question for the guys

[Paul canada]

Hi Dancer:

Why don\'t you just give him a call. At least then you will know the answer.

He will either:

a: give a lame excuse to why he did not call
b: give you a good excuse as why he did not call

You will know right then and there if this guy is worth the time of day. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

just my opinion, and as always like to hear someone elses view

Good luck

Paul

[CJ01]

I disagree in this one, find some other guy or two [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img] (sorry Paul)
It happens though sometimes you meet someone and feel like spending time with them, without thinking of going beyond that. I mean without wanting to see them again on a regular bases or whatever. - A one off event.

On second thoughts...
Maybe if he was the one who asked you out and even paid and everything then it would have been your turn to call and say thanks, just to be polite, maybe you could actually do that and see what happens! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Good luck!
CJ

[jose]

If the guy hasn\'t called by now he\'s not interested sometimes people just don\'t click. On the other hand he is probably seeing other people, and will put Dancer as backup if the others don\'t work out.
http://home.earthlink.net/~joselg [img]images/icons/crazy.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Thanks for your input.

I\'ve got a date with someone else tomorrow.

Plus a guy whom I don\'t like as well keeps calling me and leaving messages (why does it always happen like that?--I mean, the ones you don\'t like are the ones who don\'t give up).

I will figure TuesdayGuy is out of the picture (although it did take him ten days between the two times he called to ask me out, so maybe he is a slow mover, I suppose). Anyway, no time to wait around. I have pheremones to diffuse! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Dancer

I would give it a couple of days, a week the most, then call her.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Dancer

Correction - call him

[**DONOTDELETE**]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by dancer:
[QB]Hi, stressedoutjoe.

[No, I haven\'t really considered calling him. Mostly because I\'ve found that there\'s usually one reason guys don\'t call you again--for whatever reason, they don\'t want to. It\'s usually not that they are trapped under something heavy! ]

What if you\'re wrong, dancer?

Don\'t take it wrong but you are not the center of his universe and vice versa.

But if you don\'t care what the real reason is that he hasn\'t call you yet, then the point is moot isn\'t it?

Time is on nobody\'s side, dancer. And especially not to the ones that waste opportunities.

Joe

[ July 15, 2001: Message edited by: stressedoutjoe ]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Dancer~

I usually call the woman the next day. It lets her know I\'m still interested and that the previous date went well. We talk a bit, set up the next date, whatever. It\'s seems like the considerate, logical thing to do!

[rjm]

Okay, I\'ve read through all the posts in this thread, and figured I\'d jump in. I\'ll assume you have e-mail. Send him a message. It\'s not as potentially stressful as a phone call or face-to-face if it \"No.\"

I personally don\'t set any rules as to when to call, what we must do on the second date, any of that. I don\'t \"play\" at all; if we\'re together and you wanna know, ASK.

I generally just shoot for being comfortable with the female; it cuts through all the crap.

Randy

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Well, since I possess neither his e-mail address nor his phone number, getting in touch would be a little difficult. (I do know where he works, but calling his workplace seems a little stalker-ish.) Besides, by this time I\'ve kinda lost interest. The fellow I had a date with Thursday night (different guy) has already called again to set up a date for next week. He gets points for calling!! He seems like a cool guy anyway. I am looking forward to our next date.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hi Dancer: Pheros are the \"frosting on the cake.\" They are fun to use and its fun to watch the subtle differences. Possibly you also feel more confident when you are wearing the pheros..so that increases the attraction too! Your natural caring attitude toward your dates will go far in influencing them to call you back. Daring D

[rjm]

If there\'s anything there, we\'ll make plans for later. I\'ll let her know when I\'m around, and she\'ll let me know, so we can be expecting a call. Usually, it\'s best to just e-mail me, since I don\'t often answer the phone at home (sales droids). I have to answer it at work, so I avoid it on *MY* time.

