FIRST DIHL AND SOME ADVICE PLEASE

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hello fellow phero users,

I went out to a club on tuesday night with two of my friends from uni. It was a spur of the moment thing and it was a good nite. i have been to that particular club often and had much success with JB1, although I havn\'t followed through on any of the hits ( I have a gf - although the relationship is lacking, my gf is not with me in the way that I truly want her to be - oh yess she hasa also cheated on me, several times however I don\'t think she knows that I know) Anyway, I wore JB1 again in which I added some AE to the mix. I got many stares and many girls trying to get into me, but I wasn\'t interested and also I have never cheated on my gf. As the nite wore on, these two girls started dancing beside us and they stayed there for ages. My friend eventually plucked up the courage to talk to one of the girls and the other girl was there left dancing herself so I hit her with a few of the lines - I had no intention to go with her, I was just having a laugh. Anyway, over the next 2 minutes when I leaned forward to speak to her, she began to put her hand on me, or her arm round my neck, however I still never acted on it. Then it happened - I leaned forward and said something to her and again she put her arm around me, and when I pulled away again I got an absolute DIHL. It was unmistakeable - I have been using pheros for a few months and never had one so I felt unsure what to look for but it is obvious when it happens. She just stared into my eyes for like 10 full seconds, and then I leant forward to say something to her and she moved my face round and kissed me (the girl had tact, I mean most girls just attack you with a wide open, gaping mouth but she just gave me a nice soft kiss - obviously testing the water) I leaned back and looked at her, she still had that look in her eye, then I leaned forward and kissed her and leaned back again. As far as I was concerned it was her move. Then she leaned forward and we started kissing. It felt great, my gf hasn\'t kissed me that way in over a year and when I try to kiss her like that she just pushes me away. We kissed for about 30 minutes and then she asked for my fone number. I wasn\'t prepared for that and I gave her a fake number and told her a different name. Her friend wants to see my mate again and there is a chance that that girl may want to see me again - what do you guys think I should do?

Have any of you guys been in that position before? I mean, I know I am playing with fire but my gf, although she says she loves me, doesn\'t show me much affection or intimacy any more, and don\'t ask me when the last time we had sex was.

Do you think I should just go for it and hit her with some of the Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction and get that relationship that I want?

Any advice would be appreciated

Paul c

[Bruce]

Hello Paul C,
I don\'t think you are doing something all that \"bad\" under the circumstances, but I strongly advise you to break off with your girlfriend first and THEN definitely: go for it dude. Normally, I would say somethng like: sit down and have a talk with your gf about where the realationship is going, about her cheating etc. and see what she has to say, but you seem like a really kind gentle guy, which is great, but I am afraid she is going to manipulate you into maintaining the relationship while she doesn\'t put anything in and cheats on the side. This will force you into cheating too in order to get some genuine affection, and the whole thing becomes a mess. I have seen this type of thing happen before. It often happens in marriages of course for various more serious logistic reasons (not mine btw), but in your case, there is no reason to put all of the people involved thru that mess. Just cut the cord, get the heck out and find yourself a REAL gf!
I wish you courage and good luck,
Bruce

[jose]

Well normally this isn\'t a relationship board, but I\'ll give my two cents. Let\'s look at the signs-
She cheated on you,she\'s not having sex with you often, and she pushes you away. Looks like to me she\'s not attracted to you anymore and is just hanging around because of the guilt, eventually she\'s going to break up with you. I suggest you leave immediately, the main point is she\'ll probably do it again. The question I have for you is the girl that you met at the club are you just going to use her for sex or for a relationship? It seems you weren\'t that interested in her anyway. Providing she doesn\'t kick you in the balls for giving her a fake name and number. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]

[travis]

I\'m with Bruce and Jose...this situation is familiar to me. I had a GF long time ago who did the same way as your GF. If she cheated you, chances she will cheat you again and again. Youv\'e got to move on and don\'t waste your time hanging around her. There are plenty of fish in the ocean.

Travis

[travis]

Another thing Paul....Bruce is right...talk to her and let her know that you know that she was cheating on you.That way she knows that you are not stupid and had been fooled.

