How can women...
How can women choose
when they love a guy? It doesn\'t make any sense. They can love you one day, and the next day hate you, and vice
versa. I thought that if you loved someone, you loved them, and if you didn\'t love them, you didn\'t love them,
I don\'t understand it.
Bart
Re: How can women...
That probably
isn\'t love.
Love isn\'t fleeting, love is a persistant desire to be with someone, it describes the feeling
when you know you will care for someone regardless of what happens.
When people don\'t understand that, they
often confuse lust and attraction with love.
We all want to fall in love.
Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is
magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an
hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for
the rest of our lives.
Honestly, I think men are more
likely to have the sense of love last within themselves once it strikes, but obviously some would disagree to this
non-PC statement.
DrSmellThis (creator of P H E R O S)
"Love isn't fleeting, love is a
persistant desire to be with someone, it describes the feeling when you know you will care for someone regardless of
what happens."
Hmm, it's pretty common to love someone but not have a persistant desire to be with them. Real
love is confident and self assured and, thus, not necessarily dependant on a persistant desire for physical
presence. Many of us need and desire personal space. For some it's hours or days. For others it's weeks or months.
But, I guess that depends on those involved. I know I run like a mad man from mother hen and gatekeeper type women.
Of course, as an artist I go into my cave and don't emerge until I finish my thoughts. Not many women can
understand that...
"I'm just a dirty hornytoad" -Gegogi
I just feel like your
statement/question is way too general. I love my partner but there are definitely days/times when I can't stand
him, because he's annoying me with certain habits of his! I do often feel like if I were a more genuinely loving
person, I would not let the habits he cultivated many years prior to knowing me, prevent me from momentarily
expressing my deep-down love & affection but hey-- I'm only human! I'm me, so I can't help being annoyed by him
any more than he can help annoying me... it's not pretty but it seems fair. Of course if I were the stoic,
silent-suffering type, he would probably never know that my loving feelings had been interrupted, unfortunately I'm
the volatile, voluble type.
If you're talking about a particular woman, did she seriously say she hated you
and wanted out, or was she just venting, having a bad day, etc.? Also, that honeymoon period where you seem perfect
to each other, you can do wrong-- it eventually fades. Some people feel betrayed by that-- they think the other
person's let them down or rejected them by no longer believing that they're perfect, and it's sad because they
just end up doing the same thing over and over again. Maybe I'm cynical, but I can't imagine a long-lived
relationship that just effortlessly felt like falling in love everyday forever-- you would both have to consciously
engineer it to be that way, inciting jealousy & desire with planned separations, implied threats of defection, etc.
Oh-- and by using pheromones!
As to what the Dr. said, I don't think it's true that men tend to maintain a
sense of love longer than women, and not because I'm a woman-- that's just too general (again). I've been with a
fickle man and was ridiculously faithful, with a steadfast man I could be awfully fickle. I think that's due to
unconscious maneuvering to keep the relationship fresh. The status quo is boring so your eye starts to wander, that
lights a spark under your partner and the chase is renewed. I don't mean that your eye wanders intentionally to
make your partner jealous, but whoever is naturally more fickle or less committed of the two will be the first to be
bored, and that puts the other one in the pursuer role by default, whether they're male or female. I guess if you
were equally bored depending on your personality you would mutually depart without drama, or stay because you value
stability more than you dislike boredom.
"I was not a sexy young person. I was peculiar."-- Rufus Wainwright
I was intending "be" to be taken in a looser sense of the word (as inOriginally Posted by Gegogi
be in a relationship, share feelings, etc.). Something Freudian for the weekend sir?
Bart, sorry you got burned. Women
can be wierd, especially young girls.
I think a lot of women just convince themselves that they
love someone.
"I think a lot of women just
convince themselves that they love someone." I do not think that is it Numanoid.. sometimes, we love because
someone is showing us attention that we are lacking in some areas of our lives. It is a common thing among abused
women, that if someone shows them affection that they are not used to having, or recieving, they will love that
person for the affection that is shared.. Not always a "In Love" but a love none the less... Trust me on this one..
I am a Survivor..
I was reading an interesting
book recently on female sexual choice, both in animals and the human animal. Each chapter opened with a quote or
two, one of which seems particularly apropo.. "Love is the whole history of a woman's life, it is but an episode in
a man's." --Madame de Stael
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetetive electronic music." --Kristian Wilson, Nintendo Inc., 1989
I never thought of that.
