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  1. #1
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Church Bulletins

    visit-red-300x50PNG
    They're Back!

    Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!
    Thank God for church ladies with computers. These sentences actually appeared

    in church bulletins
    or were announced in church services (Summer, 2006 Release).


    -------------------------------------------------- --------


    The Fasting & Prayer Conference

    includes meals.



    ----------------------------------------------------------


    The sermon this

    morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'




    ----------------------------------------------------------


    Our youth basketball team is back in action

    Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.




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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.

    It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.




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    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today

    has been canceled due to a conflict.


    ----------------------------------------------------------


    Remember

    in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone

    who doesn't care much about you.


    ---------------------------------------------------------


    Don't

    let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


    ------------ ---------------------------------------------




    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.




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    For those of you who have children and don't

    know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


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    Next

    Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.




    ----------------------------------------------------------


    The Pastor will preach his farewell message,

    after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'




    ---------------------------------------------------------


    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married

    on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.




    ---------------------------------------------------------


    At the evening service tonight, the sermon

    topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.




    ---------------------------------------------------------


    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due

    to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.




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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and

    other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.




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    Please place your donation in the envelope

    along with the deceased person you want remembered.


    ---------------------------------------------------------




    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.




    -------------------------------------------------


    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and

    medication to follow.


    ------------------------------------------------ ---------


    The ladies of the

    Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


    ---

    -------------------------------- ------ -----------------


    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in

    the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.




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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday

    morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.




    ----------------------------------------------------------


    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies

    of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.




    --------------------------------------------


    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.

    Please use the back door.


    ------- --------------------------------------------------


    The

    eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is

    invited to attend this tragedy.


    ----------------------------------------------------------


    Weight

    Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.




    ----------------------------------------------------------


    The Associate Minister unveiled the

    church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.



    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
    Moderator idesign's Avatar
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    Default

    I've seen those before and

    they're great. There was another list, of kid's comments, wish I could find it. I do remember this

    one...

    "Lot's wife was a pillar of salt, but at night she was a ball of fire."

    Pretty obscure but very funny.

    Raise your hand if you laughed.


  3. #3
    Administrator Bruce's Avatar
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    Default

    My favorite...
    Low Self Esteem

    Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

    - Buddha


    Yoga in Eugene
    Fair Trade crafts from Peru

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