How to be an Alpha Male

[HornyMan]

"As for

alpha male picking up kleenex I think thats disgusting. Alpha is not the equivalent of janitor. I think alpha would

pikc up his own kleenex but make a note to the management of "maintaneance engineers" to take care of the

kleenex"

Alpha knows that it's something that needs to be done right away. He just does it, gets it over

with, takes on the responsibility of setting an example for his lessers (like yourself) to follow, knows that the

image of the company suffers while it lies there, knows that scheduling the maintenance department to do it is a big

waste of time. If that sounds disgusting to you think about the policeman who is constantly getting vomit from

drunks and druggies on themself and in their patrol car; the nurse who is always taking care of incontinent patients

and has to clean them, the soldier who has to watch their buddy while his guts are pouring out of him after being

shot, I could go on and on.

Picture the alpha walking along the corridor and seeing that kleenex,

unbeknownst to him the CEO is behind him, the CEO has also seen the kleenex and wonders what the alpha is going to

do, then guess who gets promoted soonest.

I have no idea if Depp or Pitt would stoop to pick it up, I

don't know either of them except from their acting. I imagine though that most stars would not pick it up. I also

think that most of them are not all that alpha, they are actors and need direction from the certainly alpha

director.

Koolking1

I am not alpha in the dressing sense. I despise SUITS. Or colours that are not

fashionable.

I would never be able to mix in with a bunch of executives wearing armani suits no matter how

much $ they paid me. It's just not me. The rich look makes me feel out of place.

On the other hand I like

the cool look. Blazer jackets with flashy shirts or plains black or white shirts/tshirts with jeans. Perhaps longer

hair (not too long) , maybe coloured.

I also think that my personality has to match. I have to be cool, yet

confident, charismatic yet not an ass kisser.

When making friends I choose to act out my emotions. When I'm

upset I don't keep it bottled inside I speak it out. With the right tone.

TONALITY. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.

POSTURE.

Having a melodic voice as opposed to constantly monotone. Have a new expression on my face for

every feeling that goes through it. Having posture suitable for different sitations.

So my question to you

is, is there a COOL mone?

We've seen sex mones, nice guy mones, father figure mones, mone combos. A314 was

said to make ones posture change to being more alpha with respect to how they sit , stand up. Its not just an act

folks I've experienced it with my own eyes.

Is there a mone that makes you act like a laid back cool DEPP

when posing for the camera?

P.S. My obsession with depp is purely due to his acting. He is my idol for 20

years now as an actor.

[koolking1]

no, I

don't think there is one. There are "cool" people though. If you wear the clothes that you said you like to wear

and put on some SOE, people will gravitate towards you. If some wino laying on the street with a brown paper bag

puts on some SOE, I'm afraid it's not going to help him much. There has to be some confirmation between the

visual and the olfactory senses of equalness. Mones enhance what you are if you are what people like already. If

you are already "cool", you can be cooler yet with mones.

[Rbt]

A couple of quick thoughts:

To

me an Alpha Male will dress, groom, and act in a way *true* to himself. Not a dog of "fashion." He would still fit

in with his suuroundings. Appropriate attire for the situation he is in - as if he is "at home," comfortable, and

where he belongs. (A suit where a suit is appropriate. A good shirt and sweater a la Bill Gates where that attire is

appropriate,, etc).

But you have to adapt not only to the situation and your own personality, but your age as

well... "slowing down" your movements will probably work well for a younger person, but as an "old fart" (over 50)

if I start slowing down any more I'll look senile, not alpha....

[koolking1]

I know a very high ranking

diplomat from a Nordic country. He gets his "alpha" on by speaking so softly that you can barely hear him, to me

it's annoying but he does force you to come to him, otherwise you wouldn't be able to hear him at all.

[HornyMan]

no, I

don't think there is one. There are "cool" people though. If you wear the clothes that you said you like to wear

and put on some SOE, people will gravitate towards you. If some wino laying on the street with a brown paper bag

puts on some SOE, I'm afraid it's not going to help him much. There has to be some confirmation between the

visual and the olfactory senses of equalness. Mones enhance what you are if you are what people like already. If

you are already "cool", you can be cooler yet with mones.

Mr KoolKing1:

I understand you have to

dress the part and act the part and verbalize the part. COOL.

Just curious why SOE? Why not another

mone?

HM

[koolking1]

You could substitute any

mone, I just used SOE as an example.