That's also why women cheat...not to condone it, but
most cheat because they get attention from other guys that they don't get at home...keep that in mind.
"That's also why women
cheat...not to condone it, but most cheat because they get attention from other guys that they don't get at
home...keep that in mind."
Not all of us are cheaters Pancho.. Some of us do stay faithful regardless of the
situations at home..
Once a cheater always will
be one..
have I ever chated on anyone? hmmmm nope! the question here is had someone cheated on me?
DEFINITELY! and it feels horrible!~ how can the one that says I LOVE YOU! do such degrading thing to you?!! I really
have no words to explain the pain I felt when I found out~! GOD did I wanted to hate him so bad! I was *inlove* but
even then I couldn't forgive the fact he cheated on me the demaged was done (bastard).. Oh one more thing, the
whole thing about maybe cheating on someone because they aren't getting enough attention is just a bunch of
crap! sounds like an excuse to justify such action. The way I see it is, if you want someone else than fine!! but
break up with the one you have at the present moment and save yourself a bunch of hassle & think about the other
person feelings...
Is just wrong to do someone that way...
I was the one who left in
that relationship but now I look back and realized that he was the one who actually took the first step away from
what we once had...
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you can not do."
I never mentioned how many were cheaters...in fact, despite popular belief, studies
show that ~76% of men are likely to be faithful and ~80% of women are likely to be faithful. I was only stating the
main reason why.
You feel alone, you feel like you're with someone who doesn't love you or treat you right
or look at you the way he used to...and a new person comes and gives you the look you've been longing for for
months...or years...and you hate how your life is and you hate how your relationship is and you feel like you're
merely going through the motions. This new guy looks at you like you're the most beautiful person in the world.
You feel the impression you make on him. He adores you, and you miss that treatment so much that you'd like to
break away and spend a guilt-free, passionate weekend with this person.
Note that there's no thought about
spending the rest of your life with this new person or the fact that you hate the old. A lot of times you still
really want to be with who you're currently with but the passion is gone...other times you want to move on but are
afraid to break it because you'll cause more disorder in your life when you believe that you have enough of
already.
But, speaking generally, most women claim to cheat because they don't get enough
attention/love/appreciation at home and any new guy with a glint in his eye could supply that for her.
thats what self pleasurevation
is for...
...I think we're on different pages here...I'm referring to why people are
cheating. Yes, self gratification is a great alternative to cheating if it was just about the sex. Your lover
doesn't want to have sex with you for a few days (sick, stressed, busy, period, all of the above) but really need
to take the edge off, you can take care of business for a while. However, it's not a replacement for a strong
emotional bond. If you're missing that, you have more problems than a lagging sex life. There are people who
cheat who still have sex with their spouses/bfs/gfs but, as I said, it completely lacks passion.
What I'm
trying to say is...
In general, women cheat to fill emotional needs...not to have sex. That doesn't
make it anymore right, but it's just a psychological distinction I have to make because I am, of course,
anal-retentive.
I don't know about you, but I don't think people's right hands make them feel loved...maybe
they're just doing it wrong.
On the other hand, your thought process may make excellent advice for
men...I believe that many times men go astray to satisfy sexual needs, but they may also do so for personal ego
problems, emotional attachment, mid-life crises, etc. In the case that they're just weak and stupid, tell them to
either keep it in their pants or take care of their own business.
Pancho hon, for the last 6
years of my marriage, I wasn't getting satisfaction in any way from my husband.. I stayed for the sake of the
kids.. nothing more.. I did not ever cheat on him, other than in a fantasy perhaps. But never physically. In fact, I
am having a hard time even thinking about finding a new partner.. there are too many things out there that can kill
a person.. My kids need me, and I have to be extremely careful.. no matter what happens in my life.. But thanks for
the info..
Well, then...that would make
you:
a. A good person
b. One of the 80% that are faithful
c. Not weak, stupid, or evil enough to cheat
d.
Not one of the people I'm referring to in my postings
Remember that you can speak with certainty the actions
of many, but don't know jack about the actions of one.
That said, I don't see myself having to make that
choice ("Stay together for the kids" or "divorce") anytime soon. I'm too busy trying to get someone to put up with
me longer than a few months...let alone a lifetime...
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks