Question on Eye Contact

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hey guys and gals,

I have a question that I hope when answered, will help me and a few other people. Guys, when you see a woman that you find attractive, how long do you hold her gaze? Until she looks away, until you feel uncomfortable. I noticed I have a problem maintaining so hopefully I can get some feedback on this [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] Also a question for the woman who might be reading...how long is too long for someone to maintain eye contact with you. Thanks in advance for the help!

CT

[Bruce]

Hello,
This is a very interesting subject, that you could probably write an entire book on (maybe there is one already), so there probably aren\'t any pat answers, but if everybody puts in their 2 cents, it should be interesting.
My 2 cents would be that it you have to take the quality as well as the qantity into account. Here in Japan you rarely find anyone making more than the very slightest amount of eye contact. If a woman seems to like you what she will do is simply \"seem to appreciate\" that you are looking directly at her a lot, or you could say \"allow\" you to do that, but she is not going to meet a hard stare at all. I get the feeling that she is just checking to see what the heck you are up to with your gazing and that is it. Then she will make a decision on whether to hang around or not on that basis. I think it has been oft noted that the eyes \"tell it all.\"
One interesting thing you can do is look at yourself in the mirror (when nobody is around of course). I think somebody mentioned practicing your smile in the mirror. You can check out your eyes as well. They go together, don\'t they? I knew a woman in Boston who had a wonderful smile. (great sense of humor too, by the way). I asked her about it. She recommended practicing in the mirror and said \"it starts with the eyes.\"
Cheers,
Bruce

[**DONOTDELETE**]

if i\'m checkin out a girl, i usually just make eye contact for a few seconds and smile. you dont wanna stare too long, or they might think your a weirdo or somthin.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Wow Bruce!, thats very interesting. I knew that the japanese cutlture was a little more \"shy\" but I didn\'t think that eye contact was part of it. Does this mean that its very hard to get a date in Japan? What happens if you look at a Japanese girl for too long? I think I read something you posted that said that you have alot of Asian male customers. Now I know y lol.
Dewa-mata ^_^

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I had a lot of funny experiences with this eye contact thing. When i was younger, I can never look into a stranger woman\'s eyes. I make sure to take my eyes off her as soon as she notices i\'m looking at her.

Now its different. When I like the girl, i try to look at her until she sees me. And a lot of times, they just lock their eyes on mine and i don\'t look away first. What i do is if i think she\'s fighting me with the \"who blinks first game\", then i start to smile and very often, they smile back and say hi. But a lot of times, they look away then fix their hair or look down on their chest. A surge of confidence in my whole body follows after this.

The most strange i had so far is when i was walking by and i saw a cute blonde girl, we locked our eyes and i kept walking towards her direction, then as the other people pass by in between us, they kinda covered our line of sight but when they cleared, our eyes were still locked. This time i had to look away first because i passed by her and if i stayed on her, i would have to walk backwards. [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

[a.k.a.]

It varies a lot.

(Sorry for the cop out answer. This is a good question. But I tend to follow my instincts. If she seems like someone I should talk to, I tend to hold it long, for example. If she seems a bit nervous I smile and then look away as soon as she smiles back - or especially if she doesn\'t smile back. If she seems curious I might smile or I might say \"hi\"... Hard to say.)

[Watcher]

You should get a feel for the situation and then play it as you go you can only go nowhere and find someone else to have a go at.

[Bruce]

Puppy Chan,
I always thought you might be Japanese, because of the \"chan\" in your name, the Japanese style emoticons and now the \"dewa mata\". Am I wrong? Same with Ko Inu san.
Bruce

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Everyone,

Thanks for the replies. I\'ll take them all into consideration. I guess there is no set way to make eye contact. I\'ll just try to do what comes natural without being too passive with it. Thanks again!

[img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

[Watcher]

When trying to find someone some of us take a while to get the hang of it. Anyway with eye contact try different things just experiment until you find something that works a larger percentage of the time.