I'm being totally honest here

[TylerD]

Ok, I

don't want to bother people who read this post with long stories, so I will just try to be quick.
I would like to

get advice on umm... how to call it best....damage control.
That is sometimes I can be really arrogant with people

even if I don't want to. Especially with women who are actually INTERESTED in me. I came to the conclusion that it

is like a preemptive strike for NO ACTUAL reason except because somewhere deep inside I fear being hurt.
I think

this is what is left after dealing with social anxiety.
I have ordered SOE and currently waiting for it to arrive.

Maybe Liquid Trust? And what about A1? I want to have some space so the connection is not instantly destroyed in

case I do a stupid thing. In the long run, however, I want to drop pheromone usage.
Umm..some other advice except

mones? I'm open to it, no problems here.
Thanks

[terry0400-40]

Ok, I don't want to bother people who read this post with long stories, so I will just try to

be quick.
I would like to get advice on umm... how to call it best....damage control.
That is sometimes I can be

really arrogant with people even if I don't want to. Especially with women who are actually INTERESTED in me. I

came to the conclusion that it is like a preemptive strike for NO ACTUAL reason except because somewhere deep inside

I fear being hurt.
I think this is what is left after dealing with social anxiety.
I have ordered SOE and

currently waiting for it to arrive. Maybe Liquid Trust? And what about A1? I want to have some space so the

connection is not instantly destroyed in case I do a stupid thing. In the long run, however, I want to drop

pheromone usage.
Umm..some other advice except mones? I'm open to it, no problems here.
Thanks

You have to make it a habit of asking yourself this type of question and then visualising

with feeling the answers you receive back. Ie:-



"If i were completly free of hangups and bagage when in the company of another

person"

1. How would i feel ?
2. How would i be acting
   
   ?
3. What would i be doing differently
   
   ?

If i trusted that things would work out fine, How would i

appraise what i am worried about ? What can i do to reassure myself and move on ?

If i were relaxed right now, how would i see

what is troubling me ?

If i fully trusted my competence, how would i accomplish what i need to do

?

If i were

in charge of my life, how would i see what i am anxious about ? Is there anything i would do differently ? What

would it be ?

[TylerD]

Thanks for reminding me the power

of questions, Terry.
I'm compiling a little list now.

[terry0400-40]

Thanks for reminding me the power of questions, Terry.
I'm compiling a little list

now.

Yes i do it frequently now every day and it really helps me stay out of

the box.

Also as Cat has said i try and treat myself and others with compassion in my responses to

situations, it helps me keep out of being locked in the box with the negative Ego that tries to control my life and

actions by clouding over who i am and what i am capable of.

It takes a little work, but the rewards are

just fantastic in creating peace joy and optimism.

[CAtriathlete]

In my experience Liquid

Trust is useless.

A1, on the other hand, is awesome for building warm fuzzies and comfort with a woman. But as

you've already astutely noted, it's the attitude that you carry that is the dominant issue here, and no pheromones

are going to solve that.

You might try an approach one of my teachers has suggested: Lead with compassion.



That means,
-for everything you say
-for every behavior you initiate
-for every intention you create
lead with

the empathetic sense that we all suffer and need understanding.

And I'm not talking some new-agey pollyanna

self-conditioning here. I'm talking about leading with an open heart, rather than your defenses. And Terry

suggests, it will take a lot of constant looking at yourself to see the difference.

And most of all, have

compassion towards yourself.

If you can mix an attitude of compassion with some A1 and SOE, I think you will see

a change in your rapport with women.

just MHO,

-CAt

[idesign]

I think

this is what is left after dealing with social anxiety.

Thanks

Ahhh, we are brothers. One of my first

posts on this forum was very similar to yours.

Terry and CAt give very good advice.

Our preconditioned

social responses have a lot to do with who we are now, but does not have to determine who we are in the future.

Your post in another thread leads me to believe that you understand about attitude and results.

Email me if you

like and I'll send you a great response I got here on this forum.

[tenaciousBLADE]

Email me if you like and I'll send you a great response I got here on this

forum.

I'm interested in that response.... can you not link it, please?
If you need to be tought how to

link, I can teach you easily... even how to link to a specific post-reply... just ask me to
I'm curious about

that response

[BGuy20]

Tyler:

As a recovering

nice guy (I'm in the 12-step program), let me tell you, YOU SHOULD NOT CHANGE A THING.

I've realized the

honest truth that it's the confident, cocky guys that get the girls. It's interesting what you said: that you act

that way ESPECIALLY around girls that like you. Perhaps its your attitude that attracts them in the first

place?

It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective: we're still hardwired like we're living in caves

and hunting buffalo with spears. It's evolutionary programming that compels women to be attracted to the confident,

cocky asshole guys. It's almost as if (subconsciously) the woman is asking, "Can he provide for me?" and the answer

in your case seems to be yes.

But if you'd rather be the guy who hears "I value our friendship" and who

hears about all the asshole guys shes inexorably attracted to, be my guest and change your behavior.

