Darwin Awards


These are my favorite literary quotations!
"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent

of human stupidity." --Voltaire
"Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do."

--Bertrand Russell
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way." --Albert Camus

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." --Elbert Hubbard

two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity." --Harlan Ellison
"Just think

how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George


"A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice." --Bill


"Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match." --Karl Kraus

"Let us be thankful for the fools; but for them the rest of us could not succeed."

"If all the fools of the world should die, lordly God how lonely I would be."

--Mark$nbsp;Twain (personal correspondence)
"...there are some things that can beat smartness and

foresight. Awkwardness and stupidity can. The best swordsman in the world doesn't need to fear the second best

swordsman in the world; no, the person for him to be afraid of is some ignorant antagonist who has never had a sword

in his hand before; he doesn't do the thing he ought to do, and so the expert isn't prepared for him."

"Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold

there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass." --Mark$nbsp;Twain
"It is a solemn thought: Dead,

the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork." --Mark$nbsp;Twain
"Be virtuous and you will be

eccentric." --Mark$nbsp;Twain
"In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it

seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity." --Konrad Adenauer
"The dumbest people I

know are those who know it all." --Malcom Forbes
"There is no sin except stupidity."

--Oscar Wilde
"As crazy as carrying timber into the woods" --Roman idiom for


"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? ~Will Rogers
"Life is

pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." -Isaac Asimov
"Comedy is simply a funny

way of being serious." -Peter Ustinov
Mel Brooks said, "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk

into an open sewer and die."
"I'm my own worst enemy." -PINK
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in

vain." -Friedrich von Schiller
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all

doubt." -Abraham Lincoln
"Darwinian Man, though well-behaved, at best is but a monkey shaved." From Gilbert and

Sullivan's Princess Ida opera; a considerable insult to monkeys!
"He who hesitates... is sometimes saved."

-James Thurber
"Human beings can always be counted on," says Dean Koontz in False Memory, "to assert with

vigor their God-given right to be stupid."
"I did not go to his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I

approved of it." -Mark$nbsp;Twain
"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is

like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone." Lady Bracknell, Royal Patron to the

Darwin Awards, in Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.

"If all else fails, immortality

can always be assured by spectacular error." Observation by economist John Kenneth Galbraith.

some Power the gift would give us, to see ourselves as others see us! It would from many a blunder free us, and

foolish notion." -Robert Burns
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to

"Natural laws have no pity." -Robert Heinlein
"Nothing is more trifling than to treat serious matters

triflingly, so nothing carries better grace than to discourse of trifles as a man may seem to have intended them

least. I have praised Folly, but not altogether foolishly." From Desiderius Erasmus' The Praise of

meant to justify laughing at tragedy.

"Only two things are infinite -- the universe and human

stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the Universe." Albert Einstein, Scientific Advisor to the Darwin


"Stupidity cannot be cured. Stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death.

There is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity." Thus spake Lazarus Long

in Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein.

"The best laid schemes of mice and men go oft astray." -Robert

"They've been treating these chimpanzees less than human." -New Mexico Senator Mary Jane Garcia
"Think of

it as evolution in action." Quote from a sign above a favorite suicide jump spot in Niven & Pournelle's Oath of


"Those whom life does not cure, death will." -Cormac McCarthy
"Though the mills of God grind slowly,

yet they grind exceeding small. Though with patience He stands waiting, with exactness grinds He all." -Friedrich

Von Logau
"What separates man from other animals in this world is humanity." New Mexico Senator Roman Maes

explaining his opposition to the death penalty.
As Douglas Adams said, "Life is wasted on the living."

Award contenders would do well to remember the wise words of Brooke Shields: "If you're killed, you've lost a very

important part of your life."
Darwin Awards epitomize the view of Ralph Waldo Emerson, that "all life is an

Frank Zappa observed, "It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with

stupidity, and make it work for you."
James Watson, co-discoverer of the helical structure of DNA, thinks

stupidity could one day be be corrected by gene therapy. "If you're really stupid, I would call that a disease," he

said. "I'd like to get rid of (stupidity)."
From New Scientist, 2-28-03
The Darwin Awards

illustrate Mark$nbsp;Twain's observation that "Man is the only animal that blushes -- or has reason to."

existence of Darwin Awards shows that we apparently do need common sense warnings like, "Caution: Batman cape does

not enable wearer to fly."
Upon hearing about Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species, the alarmed wife of

the Bishop of Worcester exclaimed, "Descended from the apes! My dear, let us hope that it is not true, but if it is,

let us pray that it will not become generally known."
"Common sense is not so common." -Voltaire
"Common sense

is perhaps the most equally divided, but surely the most underemployed, talent in the world." -Christine Collange

"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." -Herbert Spencer

"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." --John Wayne
"The problem with the gene pool is that

there is no lifeguard." -Steven Wright
"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If

we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs. We should test them for

stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power." -P.J. O'Rourke
"Humans are not the end result of predictable

evolutionary progress, but rather a fortuitous... twig on the enormously arborescent bush of life" -Stephen J. Gould

"One small (mis)step for man, one giant leap for mankind." -Neil Armstrong
"Don't approach a goat from the

front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side." -Jewish Proverb
"If there are no stupid questions, then

what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" -Scott Adams

are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." -Benjamin Franklin
"Human beings, who are almost

unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent

disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See
"Some humans would do anything to see if it

was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World

Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH," the paint wouldn't even have time to dry." - Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

"Such as his life such was his end."

1611 French/English Dictionary

"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by

There is a fine line between recklessness and courage...
--Paul McCartney

It may

be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others." -->