[belgareth]

To me an

Alpha Male will dress, groom, and act in a way *true* to himself. Not a dog of "fashion." He would still fit in with

his suuroundings. Appropriate attire for the situation he is in - as if he is "at home," comfortable, and where he

belongs. (A suit where a suit is appropriate. A good shirt and sweater a la Bill Gates where that attire is

appropriate,, etc).

But you have to adapt not only to the situation and your own personality, but your age as

well... "slowing down" your movements will probably work well for a younger person, but as an "old fart" (over 50)

if I start slowing down any more I'll look senile, not alpha....

In my own case I have several

very nice suits that I wear well. Haven't worn any of them more than a half dozen times altogether. Instead, my

attire is what I choose to wear, very casual and for my personal comfort without the slightest regard for whether

anybody else likes it or not. If I am not wearing jeans or khakis I am wearing shorts and no shoes. And for a shirt

I am almost always wearing a light polo shirt or tee shirt. My shoes usually range from sandals to tennis shoes and

flip flops. On the other hand my movements are quick and precise. Despite missing most of my hair and the balance

being nearly white, most people have a hard time believing I am 51 years old.

Am I an alpha? That's a good

question. I am a leader in many ways and have been most of my life even though I rarely want the job of leading.

Even in my little business I am usually telling people to stop, think and make decisions because I don't want

people who have to be told every time they need to blow their own noses. Any of you who have been here any length of

time know what happens when I get into a confrontation but I never hold a grudge either here or in person.

The

gist of all this babble is that I get hits regularly from females starting as young as 16 and going to as old as 60,

whether I am wearing mones or not. There are more hits while wearing mones but that is the main difference. The

mones add to what I already am. The most important things are to be who and what you are, take good care of yourself

and learn to be self confident. Being a clothes rack or learning all this PUA stuff might help you some but being a

man is going to do a lot more. A point to remember though is that I cannot attest to any results in common venues

like bars or clubs, I avoid such places. Instead, I meet people, men and women both, in my daily life. When I meet

them I am self confident, cheerful, funny and, most importantly, myself. It isn't hard to do and is a lot more fun

than trying to be something you aren't.

[HornyMan]

That's a very insightful post

Belgareth.
HM

[Kveldulf]

Guy

101

I know in the book the author talks about body language and over 20 "killers" men do every day to ruin their

chances with women.

Can you list several of these from the book? What kind of body language mistakes are

there?

Going back to the book in question, I also am interested in just what these might be. Or if

anyone in the more general discussion of "alpha-ness" has ideas on what such "killers" might be?

Thanks!

[idesign]

An alpha

is more often the one who can nurture others, help them out and encourage them with no thought of reward. People

listen to him and follow him willingly without the bluster, bravado and bullshit. He has the courage to follow what

he believes is right by his own standards without worrying whether others approve of his actions.

The asshole

that mistreats his woman or children, or the one who is always loud and boisterous to garner attention, the classic

jerk, is never an alpha. The guy ho treats others with respect while maintaining his own self respect is the alpha.

The guy that gives and gives and allows others to walk all over him is not an alpha either. An alpha sets his

parameters for personal relations and follows those rules because he believes that way.

Pretty bad that we can

only seem to define something through negative examples, isn't it?

You gave some pretty important

positives here, and showing negatives is illustrative.

Building on your example, an alpha leads from inner

qualities, often without even trying. Among his strengths is being able to recognize and encourage strength in

others, without being threatened.

Courage is an interesting choice of words, and is perfect if you understand it

properly. In my view, courage is not fearlessness, but taking positive action despite the natural fears we all

possess.

[belgareth]

Courage

is an interesting choice of words, and is perfect if you understand it properly. In my view, courage is not

fearlessness, but taking positive action despite the natural fears we all possess.

Exactly! It was meant

just as you defined it. Doing something when you have no fear of consequences is not courage. It may be stupidity to

not fear consequences though. Courage is standing up and doing what you need to do despite your knees being made of

rubber, your whole body shakes and all you want to do is run like hell.

[idesign]

It's

interesting because many alpha traits, IMO, are counterintuitive to an immature understanding.

For example, a

really essential trait is humility. All the greats I meet are just really, really modest and humble, while at the

same time acting confidently in their role as steward of a situation. They understand how difficult meaningful

things are, and how insignificant their talents, efforts and accomplishments are in the bigger picture. (Remember

Bruce's Mother Teresa quote? Bruce is the alpha here, and look how humble he is...) If only I knew then what I know

now...

