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  1. #1
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Oct 2002
    Lower Slovobia
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    Default Drafting Guys over 60

    Drafting Guys over 60

    New Direction for the war on terrorists.

    Send Service Vets over


    I am over 60

    and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

    They've got the whole thing ass backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old

    guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

    For starters:

    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10

    seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per

    day to concentrate on the enemy.

    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. My

    back hurts! I can't sleep; I'm tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that

    desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

    An 18 -year-old doesn't even like to get up before

    10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and

    since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because

    we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real



    camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food.

    We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the

    house, away from the screaming and yelling.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course,

    however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever

    do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. in the new army now, Get down and give me.

    ER ... one.

    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a



    18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a

    pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his


    These are

    all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's


    Let us old

    guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a

    couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitude and automatic weapons who know that their best years are

    already behind them.

    If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we will have it secured the first


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    with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
    Phero Guru Rbt's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    Midwest US
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    Ain't gonna work.

    The Geneva

    Convention banned gas warfare, and there is a good reason why they call us "old farts...".

    Ambushes are out too.

    Not only the flatulence fragrances, but the creaking joints would be a giveaway as well.

    Ever try to go "over

    the top" with a walker? In fact it would not longer be "over the top," but "over the hill" (and even a small slope

    could be a challenge).

    Plus I misplaced my draft registration card at least 30 years ago. Should try to find it

    as I think it was signed by President Eisenhower and the autograph could get be some bucks on eBay. (Okay that is a

    joke, as draft cards wern't signed by anybody of note...).
    The opposite of love isn't hate.
    It's apathy

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