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  1. #1
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    Talking And then the fight started!

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    1)

    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.



    And then the fight started ...

    2) My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we

    were in bed.

    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex? 'No,' she answered.

    I then said, 'Is

    that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd

    like to phone a friend.'

    And then the fight started ...

    3) After retiring, I went to the Social

    Security office to apply for Social Security.

    The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to

    verify my age.

    I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

    I told the woman that I was

    very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

    So I

    opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for

    me.' And she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my

    experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

    Disability, too'

    And then the fight started ...

    4) Saturday morning; I got up early, quietly

    dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

    I hooked up the boat up to the

    truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the

    garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house,

    quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different

    anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can

    you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

    And then the fight started ...

    5) My wife and

    I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady wigging her drink as she

    sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend.

    I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober

    since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

    And then

    the fight started ...

    6) I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly

    the other driver got out of his car.

    You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things

    just
    seem funny?

    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... He was a DWARF!!!

    He stormed over to my car, looked

    up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

    So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are

    you?'

    And then the fight started ...

    7) I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,

    took my order first.

    'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

    He said, 'Aren't you worried

    about the mad cow?'

    'Nah, she can order for herself.'

    And then the fight started ...

    8) A

    woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She is not happy with what she sees and says to her

    husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

    The husband

    replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect!'

    That's when I was killed.
    Last edited by MOBLEYC57; 02-10-2009 at 10:44 AM.
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

  2. #2
    King of the coupons!
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    6981

    Talking Part Ii

    9) My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

    She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said,

    'Dust.'


    And that’s when the fight started...



    10)

    My wife was

    hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
    anniversary.

    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
    to 150 in

    about 3 seconds.'


    I bought her a scale.

    And that’s when the fight started...



    11)

    I tried to talk

    my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
    $14.95.

    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.




    I told her the beer would make her look better

    at night than the
    cold

    cream.


    And

    that’s when the fight started....


    12) My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look

    big.


    I told her

    not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.


    And that’s when the fight

    started.....


    13)

    A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent

    babies.
    Suddenly, at

    3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.




    The woman,

    bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
    the man

    'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'



    So the man

    jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out
    the window.

    He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
    thorn bush and

    to his car as fast as he could go.


    A few minutes later, he returned

    and went up to the bedroom and
    screamed at the woman, 'I AM

    your husband!'



    The woman yelled back,

    'Yeah, then why were you running?'


    And that’s when the fight started.....



    14)

    I asked my wife,

    "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"




    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet

    appreciation.


    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.



    So I suggested, "How about the

    kitchen?"


    And

    that's when I got killed.
    Never argue with ignorant people! They pull you down to THEIR level, and then they BEAT YOU with experience. Who said that!? I don't know, but tis gold I tell'ya!!

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