before you know it.\"

    T-Boy said, \"Ya\'ll all wrongg, the fassest ting in the werld is diarrhea!!\" Everyone asked, \"Diarrhea!!?\" T-Boy said, \"Yea, lass nite before I could tink, blink, or turn on de lights, I don sh*t me pants!!!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!

  13. #73
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    \"SKID MARKS!!!!\"

    A wife was getting pretty upset about her husband\'s lack of attention lately, and decided to come on a little stronger to him.

    After dinner, she put on her sexy, backless night-gown backwards so her breast were showing, and sauntered into the living room.

    \"Notice anything darling?\" she asked slyly.

    \"Yes honey, you\'ve got your night-gown on backwards\" her husband answered simply.

    \"How could you tell sweetie?\" she cooed.

    \"Because the sh#t stains are in the front.\" he said.

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!!

  14. #74
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    You seem to have a penchant for the scatological, there, Mobes...

  15. #75
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    Only if it makes me laugh Madam. Only if it makes me laugh.

  16. #76
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    \"WOOL ANYONE!?\"

    A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

    The guy doesn\'t have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.

    The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn\'t take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

    The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

    \"No,\" she says, \"they\'re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!

  17. #77
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    OK, OK, I got one.

    A man goes out to the boonies and decides to visit a bar. He goes up and sits down at the bar, orders a beer and asks the bartender, \"Got any women \'round here?\"

    The bartender says,\"Naw, ain\'t no women here but there\'s ol\' Joe in the back.\" The man says,\"No, I\'m not into that kind of stuff.\"

    After a few more drinks, the man again asks, \"Got any women round here?\" The bartender declares, \"Like I told before, naw, but there\'s ol\' Joe in the back.\" The man says, \"I said I\'m NOT into that.\"

    The man drinks a couple more beers and by this time, he\'s really feeling horny. Once again, he asks the bartender, \"Got any women round here?\" The bartender comes up to him and says right to his face, \"Naaaaww, BUT there IS ol\' Joe in the back.\"

    The man thinks about this a moment and says, \"OK... after all, who would know?\" The bartender replies, \"Well, YOU would know, I would know, OL\' JOE would know...

    the two guys holding JOE down would know. You see, ol\' Joe ain\'t into that kind of thing either.\"

    Ewwwww, gross!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

    Tom

  18. #78
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    \"ENGLISH SMARTS\"

    A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said, \"So, where y\'all from?\"

    The New York girl said, \"From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence!\"

    The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, \"So, where y\'all from, bitc#!!!?\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!!

  19. #79
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    \"MORE BLONDE STUFF\"

    A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde are all sitting in a doctors office, talking about what the sex of child they are going to have.

    The Brunette says \"I am going to have a boy because I was on top while having sex.\"

    The Redhead replied \"I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom while having sex.\"

    All of a sudden, the Blonde screams out at the top of her voice, \"Oh my God!!!! I am going to have puppies!!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!

  20. #80
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    \"365 TIMES\"

    A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: \"This bull mated 50 times last year.\" The wife turns to her husband and says, \"He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him Mister!!\"

    They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: \"This bull mated 65 times last year.\"

    The wife turns to her husband and says, \"This one mated 65 times last year. That\'s over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one too, big time!!\"

    They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: \"This bull mated 365 times last year.\"

    The wife\'s mouth drops open as she gasps, \"Oh my!!! Makes me weak in the kneeeeeees! WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That\'s ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one Honey!! I\'m getting horny just thinking about it!!\"

    The man turns to his wife and says, \"Yeah, okay! Carry your ass on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow!!!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!

  21. #81
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    I like it better when it was a true story about President and Mrs. Coolidge.

    Scientists even call this the Coolidge Effect in their honor.

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    Whitehall got it right.

    Ostensibly took place at a county fair or something. President and Mrs. Coolidge were touring the fair with different entourages.

    Mrs. Coolidge et al, stopping at a display of chickens &amp; roosters, were informed that the rooster \"has been known to perform his duty up to 10 or more times a day.\" Mrs. Coolidge, playing to the press says, \"see to it that Mr. Coolidge gets that information when he comes this way.\"

    President Coolidge\'s group eventually reaches the same display. They guy there says, \"President Coolidge, Mrs. Coolidge said to be sure to tell you that the rooster has been known to perform his duty 10 or more times per day.\"

    President Coolidge: \"Is that right?\"

    \"Yes sir, it is.\"

    President Coolidge: \"Same chicken every time?\"

    \"Well, no sir.\"

    President Coolidge: \"See to it that Mrs. Coolidge gets that information.\"


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    \"That Little Johnny Fella!!\"

    The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

    \"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?\"

    \"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Friday.\"

    \"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Fri......day\"

    \"Does anyone know another word?\"

    \"I do! I do!\" replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny\'s more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

    \"OK Mike, what is your word.\"

    \"Saturday.\" says Mike.