A person is best off just being themselves, and learning to be OK with that. This, however, is a

mouthful to say.

Agree Doc. Humility is one of the "hidden" strengths.

An alpha by nature wields

power by virtue of his innate qualities. I think the judicious restraint of power is the mark of a leader. Without

humility there is no restraint.

Whether you're religious or not, Jesus is the perfect example. Having power,

but recognizing that there is a power above you.

Submission is another counterintuitive word. An alpha will

submit intelligently to those above him, and to influences beyond his control or influence, while working within

those constraints to achieve the best possible result.

In my professional career, its interesting that to the

degree that I defer to other's opinions, when they have good ideas, the more I'm respected and deferred

to.

Just being yourself... That's such good advice, truly it is, but often so hard to accomplish,

particularly in this culture which secretly demands alphas to lead but loudly proclaims pansies to be the ideal.

[HornyMan]

So exactly

how does an alpha male show humility by his many conquests?
Please ladies can you bend down and suck the holy

bonar?

[DrSmellThis]

Just because the alpha gets

the pick of the species -- partly due to being humble enough to be a gentleman -- doesn't mean he lays everything

he can get his dick into. He has goals, common sense and standards.

I turn down such opportunities fairly

frequently.

But when the opportunity fits in line with what you know you want and need, you go for it in an

assertive, self assured way. In that case, I don't need to be given a hint twice, but will make it all happen

directly.

[DrSmellThis]

Exactly! It was meant just as you defined it. Doing something when you have no fear of

consequences is not courage. It may be stupidity to not fear consequences though. Courage is standing up and doing

what you need to do despite your knees being made of rubber, your whole body shakes and all you want to do is run

like hell.

Yep. Courage is one of the most misunderstood virtues, and alpha traits.

There is courage to

face something about yourself, to tell the truth when it's embarrassing, to love when it's hard to, to react with

deeper emotion when it's easier to get into anger. There is the courage required to think thoughts that may force

you to change your view of the world; and the courage to admit when you are wrong.

To have integrity with who

you really are at your core requires enormous courage.

Courage assumes many disguises. It can even take courage

to show weakness.

Only fools equate courage with macho displays, or say, random strength and endurance.

You

young guys should appreciate all the wise older men you have at your service here, Belgareth being one of the better

examples. Listen to him!

[DrSmellThis]

Just

being yourself... That's such good advice, truly it is, but often so hard to accomplish, particularly in this

culture which secretly demands alphas to lead but loudly proclaims pansies to be the ideal.

This culture is

very, very confused about what it wants, and you can trace that to the fall of fatherhood and impoverishment of

masculinity which came along with the industrial revolution and the removal of men from their homes.

In the

bigger picture, it is also a radically changing world. The earth is getting smaller, and animalistic cruelties are

no longer very useful for men in their masculinity, relative to other qualities. The stereotypic macho qualities are

actually quite trivial and peripheral now, and will doubtless continue to become even more so.

True

understanding, emotional, and intellectual qualities become much more important than either "physical alphaness", or

those personal qualities that go along with physical alphaness, with the anachronistic, outmoded pseudo-alphaness;

that are related to it.

Welcome to the future!

Yet people still buy into cheap macho displays as somehow

marking leaders. This is truly nauseating. People should have woken up to this forty years ago, when they instead

assasinated King (the larger society all contributed to the event).

There is still much societal confusion about

what it means to be an alpha or "pansy". People who think John Wayne or Dirty Harry is the ideal for being alpha

have as much to learn as those who think a mild mannered, sensitive man with some effeminate qualities is a pansy,

or cannot be alpha.

What ends up happening is we somehow cycle between macho "jerks" and "wimps" (who lack

integrity, and the many subtle varieties of courage Belgareth and I mentioned) without ever getting that these are

both bullshit. They are both empty shells where a man should be.

Fortunately, I think you can go back to the

basic ideas of fatherhood, of being a steward of the planet and its inhabitants, and find that there is a rich, well

grounded source of untapped masculine ideals.

We need to turn the page on the "old" way (really the twentieth

century way, the confused outgrowth of the industrial revolution, overlaid with wars. Masculinity, though still

outmoded for today, was much richer previously.) of looking at masculinity, strength, leadership, courage, and the

like; and move into a new future.

[Holmes]

I always wanted an Alpha Male, but

I could never find a dealership.

Are parts expensive these days?

