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Thread: Engineers

  1. #1
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Default Engineers

    The engineering mind is different. (I intentionally did not say odd)

    Understanding Engineers - Take One:

    Two engineering students were walking across campus

    when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer

    replied, "Well, I was walking

    along yesterday minding my own business

    when a

    beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the

    bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and

    said,"Take what you want."

    The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;

    the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

    To the optimist, the

    glass is half full. To the

    pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the


    the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers

    - Take Three:

    A pastor,

    a doctor and an engineer were waiting one

    morning for a particularly

    slow group of golfers. The

    engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?

    We must have

    been waiting for 15 minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've


    seen such ineptitude!"

    The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.

    Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi

    George, say, what's with that group ahead of us?

    They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group

    of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our

    clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them

    play for free anytime."

    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,

    "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer

    for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact

    my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything

    he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers

    - Take Four:

    There was

    an engineer who had an exceptional gift for

    fixing all things

    mechanical. After serving his

    company loyally for over 30 years, he


    retired. Several years later the company contacted him

    regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were

    having with one of their multimillion dollar

    machines. They had tried everything and everyone else

    to get the machine to work but to no avail. In

    desperation, they called on the retired engineer who

    had solved so many of their problems in the past.

    The engineer

    reluctantly took the challenge. He spent

    a day studying the huge

    machine. At the end of the

    day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a


    component of the machine and stated, "This is


    your problem is." The part was replaced and the

    machine worked perfectly again.

    The company received a bill for $50,000 from the

    engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized

    accounting of his charges.

    The engineer responded briefly: "One chalk mark,

    $1.00. Knowing where to put it $49,999.00."

    It was paid in full and

    the engineer retired again in peace.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers

    and Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers

    build targets.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

    Three engineering students were gathered together

    discussing the possible designers of the human body.

    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at

    all the joints. "

    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The

    nervous system has many thousands of electrical


    The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who

    else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a

    recreational area?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

    Normal people believe that ...if it ain't broke,

    don't fix it."

    Engineers believe that: "...if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
    enough features yet."-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

    An architect, an artist and an engineer were

    discussing whether it was better to spend time with

    the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed

    time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an

    enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed

    time with his mistress,because of the passion and

    mystery he found there.

    The engineer said, "I like both."

    The others: "Both?"

    Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,

    they will each assume you are spending time with the

    other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some

    work done."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:

    An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog

    called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn

    into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up

    the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up

    again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into

    a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one

    week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,

    smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog

    then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into

    a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you

    want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at

    it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog

    asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

    beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week

    and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said,

    "Look I'm an engineer. I don't

    have time for a girlfriend, but a

    talking frog, now

    that's cool."
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
    Moderator idesign's Avatar
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    I love this one Belgareth. I'm

    sending it to my Dad, a retired Engineer. He'll be all over this.

  3. #3
    Moderator belgareth's Avatar
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    Yours about pheromones was

    pretty good too.

    Actually, those were all true stories except the one about the talking frog. He only imagined

    it after 47 hours straight playing some video game.
    To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.

    Thomas Jefferson

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