As far as those \"rules\" in question are concerned, that\'s just more game-playing, which has probably led to a greater lack of communication and the dissolution of more relationships than any of the other \"help\" offered by the \"experts\" in the past 30 years. If you haven\'t been touched by the psychobabble yet, good; if you have, you know what I mean. This constant \"need\" to practice assertiveness training is the equivalent of 4th graders trying to one-up each other in the playground.

FWIW, I don\'t play games. Here are the \"rules\" I follow:
1. I play straight and expect the same.
2. I don\'t cheat, and demand the same.
3. I take responsibility for my mistakes, and expect the same.

I\'m one of the few people I\'ve ever known who has never been dumped. I have a moral code to which I live, and it does not waiver. There\'s none of this \"tough guy\" crap, nor is there such a dependency that I can\'t pick out my socks without her help.

I don\'t see why so many people have such a hard time just being open and communicating. The first thing to realize is that you and s/he are two different people with different life experiences and therefore different viewpoints. Just communicate, and even if you don\'t agree, be as courteous as you can -- that includes telling the other person when you expect to call them. If you can\'t call them then, call them A.S.A.P. afterward, apologize for leaving them hanging and explain why you boned on your first committment. It ain\'t that tough.

Randy [img]images/icons/cool.gif[/img]

[rjm]

Hey Dancer,

Since you\'ve \"lost interest\" already, I\'d say just chalk it up to life experience. You went out, [probably] had somewhere between an \"alright\" and \"good\" time, and that was that.

The new guy sounds more worthy, and that\'s major. You should know what YOUR worth is, and what you will and will not accept. If the first was so inconsiderate, then forget him. It was an evening out; a time killer.

Fate has delivered you from a putz to someone better.

It can be a royal pain in the butt sifting through the chaff. I know; I\'ve been doing it for far too long myself. I wish you luck on your latest adventure!

Randy

[rjm]

Three posts in a row -- may be a record.

ANYway, dancer,

Just out of curiosity, what\'s \"wrong\" [term used lightly] with the guy you don\'t like?

Lack of morals? Lack of deodorant?

Well, I\'m off for a while - sun\'s coming up; gotta get back in the box! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]

Randy

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hi, Randy,

Thanks for your message. I agree about the chaff!

I had a really nice date last night with the second guy (the one who did call after our first date), and he asked me for a third date. Yay!

You asked what I didn\'t like about the first guy. Well, the reason I lost interest was basically because he wasn\'t interested enough to call me after our date. Doesn\'t mean he\'s a bad guy; I wish him well, wherever he is; but I prefer a guy who seems at least interested enough to punch 7 little buttons.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by dancer:
[QB]Well, since I possess neither his e-mail address nor his phone number, getting in touch would be a little difficult. (I do know where he works, but calling his workplace seems a little stalker-ish.)


Well that changes things then. You\'re right calling his workplace is kind of stalker-ish.

Since you can\'t reach him at home or via the web , even if you wanted to, the ball was in his court.

Good luck Dancer.

Joe

[rjm]

Dancer,

I agree with you and Joe about the stalker bit. At least you didn\'t tie a \"Call Me!\" note to a brick and lob it through his office window. :-)

The guy I was curious about though, was the one where you said:

[Plus a guy whom I don\'t like as well keeps calling me and leaving messages (why does it always happen like that?--I mean, the ones you don\'t like are the ones who don\'t give up).]

Just out of curiosity, were you using around the time he decided to call you?

Yes, I\'ve been on all sides of this one, but I never get a satisfactory answer to some questions, so I figured I\'d ask you about this one.

\'til next,

Randy

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hi, Randy,

Just out of curiousity, are you a male or a female?

[rjm]

Hi Dancer,

For the record, I am a male. As Tim Allen said, grunting is the male language... A simple language, for simple creatures -- MEN! :-)


Of course, this opens the next question as to why do you ask? I doubt you\'re from Pittsburgh, PA, so it\'s not real likely our paths have crossed.

I find it interesting that this ISN\'T the first time that\'s been asked... Even this week... Ah well.

Randy