[idesign]

So

exactly how does an alpha male show humility by his many conquests?
Please ladies can you bend down and suck the

holy bonar?

As Doc alluded to, I don't think "conquest" is the goal of an alpha. Accomplishment might

be a better word. Thinking beyond immediate gratification and considering longer term benefits for everyone

involved, etc. Gegogi touched on this point as well in a recent thread.

Any skilled PUA can "conquer" a woman,

but that is nowhere near the definition of an alpha male.

This comment might raise some eyebrows, or even offend

some, but IMO I think PUA methods are kind of antithetical to alpha behavior.

Think about it... a PUA is acting,

much like your example of Johnny Depp. Actors play a role which have nothing to do with who they are personally.

When the bars close and the cameras stop rolling you have to be yourself.

That's why Doc and many others here

constantly encourage personal development.

I hope this makes sense.

[idesign]

I always

wanted an Alpha Male, but I could never find a dealership.

Are parts expensive these days?

Pretty

expensive, but they're having a sale two threads down.

Don't trade-in your old model, its more reliable.

[DrSmellThis]

I always

wanted an Alpha Male, but I could never find a dealership.

Are parts expensive these days?

Didn't Bond

drive one of those?

[belgareth]

In my opinion, an alpha in the

animal kingdom is born, not trained to be so. It may or may not be different in the human world but there are

certain traits I look for with young animals that help me determine their future social status. Watch a litter of

puppies for a while, you'll see one that could be called the trouble-maker. It's the one sneaking up on others and

starting the rough games or hiding around the corner to surprise another or the one grabbing your shoe and growling

at it while it tries to drag it away. In short, it is the active one with the personality and intelligence that

almost always grows up to be the alpha of any group. Not always the biggest, fastest or strongest and not always the

smallest, slowest or weakest. That has almost nothing to do with it. In short, you could say the alpha is the one

most vitally alive.

Over the last couple weeks I've been trying to apply that to humans in kind of a snapshot

of their current behavior to define or select a human alpha. A few things I have come to believe are alpha traits in

humans.
1. The alpha is the doer. You will not find him or her sitting and waiting for others. They will be the one

to start calling people to instigate a trip to the lake or a night out.
2. Alphas are rarely passive about

anything. They pride themselves on accomplishment, not for anybody else's approval but for themselves.
3. You'll

never find an alpha that is a couch potato or 'just hanging out waiting for something to happen'. They make things

happen.
4. An aplha take good care of themselves, both mentally and physically. You'll find a lot of them at the

gym but they aren't going to be the ones with the huge, showy muscles. They'll be the one that is in good shape

and quietly working to stay that way.
5. You'll almost never find an alpha in a bar amongst a loud and obnoxious

group.
6. You will never hear an alpha putting somebody down behind their back.
7. An alpha does not start

confrontations but rarely backs off when attacked.
8. An alpha will not tell you 'It's not my fault' or try to

place blame on somebody else.
9. Alphas do not brag or otherwise try to make themselves look good. They know what

they are.

There is probably a lot more but that's a start.

[idesign]

In my

opinion, an alpha in the animal kingdom is born, not trained to be so.

In short, you could say the alpha is the

one most vitally alive.

That last statement is excellent. Vitally alive, intellectually engaged,

emotionally stable, personally compassionate, professionally innovative and egotistically restrained.

Also agree

that alpha's are born, not trained. You can't teach inner "being".

That's not to say that a person can't

emulate the good qualities they observe in an alpha, to their great benefit. In fact, I think a real alpha will

naturally inspire such emulation.

Good stuff Bel.

[idesign]

This

culture is very, very confused about what it wants, and you can trace that to the fall of fatherhood and

impoverishment of masculinity which came along with the industrial revolution and the removal of men from their

homes.

In the bigger picture, it is also a radically changing world. The earth is getting smaller, and

animalistic cruelties are no longer very useful for men in their masculinity, relative to other qualities. The

stereotypic macho qualities are actually quite trivial and peripheral now, and will doubtless continue to become

even more so.

True understanding, emotional, and intellectual qualities become much more important than either

"physical alphaness", or those personal qualities that go along with physical alphaness, with the anachronistic,

outmoded pseudo-alphaness; that are related to it.

Welcome to the future!

Yet people still buy into cheap

macho displays as somehow marking leaders. This is truly nauseating. People should have woken up to this forty years

ago, when they instead assasinated King (the larger society all contributed to the event).