Travis

[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Travis ]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

paul c-

In addition to taking the advice of Bruce, jose, and Travis to heart, I want you to also consider the following:

Other people always treat you based off how you treat yourself. If your girlfriend knows you roll over and willingly accept her bullshit, then why wouldn\'t she want to have her cake and eat it too? She has you to take her out to dinner, and buy her gifts, and then she goes out and screws some other guy who she is physically \"attracted\" to...

Break it off with her, and let her know you\'re aware of her unfaithful behavior, but don\'t get emotional when you do it. Be very matter-of-fact and stick to your guns. Don\'t let her talk you back into staying together...

If she truly wants to be with you, she needs to respect you first.

I went through something like this in college about 10 years ago. After breaking up in the above manner I described(for the same reason as you, paul) with this absolutely hot blonde, the instant change in her demeanor was amazing. FYI, I never met with her again, but she must have called me back 10 times over the next 6 months...

Go for it!

Sorry for being so long winded...

southerncal

[**DONOTDELETE**]

the question is, will this new girl still accept you after you gave her a fake name and number? i don\'t think it\'ll be that fiery anymore even if she still accepts you, maybe for sex but for a serious relationship (which you really want), do you think the girl will not consider what you did as already cheating?

regardless, you should break up immediately with this old girlfriend. the rule is always be the dumper and not the dumpee. that way, even if you are the loser because she cheated on you, you appear to be the stronger one because you still have your self-esteem with you which is very important in keeping your self-confidence. now if you break-up make sure you are that strong and you will never get back with her.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Also, consider this idea: If she never wants sex (which almost all younger people love) she might STILL be cheating on you. She might be getting the sex elsewhere and not be in the mood to do it with you because she\'s already getting it somewhere else. I say ditch her and find someone else who is more faithful.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Time to move on find someone who respects you for the person you are. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[travis]

edited my last post.

Travis

[CJ01]

Paul,
I´ve only read your intitial post and not the others but here goes: If you want to see you again why not? I´m not in favour of cheating on ones partner especially for all the health risks involved but it sounds to me like your relationship with your girlfriend is not good at all. So if you really like this other girl why not spend some time with her? I mean you can let her know that you`re in a relationship and don´t plan on being unfaithful and either she respects that or she doesn´t want to know.

Another thing though if one of my friends male or female would tell me what you wrote in your post I´d advise them to dump that particular partner (going just by the info you posted). Your girlfriend doesn´t seem to show you much affection which must be a bit hurtful.

At second glance...
On the other hand if she does love you, which you seem to be convinced of, then there might be a (or several) serious reasons why she behaves that way towards you. Maybe you could try to get to the bottom of all this by talking to her and asking her why she´s acting like this, ( not being very warm towards you, being unfaithful and so on..).

There´s two main option as far as I can tell here: either she´s a cow or she has some genuine emotional problems. If that´s the case don´t focus on how often you two have sex that would be the worst mistake you can make.

errr I´m rambling on too much didn´t mean to... so I´ll stop. good luck
CJ [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Thanks to all those who replied to my post.

first of all, to jose - I am not the kind of person to be with a girl just for sex, it would have to be more meaningful than that.

I realise that I will have messed up with the girl I met, to be honest I panicked, it was the first time I have cheated.

A couple of months ago, this gorgeous girl asked to go with me at the same club and I had to turn her down. Later that night she came over to talk to me and appoligised for asking saying she didn\'t know I had a gf - how many girls do you think would do that?

With regards to my gf cheating, I found out by accident. This is the confusing thing - she took me to Gran Canaria for my 21 birthday which was in January and it was during the holiday that I found out. According to my gf there was a mistake with the tickets home, or something like that but I never bothered about it. Anyway, we were round at the pool one day and I went back to get a drink. I happened to see her bag that had the tickets and I thought I would have a look at them to see what was the problem. As I put the tickets back into the bag I saw 2 small note pads. I remembered on the plane that she was writing some stuff with regards to her work and I thought at the time it was interesting so I decided to see what it was. Unfortunately I picked up the wrong pad - it was a makeshift diary talking about how this guy wasn\'t foning her and how she was trying to get over him. AND THIS WAS THE KILLER. MY BIRTHDAY WAS ON JANUARY THE 10 AND SHE HAPPENED TO GO OUT FOR A DRINK WITH HER PALS THAT NITE AFTER WORK. hER DIARY SAID \"JAN 10- MET A GUY CALLED GARETH, THOUGHT HE WAS A WIERDO ALTHOUGH WE SPENT ABOUT HALF AN HOUR KISSING\" THAT WAS ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

To be honest my feelings for her are not that strong anymore.

