a

Republican today:

WHAT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO

BE A REPUBLICAN TODAY...



1. Jesus loves you, and

shares your hatred of the environment, homosexuals, and

Hillary.



2. Saddam was a good guy

when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush'sdaddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,

anda bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"

diversion.



3. Trade with Cuba is

wrong because the country is Communist, but tradewith China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international

harmony.



4. The United States

should get out of the United Nations, and ourhighest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against

Iran.



5. A woman can't be

trusted with decisions about her own body, butmulti-national corporations can make decisions affecting all

mankindwithout regulation.



6. The best way to

improve military morale is to praise the troops inspeeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat

pay.



7. If condoms are kept

out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,then demand

their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providinghealth care to

all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companieshave the best interests of the public at

heart.



10. Global warming and

tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, butcreationism should be taught in

schools.



11. A president lying

about an extra-marital affair is an impeachableoffense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in

whichthousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in theConstitution, which

include banning gay marriages and censoring theInternet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, butGeorge Bush's

driving and military records are none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're aconservative

radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayersfor your

recovery.



15. What Bill Clinton did

in the 1960s is of vital national interest,but what Bush did in the '60s is

irrelevant.



Friends don't let friends

vote Republican!---