    \"Great, that has three syllables...\"

    Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says \"I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!\"

    Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, \"O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?\"

    Johnny proudly says, \"Mas...tur...ba...tion.\"

    Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, \"Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That\'s certainly is a mouthful.\"

    \"No Ma\'am, you\'re thinking of \'blowjob\', and that\'s only two syllables!\"


    HOPE YOUR DAY HAD YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!!

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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    Well, the teacher should have known better. Because when Little Johnny was in kindergarten, his teacher was going over the ABC\'s. \"What words begin with A?\" asked teacher, and Janey said, \"Apple.\" Teacher said \"Right, very good!\" and wrote \"Apple\" on the board. \" What words begin with B?\" asked the teacher. Johnny jumped up and yelled, \"Bastard!\" Shocked, the teacher told him such words were not allowed in the classroom, and put him in time out. Somewhere around the letter \"L,\" she let Johnny come back to his seat, and then, of course, the next letter was \"M.\" \"What words begin with M?\" asked the teacher. Johnny raised his hand to be called on and the teacher nodded, glad to give him another chance. Johnny said \"Midget!\" Teacher said, \"Right, very good!\" but when she turned her back to write \"midget\" on the board, Johnny stood up, holding his hands wide apart, and said \"WITH A DICK THIS BIG!!\"

    That Johnny is so bad.


  25. #85
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!


    Yeah, baby! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

  26. #86
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    That was great ! I lolled and lolled and lolled till I peed in my pants.
    You\'re funny readhead.


  27. #87
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    \"YOU DON\'T HAVE ONE!!!\"

    There was a fourth grade boy and a fourth grade girl. The fourth grade boy came by the fourth grade girl\'s house with a football and teased the girl saying, \"Ha Ha! You can\'t have a football cause you\'re a girl!\"

    The girl goes to her mom crying so her mom buys her a football. The boy got angry.

    So the next day he comes by with a boys bike and teases her saying, \"Ha Ha! You can\'t have a boys bike cause you\'re a girl!\"

    So the girl goes crying to her mom and she gets a boys bike. The boy gets very mad.

    So the next day the boy comes by, pulls down his pants and says, \"I\'ve got one of these and you can\'t go crying to your mom to get one!\"

    She goes crying to her mom, and then the girl comes out pulls up her dress, drops her panties, and says, \"My mom said as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!\"

    KEEP SMILING!!! IT INCREASES YOUR FACE VALUE!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!!

  28. #88
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    FOR ADULTS ONLY --- MUST BE 21 AND OVER!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

    Hardcore Q &amp; A

    Q: What doesn\'t belong in this list? Meat, eggs, wife, or blowjob.
    A: Blowjob...You can beat your meat, eggs and wife, but you can\'t beat a good blowjob.

    Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
    A: So men can be open minded.

    Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
    A: So men can get oxygen to their brain.

    Q: What\'s the speed limit of sex?
    A: 68, because at 69, you have to turn around.

    Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
    A: The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.

    Q: What does bungee jumping and a hooker have in common?
    A: They both cost a hundred buck and if the rubber breaks, you\'re screwed!!

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAD YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] TATER!!!!

  29. #89
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    \"BLONDES DON\'T HAVE MORE FUN....THEY\'RE JUST ALWAYS FUN\"

    One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. \"I\'ve pulled you over for speeding mam.....could I see your drivers license...?

    \"What\'s a license...???\" replied the blonde instantly, giving away the fact that she was as a stump. Its usually in your wallet...replied the officer.

    After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration...? Asked the cop. Registration....what\'s that...? asked the blonde. Its usually in your glove compartment, said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling she found the registration. I\'ll be back in a minute...the cop said and walked back to his car.

    The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration. After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car? Yes....Replied the officer. Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher. Uh...Yes replied the cop. Here\'s what you do.....said the dispatcher. Give her stuff back and drop your pants. WHAT!!!? I cant do that! It\'s...inappropriate...exclaimed the cop. Trust me...just do it!!..said the dispatcher.

    So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs.....Ohh noooooooo!.....not ANOTHER breathalyzer!!

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Tater!!!

  30. #90
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    Default Re: Got Riddle, Poems, or Jokes!!!!!!!

    A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She sits down at the end of the bar and immediately raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer. At that moment, everybody notices that she doesn\'t shave her armpits. When she finishes her drink she raises her arm again to get another one. Again, everybody sees her incredibly hairy armpits. This happens a few times.

    Meanwhile, a drunk man on the other side of the bar says to the bartender as he passes him, \"Hey! D\'you see that ballerina on the other side of the bar!?\"

    The bartender gives him a nod.

    \"Buy her a drink on me.\"

    The bartender replies, \"Sure, but how do you know she\'s a ballerina?\"

    \"Because,\" answers the drunken man, \"any chick who can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina!!\"

    HOPE YOUR DAY HAS YOU SMILING!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Tootaloo!!!

    P.S. For those that missed it...the drunk thought it was her private that he was seeing. Duhhhhhhhhhhhh!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

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