[tenaciousBLADE]

It's evolutionary programming that compels women to be attracted to the confident, cocky

asshole guys.

pffft... I would AT LEAST delete the "asshole" part of that assumption.
We're not trying to

change anyones' behaviour, but rather improve it and make it flexible.. more suited to the situation (in every

situation).
Granted - Cocky can be an awsome tool, but it shouldn't be a way of life.
And dude, for the

record, I'm the type of guy to whom girls say: "I value your friendship very much... but do you mind if we also

have sex while staying friends?".
And when I want a g\f... I get her (have one right now... she's awsome and damn

sexy ).

Still.. everyone is entitled to their own way of looking at things.
So if it works for you - feel

free

[TylerD]

Thanks guys for replying, I

appreciate and value it.
-----------------------------------
CAtriathlete:
I looked at the dictionary what

compassion means and while there are a few translations, I guess I have an image of what you mean. Wikipedia helped

to
I love women. To me, a woman is like a rose. She has thorns if you don't know how to touch her, but if you

know, she will blossom in your hands and will let you savor it.
Yesterday I was with my friends in coffee-house and

there was not so much people already, it was kinda late and they were almost closing. I flirted with the cute

waitress a bit. All the time she was near and she heard when I told my friends I will go home now.
When we asked

for the bill, she was all eyes on me and asked me....to stay. At that moment something inside me happened like a red

light telling me to stop. I'm just happy I didn't told her anything cocky at that moment... I wouldn't be able to

sleep after At least I hugged her and told maybe next time...

idesign:
It's great to hear we understand each

other.
I will send you an email, it will be really interesting to read.

BGuy20:
Hmm... I was thinking for a few

minutes what to answer.
While I value your reply, I think it's really all about calibration and flexibility.
Not

changing my behaviour/thinking is not the answer because if you don't change the behaviour you just keep getting

the same results.
And the results are getting a girl attracted, realizing she is really attracted, feeling a "red

light response" and then either disappearing or telling/doing something mean to stop it.
It's not my sometimes

mean behaviour that attracts them.
You are correct about the confidence part, but being an asshole is just another

extreme just like being a waaayyy to nice guy and unless the woman is low self esteem and THINKS she deserves it

it's not the answer.
A nice guy with confidence and strong sense of self can really get all the women he

wants.
Cocky can sometimes work to, for example with the spoiled "beauty queens", but as I mentioned before, it's

all about calibration.
But anyway, thanks for you answer and I wish you luck in your quest.

tenaciousBLADE:
I

agree with pretty much everything you said. Waiting for my SOE shipment to arrive - those will be the first

mones(mones from a shop that is )I will try in a long, long time.

[tenaciousBLADE]

A

nice guy with confidence and strong sense of self can really get all the women he wants.
...
it's all about

calibration

Personally, I totally agree with that.
And, you sound like a smart guy who knows what he

wants. I'm sure you'll get that which you want at some point ... Specially with that open-minded

attitude

a woman is like a rose. She has thorns if you don't know how to touch her,

but if you know, she will blossom in your hands and will let you savor it.

I love that one!

Awsome!!

[TylerD]

And,

you sound like a smart guy who knows what he wants. I'm sure you'll get that which you want at some point

... Specially with that open-minded attitude

Thanks a lot for the kind words, tenaciousBLADE


I am sure at some point I will get what I want.
It's just that now I feel like that kid in kindergarten when

everybody gets a candy except him.
Today I was exchanging messages with a girl I met two weeks ago on my way home.

Everything seemed fine and we liked each other and at one point a few days ago she (provocatively) offered to meet.

I refused. We continued exchanging messages for some time. And then I made a mistake, I rushed things. And you know,

you cannot rush things here, especially when talking on the phone/SMS. You gotta be flexible. I knew I was doing a

mistake, but guess this was because subconsciously I tried to make sure everything will be fine once we meet.

Stupid, I know.
So one moment she is all over me, the next....she says she has a husband.
It just sucks to hear it

at the point when I was so open to her.... I know... But still, it sucks.
So I just tried to remain cool. And sent

another message to other girl I met about the same time. I liked her too, we were getting along very good. She was

sending me kisses etc a day before.
And so I write her a message. She does not respond for whatever reason. I send

another message. After some time I realized I sent her like six messages in a row without any response. Now how does

that look like? I wonder what I would think about a girl AND HER LIFE if I would be in her place...
Needy. A nice

way to sabotage my success with a beautiful girl who gets lots of attention...............
I'm just

happy I gave some good emotions to those two girls.
So anyway, sorry for this rant of mine. I know everything will

be fine....one day, it's just that now I feel very lonely. Today I got a notice from post office - my SOE shipment

has arrived. Tomorrow I will go get it.

[tenaciousBLADE]

As an NLP practitioner, I

would just like to add to the great advice Terry mentioned here. You do better when you actually ask the questions

in your mind, and not just answer them. Let your brain hear the questions, feel them, and visualize thier meaning


Great input Terry - as always

If you can mix an attitude of

compassion with some A1 and SOE, I think you will see a change in your rapport with women.

Couldn't have

put it better myself
I usually don't recommend A1 for beginners, but it seems to be a good answer to

your specific situation. Though SOE is the best answer indeed for your situation.. If you find it not to be enough -

then maybe try A1.
(I love A1 - I just usually don't advise it for beginners that's all ).