ROMANCE MATHEMATICS




Smart man + smart woman = romance




Smart man + dumb woman = affair



Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy




OFFICE ARITHMETIC




Smart boss + smart employee = profit



Smart boss + dumb employee = production


Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion


Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime




SHOPPING MATH




A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.



A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that

she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS &

STATISTICS



A woman worries about the future until she gets a

husband.


A man never worries about the

future until he gets a wife.

A successful

man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.



A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




HAPPINESS




To be happy with a man, you must understand

him a lot and love him a little.


To be

happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



LONGEVITY




Married men live longer than single men do,

but married men are a lot more willing to die.




PROPENSITY TO CHANGE




A woman marries a man expecting he will

change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a

woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE




A woman has the last word in any argument.





Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.




STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT

GETTING MARRIED



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,

poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'



They stopped after I started doing the same

thing to them at funerals.