There is still much

societal confusion about what it means to be an alpha or "pansy". People who think John Wayne or Dirty Harry is the

ideal for being alpha have as much to learn as those who think a mild mannered, sensitive man with some effeminate

qualities is a pansy, or cannot be alpha.

What ends up happening is we somehow cycle between macho "jerks" and

"wimps" (who lack integrity, and the many subtle varieties of courage Belgareth and I mentioned) without ever

getting that these are both bullshit. They are both empty shells where a man should be.

Fortunately, I think you

can go back to the basic ideas of fatherhood, of being a steward of the planet and its inhabitants, and find that

there is a rich, well grounded source of untapped masculine ideals.

We need to turn the page on the "old" way

(really the twentieth century way, the confused outgrowth of the industrial revolution, overlaid with wars.

Masculinity, though still outmoded for today, was much richer previously.) of looking at masculinity, strength,

leadership, courage, and the like; and move into a new future.

I like your example of fatherhood as

embodying a potential alpha ideal. In no other role is a man compelled to exhibit the perfect balance of strength

and compassion. Its the sturdiness of masculinity and the weakness of vulnerability. Which reminds me, an alpha

must be capable of love, which presupposes vulnerability.

Dirty Harry is a wimp, a poseur hiding his masculinity

in fear of himself. Mel Gibson's character in the first Lethal Weapon was pretty good.

Stewardship is a good

word, its opposed to "ownership", which is a cheap macho word in the context of this discussion. Those entrusted to

our care, whether at home or at work, deserve nothing less than a comprehensive man.

I think the richer idea of

masculinity you speak of is not lost, but becoming extinct quite rapidly. Today's culture denigrates any form of

masculinity in a knee-jerk reaction to the worst examples of past abuses. Not wholly undeserved perhaps, but a

dangerous trend, and completely irresponsible.

The good news is that a true alpha will see through the fog and

patiently wade through the nonsense to do what he needs to do, with grace and persistence.

[belgareth]

The good

news is that a true alpha will see through the fog and patiently wade through the nonsense to do what he needs to

do, with grace and persistence.

'Nuff said. Couldn't agree more.

[koolking1]

"Also agree that alpha's

are born, not trained. You can't teach inner "being"."

I can't agree with that one iota. Look at Tiger

Woods, how would one know that he was born an alpha male? His father gave him some serious training when he was a

toddler, I can't say for sure he would be where he is today with or without that training but I suspect it's part

of his makeup. Animals are born and then have a very limited capacity to learn. We humans have almost unlimited

capacity to learn.

[belgareth]

I don't know either way but do

believe that, as I said, being an alpha is not a black or white proposition. Instead, there are many variations.

Perhaps some of the traits are inborn and some are not. Or perhaps training brings up that which is already a part

of us? I have seen people try to become an alpha and fail miserably and I have seen those who have no clue what they

do yet they do it as if born to lead.

[koolking1]

"I have seen people try to

become an alpha and fail miserably"

Because they didn't have the right leadership in their developing stages

or decided to ignore it if they did I suspect.

[belgareth]

Not necessarily. Some had the

same leadership I had.

[idesign]

I

can't agree with that one iota. Look at Tiger Woods, how would one know that he was born an alpha male? His

father gave him some serious training when he was a toddler, I can't say for sure he would be where he is today

with or without that training but I suspect it's part of his makeup. Animals are born and then have a very limited

capacity to learn. We humans have almost unlimited capacity to learn.

Good insight KK. I certainly

agree that upraising is hugely important. But I do think you have to be born with some set of qualities to lead. I

also think you can squander those capabilities, or fail to live up to your potential from lack of training or

direction.

Agree with Bel too that its not a black and white affair.

[DrSmellThis]

I'm agree with Bel to the

extent that one is born with certain alpha potentials, which can die on the vine or be realized to whatever

extent.

I'm not sure whether we should equate alpha with leader. Then again, I tend to split hairs. But maybe

one can excel in some ways as a human without actively leading anything. Or maybe a certain situation doesn't allow

for an alpha to even shine. And what of the biblical, "first shall be last and the last shall be first" principle.

Does it have practcal application in this conversation?

What of the genius whose greatness is ignored until long

after his death? Anyway, feel free to ignore my hair splitting.

I like Belgareth's list, and notice that it

sort of mirrors some of Bel's own qualities. Again, though, I am reminded of people who excel in some situations

but fail in others, (e.g., Abe Lincoln) achieving in some realms while not in others so much.