Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified

with certainty the heaviest element known to science.

The new element,

Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving

it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by

forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called


Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism.

Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount

of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to


Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not

decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy

neutrons exchange places.

Pelosium mass will increase over time, since

each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes.


characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a

critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy

as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.