Just to make a few points:

I am not the type of person who tries to hurt people

I don\'t tell lies (my gf didn\'t even know i was out that nite)

and I would never just be with someone for sex because it is not fair to them.

all my uni friends are going mad at me telling me to dump my gf because she is walking all over me, however there is an element of perhaps, fear, because I have never been at this stage of a relationship before. However I think you guys are right, I owe it to myself to finish it with the gf and get someone else that appreciates me.

On the bright side of things, I know what mistakes I made with my gf and therefore I will know not make them again.

If the girl I met decides to atleast speak to me after giving her a fake name I will just tell her the truth and she can take it or leave it - either way my conscience will be clear.

Paul c

[Watcher]

Talk to her, confront her about the cheating if she denies it but doesnt deny it (half hearted or confesses to it - well then if you want to break it off then you will have a valid excuse (avoid any emotional games just say that she hasnt been faithfull and you probably have tried to talk about it or get close to her again and if she has cheated well then thats why - in that case kick her ass to the curb and go again with someone else whos into you.) There is obviously no shortage of prospects out there.

On the other hand if she hasnt cheated and has some emotional problems well work em out or give her some breathing space.

My bet is shes cheating so kick that ass to the curb for good.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Hmmmm, if I have gotten this right you seem proud of the fact that you haven´t cheated on your girlfrien(which you know have cheated on you on several occasions)???
what´s wrong with this picture!!
DUDE, GO FOR IT!
However the fake name/number to the girl that was obviously into you...... Chances are she has tried to call, you most likely have blown it with her.
If she has tried to call and that didn´t blow it with her she is probably a sucker for punishment and a woman like that.....don´t get me started.

Satan

As far as your GF is concerned...she is obviously not interested in working on her relationship with you so if I where you I would dump her!

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Okay. Here\'s a woman\'s perspective on this issue. I will be blunt! I was in a serious relationship as well for 1 month ago for 4 YEARS. WE broke up b/c there\'s too many issues involved (love, marriage, etc).

Needless to say, IT IS NOT WORTH BEING SECOND BEST! Get out before it is too late.

YOU know what, I am just having the most amazing time ... playing the fields ... THAT IS WHY I ordered pheromones. Will give me more advantage. lol [img]images/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

[**DONOTDELETE**]

It shouldn\'t be too hard paul c, all you have to do is tell her you don\'t like what\'s going on anymore, actually you don\'t have to explain, as long as you say the line \"this is going nowhere, so let\'s end it.\", she knows what you are talking about. Just do it as if you are talking to her as you normally would and don\'t show that you feel sorry for doing this. Walk away as soon as possible after saying it, and avoid explaining your side because women are pretty good at turning things around. Just remember that whatever you do, this is not going any further and remember that if you are the one who ended it first, it will only make you feel better but she is the one to end it, you\'ll feel that you are the most pitiful loser in the world. So which one do you like to be?

[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Redcapp ]

[a.k.a.]

Paul,

I have been in a similar situation. Although I didn’t know for a fact that my gf was seeing other guys. (Just had my suspicions.) Met a really hot girl. Didn’t kiss, just shared some intimate conversation. I felt very strongly for her but decided to stay faithful to a gf that kept finding excuses not to be with me. Several weeks later she dumped me.

It’s probably too late for the girl you gave the wrong number to, but it’s way past time to cut the heartstrings with your “girlfriend”. The longer you stay with her the more it’s going to drag your self-esteem. This is like a vicious cycle: lower self-esteem - less desire from your girlfriend - less satisfaction from your relationship - more temptation to hook up with someone else - lower self-esteem... This creates misery for you, guilt for your “girlfriend”, misery for other girls that might take a shine to you...

It seems as if nothing good can come out of this relationship. And it’s up to you to break it off.

And the next time something like this happens, follow through.

My two cents.

Good Luck